Wyvern Posted May 7, 2007 Report Posted May 7, 2007 I read through the prologue that's been posted for this story so far and found it nicely written Nyyark. :-) I love the way that you start it with the mage winning an artifact off of e-bay and bidding through magic, as it struck me as a very original approach and immediately piqued my curiousity. Given the death of Ked, I'm guessing that this narrative will either progress into a story about Ked's assassin or a story about Ked's journey through the afterlife, both of which would be intriguing tales to follow. On the critical side of things, the transition between the second and third paragraphs felt a little awkward to me in this initial post... I think that visualizing the process of bidding through magic a bit might improve this, as it could give a better sense of how Ked manages to bid in flight. Telepathy? Or a blurring magical bidding screen of clairvoyance perhaps? Just a few possible suggestions. Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing how this story developes Nyyark. :-) Thanks for sharing what you have of it so far.
Nyyark Posted May 7, 2007 Report Posted May 7, 2007 (edited) Thanks for the suggestions! I'll try and smooth out my transition a bit. I was going to go into depth about magical IP packets that sat on the line and muched his rivals bids until the last second, but I thought that the detail would be overwhelming and destroy the simplicity of the nice day setting. EDIT: Perhaps I'll give powerful Mages familiars, and Ked's might currently be a laptop that would be funny and cool. Especially if it was a she...and made Ked's old Lover jealous...ok need to stop, don't over think... As far as the plot... I was actually thinking of following an aspiring mage helping his master (an old lover of Ked's) try to solve the mystery of Ked's murder. I thought starting off with Ked would give a contrast to just how powerful a Mage Ked was, and just how far the main character has to go when getting into a mess with the Old school mages. I've been trying to not think the story through to far, every time I do I end up killing them. I have a general idea of the plot and thats all. Just for a note: Ked's body died, but his Mage-Self is stranded in the astral plane with no anchor. I had that "first time" in there as a hint death to a mage is not exactly the same as it is to a mundane person. Was it too subtle? Edited May 8, 2007 by Nyyark
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