Wyvern Posted March 29, 2007 Report Posted March 29, 2007 I think that this is a nice story so far, MinimondoT. :-) Kai is a very easy character to relate to, as her college goof-ups and conflicts of interest really bring out a human side of her character that gives the reader something to sympathize with. I have hunch that this story is at least loosely based on some real life events, as the situations seem pretty realistic. The concept of the story so far seems to be a very interesting one as well, as the thought of Kai's fantasy writings coming to life sets the stage for an endless number of intriguing possibilities. I'm betting that her encounter with Mark the elf and the odd painting details are only a hint of things to come, and am looking forward to seeing where you take the story in future posts. In terms of potential things to improve in the story thus far: the weakest link in this initial post to me was the dialogue between Kai and Sam. I like the relationship of the two characters and can see how they'd play off of each other well, but the words they spoke didn't feel realistic to me given the nature of their relationship. I felt that a lot of the things they spoke to one another were things they would have already known about each other or would have been aware of, and that their conversations seemed more directed towards exposing information to the reader than showing their relationship. Dialogue can be a great way to relay information to reader, but my possible suggestion would be to try to give the dialogue a more natural feel and let the reader gradually pick up on the elements of backstory as the narrative progresses. On a different note, you might also consider drawing the reader into the scenes of the story a bit more through more detail and interaction.. I was really hoping to see a bit more of what went on with their participation in the play, for example! Anyway, I like this story so far and am looking forward to the continuation, MinimondoT. :-) Thanks for sharing it here.
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