Ran Yoko Posted March 24, 2007 Report Posted March 24, 2007 hi, so you know, i can't rhyme anything for the life of me. i also don't do so well with sweet 'cutesy' topics. so if you want to read something to that effect, don't read my poems. if you don't like it, don't read it. simple as that. Sun's first light appears shadow of midnight flees white stars hide in the sun's rays mist vanishes over green and brown skylark's song begins winds whispers echo through a valley waterfall sends a rainbow over cliffs sun rises over the horizon nighttime creeps away The name of this magical moment? Dawn.
Tanuchan Posted March 24, 2007 Report Posted March 24, 2007 I like a lot the imagery of the poem, it transported me to the pre-dawn hour and I caught myself smiling while reading it. The only point I could suggest something - if I may - is that the pace of the poem in first reading seems a bit fast. It might be the lack of some punctuation to make the reader slow down at some points, make them appreciate and merge into the scenery (as to say). But then, that really comes from the way you see/feel what you wrote... I myself ignore punctuation quite a lot . Thank you for sharing this, Sora - I really appreciated the poem.
Justin Silverblade Posted March 25, 2007 Report Posted March 25, 2007 "Dawn's Song" What a beautiful title. This poem is (to me) one splendid, rolling image. I felt like I was taken for a real-life slideshow of a wonderful moment. Thank you for the trip, - Justin
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