The Mighty Pen Weenie Roast!

[Merelas]

Merelas strode out into the courtyard and began setting up for the event. He knew that the pen was very diverse and that he would have to cater to a variety of tastes and hunger levels. Due to this, he set up several stations.

 

First was that for those smaller than him. He threw several small franks into a saucepan, poured a barbacue sauce marinade over that, and conjured a an enormous fire. He walked through it holding the saucepan, and by the time he stepped out they sauce was boiling and the franks were done. Setting several spear-like dowells next to the pot, he moved on to the next station.

 

Merelas wheeled out his grill and threw on several italian, german, and polish sausages before repeating the same cooking step, except this time pulling the grill through behind him. He took the sausages off the grill, and set them on a baking sheet next to some paper plates and hot dog buns. Finally, he conjured a small fire and set out the rest of his hot dogs and sausages for those that wanted to make roast their own with a set of roasting sticks that he set next to the cooler.

 

Putting on the finishing touches, he grabbed a several pitchers on a tray and walked over to the magical fountain in the gnome garden. He retrieved several types of ales, beers, punches, pop, and juice. He carried them back and placed them on the central table with plastic cups around. He set out little pop-toys that would send up streamers when activated, and even a grab-bag with, among other things, a few shinies in it. As a last touch for the party, Merelas strew crepe paper and streamers everywhere in nice, warm colors, with a decorative flare.

 

Finally, Merelas barged in on Wyvern, who was conducting the latest News Broadcast.

 

"We interrupt this interruption of your regularly scheduled program in order to invite you all personally to a Weenie-Roast extravaganza in the Courtyard of our own Mighty Pen. Refreshments provided, but BYOC--that is, bring your own conversation. Hope to see you there."

 

Listeners could hear Merelas whispering to Wyvern that this might be the place to find his attractive intern before there was microphone feedback and Merelas returned to the courtyard.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern worked his way through the Mighty Pen Courtyard, munching on two kielbasas at once and pausing at various condiment tables to squirt ketchup and relish down his throat. The overgrown lizard stopped at Merelas's grill and swung his tail towards the sausages, snatching a polish sausage on his stinger and making his stinger-sausage count 3 polish sausages, 2 italian sausages, 4 german sausages, a brockwurst and a linguica. He dragged his tail in the dirt as the weight of the sausages pulled it down.

 

"Thanksss for th-*scarfglulp* free *urp* food Merelas!" Wyvern scratched his chin, then raised his tail to his mouth and devoured the dirty german sausage at its tip. "I got *glurp* somethin' to add to yer luncheon, actuall-*urp*. Will be back in *slobberslurp* bit."

 

Wyvern darted off towards the Pen Keep, only to return carrying what appeared to be an iron witch's pot between his claws. The overgrown lizard set the pot onto an empty space on one of the condiment tables, then scooted a chair up to it and pulled a ladle from his tunic. He pointed towards the pot with a dastardly grin.

 

"Need a little 'umph' for your frank? We got your Almost Dragonic Brand Dynaminferno X-tra Blaze Chile™ right here! It'sss the perfect combo of spicey red peppers, crushed cinder fairies, magma golem sweat, smoking salamander tail, liquid flame elemental, Naughty Nymph magazine (vol. 6, iss. 9), and Uncle Joe's Extra Hot Blackened Louisiana Cajun Dust®. A taste of this, and you'll be spouting flames from your nostrils in a matter of minutes. As a matter o' fact, we're gonna hossst a little contest to prove it."

 

Wyvern snickers and sets up a sign that reads "Chile Endurance Contest" next to his seat. He points the ladle towards various pennites as he hisses.

 

"Anyone who can go five minutesss after tasting this chile without breathing flames through their nose will get the entire pot of chile as a complimentary prize!" Wyvern sneers towards the crowd. "Only a geld for a ladel-full on your sausage of choice. And remember: any man who doesn't torture himself by tasting this product is not a REAL man... just a mere pansy! If you wanna flex your machismo, better act now before it's too late!"

 

;-)

[Guest Phoenix]

Phoenix landed suddenly beside Wyvern, making him jump & stand on his tail. "Excuse me" she purred "can you enter if you're female, and have no interest in being masculinicised?"

 

Then she flamed, and blurred into a humanoid figure with eyes and hair of fire, somewhat taller than the large lizard

 

"oh, and what if you already have fire coming out of your nose?" She blew flame at the base of the cauldron, and sat down crosslegged to roast a sausage and wait for the contest to start.

[Ran Yoko]

Sora squirted mustard onto a polish sausage and munched on it while she poured herself a mug of root beer.

