The Mighty News - 9 April 2007

[Wyvern]

An expensive and well-organized light show brightens the official Mighty Pen newsroom as cameras pan around the formal news table, highlighting Bob Suloberrin's blue news suit and contrasting it with the white backdrop of the room. Bob reaches for his white news item sheets and shuffles them across the blue table top as the news medley draws to a close. He applies some blue hair conditioner to his white head of Kassie Kurazee-conditioned hair as the cameras collectively turn in his direction.

 

"Good evening, and welcome to another episode of The Mighty News - voted 'Most official and professional news broadcasting service of the Mighty Pen Keep'." Bob Suloberrin singles out the first sheet of his report. "Headlining tonight's news: an apology for the lack of technicolor in this broadcast, as well as the lack of technicolor across the Pen Keep. The recent installation of new magical wards seems to have caused an odd glow across the Pen, illuminating all things in distinctive shades of white and blue. The Pen's dedicated team of enchanters are working around the clock in the hopes of bringing back the colors you love as soon as possible. Whether or not they'll finish before The Portrait of Zool is mistaken for an Andy Warhol piece is yet to be determined. Until then, feel free to inform our resident enchanters of any other oddities you spot around the Keep that you wish to see corrected."

 

A news box begins to form in the righthand corner of the screen, only to stop in mid-formation as Bob Soluberrin stands from his seat and lifts a hand.

 

"We also apologize for the lack of news imagery boxes in this report." The remnants of the news box fade to nothingness. "We've found that the pirate news broadcaster at large still has a way of tapping into them, and we'd like to keep this important program as free of almost dragonic reporters as possible."

 

Bob Soluberrin coughs for a moment, then turns to his second sheet of paper.

 

"In further news this evening: a recent astronomical stroll turned into a stellar celebration as Ozymandias the Elder announced the most recent set of Pen promotions. Congratulations go out to Whisky in Babylon, Geldrinhor, Norman the Runt, Curious Mylo, Patrick Durham, Katzaniel, Mynx and Tanuchan for their respective pats on the back. We can only hope that these brave pennites have the oxygen that it takes to return to the Pen Keep, as the rift between worlds is vast."

 

Bob Soluberrin pauses, then reaches off-screen as he's handed a new piece of paper.

 

"This just in: a charity organization known as... uhh, Almost Dragonic Brand Lizard Breath to Save Lives™... is taking geld donations for breathing oxygen into tubes to send the pennites stranded in outerspace? What the...?"

 

Bob Soluberrin frowns and grumbles as he crumples the sheet and tosses it to the side. The paper bounces off a white cylander and falls neatly into a blue trashcan adjacent to the table.

 

"Finally, I'd like to end this report with a word of warning." Bob frowns and leans closer to the cameras, his expression dead serious. "Please DO NOT participate in the chile endurance competition being hosted in the Pen's Courtyard. In fact, do not even stand within ten feet of the chile stand. Inside sources have informed us at The Mighty News that the contents of Almost Dragonic Brand Dynaminferno X-tra Blaze Chile™ are to be considered lethal and highly explosive. Ignore the temptation of boosting your machismo and gaining a substantial fanbase of the opposite sex, and focus on your own personal safety. Ignore the fact that it's open to guys and girls alike for tasting, and that flame-related pennites are allowed to participate. In fact, it would be best to simply ignore it altogether."

 

Bob sets his papers down on the table in front of him and nods. The screen slowly fades to blue, then to white...

 

"This is Bob Soluberrin, signing off and wishing you a goodnight."

[Whisky in Babylon]

It was not long after the latest report, wearing the most boring of gray suits, Whisky approched the most boring of news people, Bob Suloberrin. For once her hair was pulled back in a very tight highly uncomfortable braid (which ment that it probably looked really good.) It fell still and hard like a bloody dried rope down her stiff back. Enough oderless hairspray in it to kill more than a few whales, or some other large animal not so easy to kill, welll you have to keep such untambable hair tamed somehow.

 

A monical ar her right eye and a breifcase in her left hand she came face to face with Bob. (<insert really dramtic unnessasry music here, followed by dead silence>) She cleared her voice and smiled somewhat.... she always thought him to be better looking but whatever.

 

 

"Well good-day sir, mm yes, a smashing good day, and a smashing good report I might add, good sir. I will be sure to not go to the chile endurance competition! yup you bet your tight wad a-Ahem, you you just bet I wont be going there after that well thought out and intense broadcast....." She pauses for a moment, sensing that he would probably get tired of her just making casual conversation, so it was time to get to the point!."Well anyway, might I have a word or a few with you?..." She said, standing tall in her "borrowed" boots, speaking in her most adult of adult voices. "..Please?"

[Wyvern]

Bob Soluberrin stands from his seat and turns to face Whisky in Babylon as she says the magic word, clutching a cup of coffee in one hand and an evening news pamphlet in the other. He stares at her for a long moment, then clears his throat and adjusts a speakerphone that hangs under his chin.

 

"This is Bob Soluberrin, reporting to you off-the-air from The Mighty News broadcasting station. In recent news, a formal stranger catches a local news icon off-guard as she shows up at his newsroom uninvited. This report and the subsequent security actions that follow, coming up next."

 

Whisky in Babylon frowns as Bob Soluberrin sets down his coffee and presses his hands together, moving his fingers in a hawk-like formation. The hand signal catches the attention of two burly security guards standing at the rear exit of the room, who crack their knuckles and proceed to approach. Whisky in Babylon takes a few steps back as she notices the "Mighty News" tattoos that bulge over their muscles, then quickly resorts to Plan B. She flashes Bob Soluberrin the saddest face she can muster, letting her lower lip tremble a bit for effect. Bob pauses and grumbles when he notices the glassy look in Whisky's in Babylon's eyes, and stomps his foot down as he raises a hand in the air. The two security grunts stop in their tracks.

 

"Well, young lady." Bob Soluberrin frowns and crosses his arms over his chest. "I don't like to stray from my weekly schedule... but since you asked so nicely, I'll give you five minutes to speak if speak you must. I ask that you use only proper grammar when addressing me, however. I can read your mind's misspellings in your eyes!"

 

Bob Soluberrin sets the timer on his intricate-looking Rolex watch, then levels his eyes back in Whisky in Babylon's direction.

[Whisky in Babylon]

Whisky takes in a deep breath after the large not so nice looking men are called off. She gives them both a small subtle glare before fixing her suit and smiling to Bob. "Thank you very much... But since I only have five minuets I'll get to the point- and by the way thats a lovely suit you have on- I've been listening to your reports since I was little" She said in earnest.

 

Dramatic pause.

 

"You've inspired me, you really have.... so I come to you, asking, begging that you let me intern with you. My life would not feel whole without being able to work by your talented side!" She puked out with that sincere lovely smile, her eyes locked onto bobs as though if she were to turn away she'd turn to ash.

 

"Please, wont you help a girl fulfill her dreams, and help the spread of cold hard news to the masses!"

 

Dramatic Pause.

[Wyvern]

Bob stares down at Whisky in Babylon with an awkward frown stretched across his face. He fiddles with an imaginary bundle of news report sheets as she locks her hands together and pleads, bobbing his fingers in a mid-air shuffle motion. The unnecessary dramatic music begins building again in the background as he extends a hand to her, but the strings and keyboards are cut short as Bob re-extends said hand in the air with a waving motion. Several minutes of silence pass as the soundman in the adjacent room begins packing his belongings.

 

"Listen... young lady..." Bob Soluberrin coughs loudly and raises a hand to his cheeks, trying to hide a fading blush in an effort to maintain his professional demeanor. "The Mighty News is a, errr, very professional organization. Very professional. And, well, you know, we don't really hire any sorts of intern-"

 

Bob holds his tongue as he watches Whisky in Babylon go into another dramatic pause. He taps his foot for a moment, then breaths a long sigh and raises a hand to his hair.

 

"Well, look, maybe we could give it a shot this once, O.K?" Bob Soluberrin fixes his eyes on Whisky in Babylon, concentrating on her expression. "I like both your approach to the news and your choice of suite; the gray on gray looks strikingly similar to some of my own wardrobe. If you can dig up a news scoop and present it in a formal and professional manner on my program, I would be willing to take you under my wing and show you the basics of our reporting procedures: news acquisitions, news production, news editing, and Anti-Almost Dragonic Pirate Broadcasting Crystal Ball enchanting. But it would be no pay, no benefits, and no smiles. Understood?"

 

Bob Soluberrin pauses and grimaces as the departing soundman begins dragging his large case of equipment across the floor in a very noisy manner, breaking the mood of the moment.