She adjusted her glasses as she looked at the sign in front of the iron pot that Wyvern stood in front of. She then downed the last of her root beer, muttering, "Where's the grilled bratwurst?"

[Wyvern]

Wyvern glances over at Pheonix and her charred sausage, clearly sweating a bit over her constant flame spurts (amongst other things). He sets his chile ladel down next to the witch's pot and digs up a habanero chile-shaped bowl, then clears his throat of a few ashes and flashes Pheonix his best toothy grin.

 

"You and all of your flaming brethren are cccertainly welcome to join, fair Pheonix... though I'm afraid the 'no flames through your nostrils' rule applies to you just as it would to anyone else." Wyvern pauses for a moment and wipes the sweat from his forehead as he watches the way Pheonix nibbles on her sausage. "*Ahem* Of courssse, if there are no other challengers, I'll settle with you tasting the chile and will give you the full pot just for bravery. At the moment, things ssseem to be leaning in that direction."

 

Wyvern tears his eyes away from Pheonix's flaming chest region long enough to grab his ladel and dip it into the witch cauldron. He carefully pours the smoking liquid into the habanero bowl and passes it to Pheonix.

 

"Be sssure to consume it in five minutes, before the bowl meltsss." Wyvern winks, then turns his head as he notices Sora Hikari searching for sausages. The overgrown lizard sticks two claws in his mouth and whistles.

 

"Missss Hikari!" Wyvern grins at Sora and begins rubbing his claws together. "Can I interessst you in a bowl of Almost Dragonic Brand Dynaminferno X-tra Blaze Chile™? It'sss only a geld, and there'sss a chance you might win the whole pot... plus, I hear bratwurst tassstes good under flaming tastebuds."

 

;-)

[Whisky in Babylon]

Whisky aimlessly wanders in. A blank look on her face as she strolls by, hands folded behind her back.. head tilted up to the sky a blank look in her blue eyes. Though soon she snaps out of it at the sounds of voices... tilting her head to the side she skips over. In her rainbow leggins and all she peeks over Wvyerns shoulder a big confused as to whats going on.

 

"Can I play too?"

 

After all the best way to get involded in something is to just jump in (even if you dont really know what that something is)

[Quincunx]

Tzimfemme looks at the sausage-on-a-stick with a ragged sample bite missing from one end, the bowl of smoking chili, the unsatisfactory sausage. . . .She pokes the sausage into the air over the cauldron; the bamboo skewer loses all stiffness and the sausage droops out of the smoke. A steel skewer softens and threatens to drip molten metal into the chili. The tongs once used to pour out Ol' Peculiar, however, withstand the vapors. A few minutes later, Tzimfemme munches on a well-smoked, extra-spicy, flavorful sausage.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern raises a claw to speak as Tzimfemme wanders off with her extra-flavorful sausage, caught somewhere between wanting to ask her for a half a geld in fees or wanting to praise her for her culinary prowess. The lizard twists his snout as he watches the nekkid mage fade into the crowd, then unties his tongue and slowly turns to Whisky in Babylon with a grin.

 

"Of coursssse you're welcome to taste the chile. This contessst is open to everyone, after all." Wyvern slides a habanero chile-shaped bowl full of bubbling red stuff in Whisky's direction. "Pass over a geld, and this chile bowl is yours. Careful though, it'sss a little on the hot side."

 

Wyvern winks, then reaches under his seat and pulls out an Almost Dragonic Brand Dunce Cap Mini-Megaphone™.

 

"Check check?" Wyvern clears his throat into the Mini-Megaphone. "*Ahem* Greetingsss. I just wanted to let all of you weenie roast afficianados know that there'sss no need to ask my permission for Almost Dragonic Brand Dynaminferno X-tra Blaze Chile™... though if you beg for it, I can probably think of sssome interesting things for you to do behind a red curtain with some prongs. Anyway... jussst step up, drop off a geld, and serve yourself a bowl if you dare."

 

Wyvern pauses for a moment, glancing towards Pheonix and Whisky in Babylon in turn and observing their chile bowls.

 

"To those who are not interested in tasting the chile, but who want front row seats for watching people who do taste it - I'm now taking bids!"

[Nyarlathotep]

Nyarlathotep steps into the courtyard and looks around at the attendees. He pushes his black hair out of his face and strolls up to the fire, slumping down unceremoniously. He looks around, frowning at the sausages and chili, being a vegetarian, but doesnt say a thing. He's here to make friends, not to start an argument. He pulls out a pack of smokes and lights one in the fire. "So, how's everyone doing? New here so I figured I'd come to one of these functions and get to know some of ya." He reclines against a rock.

[Guest Phoenix]

Scowling a little, ‘Nix concentrated, blurring the air around her into a less… obviously nude shape..? The lizards eyes’ could roam all they liked, they’d have a hard time focusing on anything through a heat haze. She stood up, grabbing another bowl for her chili, the one she had was disintegrating and dripping onto her palm. Swiping another sausage from Wyv’s tail she sauntered to the newcomer, and offered him a plain, uncooked chili pepper, sucking on her own in a way that drew Wyv’s eyes and made everyone else’s water.

“vegetarians can eat chilis', right?... they’re not that bad, if a little on the weak side..” she smiled widely, dropping the chili into his outstretched hand. “Only if you’re game. Most people don’t have my… predilection for hot things” She dunked her sausage in her bowl, managing to get most of it to her mouth before it disintegrated.

The bowl was already falling apart again. She upended it into her mouth, swallowed, paused, and then burped a huge ball of flame, which swept across the gathering before rising into the sky and dissipating.

Apart from that and her hair catching fire, there were no ill effects. But it was only her first bowl. Grabbing a specially reinforced double metal-welded spoon, she went back for more. it really was rather good….

[Nyarlathotep]

Nyarlathotep grabs the chili and swallows it in one big gulp. "I love chilis, spicy food is my fav. I was under the impression there was going to be chili, not chili peppers." His eyes begin to water slightly and pulls out a simply patterened hankerchief and blew his nose. "Boy...thats some spicy f***in' peppers."

[Wyvern]

Wyvern's eyes widen and twinkle a bit as he watches the last of the fireburp dissipate into the cloudless sky. He droops his scales and sighs in awe of Pheonix's awesome control of nasal flame, then wipes a bit of ash from his snout as tiny flamesparks rain down from the sky. Wyvern turns to see how Pheonix is faring post-chile consumption, only to jump back as he finds her at the Almost Dragonic Brand Dynaminferno X-Tra Blaze Chile™ cauldron dishing herself a mean second-helping in a bowl thrice the size of her previous one.

 

"Ph-ph-pheonix!" Wyvern slaps a claw on his scaly forehead and snorts a laugh of disbelief. He squints in the hopes of seeing her facial expression through the blur of heat. "I was gonna ask how ya, errrr, but I sssee you, uhhh... isssn't that kinda a large portion for a sssecond helping? We don't want any major firework displays... this isss a social event, after all."

 

"Oh nonsense." Pheonix moves her heat-blurred hand and dips the double metal-welded spoon back into the pot, filling her large metallic bowl with another smoking glob of chile. "It's really quite good, actually."

 

Wyvern raises a claw and opens his mouth to speak, but finds himself at a loss for words. He watches Pheonix carry her big bowl of chile back to her dining area, then turns to his smoking pot with a frown of disappointment.

 

"Hmph... musst've not made this stuff hot enough." Wyvern picks up a black cylinder labeled "Uncle Joe's Extra Hot Blackened Louisiana Cajun Dust®" and sprinkles some more of it over the chile in the pot. He grabs a frank from his tail and dips it into the chile a tiny bit, then pops it into his mouth with haste and chews away. "Hunh, that's not that bad, pretty mild actual-"

 

Wyvern suddenly freezes up and stops speaking, digging his claws into part of the tabletop with a force that splinters wood. His beady eyes start bulging from their sockets as black smoke begins crawling from his nostrils and mouth, and his tail rapidly curls into a knot as he raises his claws to his throat. Wyv turns to dash away from the chile pot area just as flames begin spewing from his maw and snout.

 

"AAAUUUUUURRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Wyvern dashes through the courtyard crowds in a moving cloud of smoke and flames, swerving past bystanders and toppling over near the area where Nyarlathotep sits. He gags and raises a trembling claw. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE! NEEEEEED BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE!"

 

;-p

[Guest Phoenix]

After the third bowl, Phoenix was feeling decidedly odd. she leant back against Wyvern's still-steaming and slightly sticky form - he had been liberally dosed with booze and ice cream, but was still panting, and smoke was rising gently from his open mouth. the level in the cauldron had gone down substantially, mostly due to the holes etched in the bottom being by the chili that remained uneaten.

 

She put her bowl down beside her, and scooped some ice cream onto her tongue, letting it melt slowly and numb the tingling that had started. she burped again, and idly watched the fireball disappear into the darkening sky, relaxing her head back onto her crossed arms. the interest in the chilli seemed to have diminished, and people were wandering past in clumps or seated around warming themselves off the waves of heat coming from the cauldron, and avoiding the streams of molten chili slowly working their way downhill.

 

it was no good. she'd have to change. she let go of the heat haze, and morphed again into a human fireball, enjoying the release of the heat that had been building since the first bowl.

 

at least in this form, no one could see how flushed she was. Wyvern was fast asleep. he would never know.