Curious Mylo Posted March 9, 2007 Report Posted March 9, 2007 I wrote this play for my Theatre class.. It was performed in the One Acts and we had a lot of fun with it. The only thing that I don't have in here that I added to the actors' scripts are small stage directions, but I leave those out to begin with on purpose so they can do it first however they see it. I hope you enjoy it! Short on Doctors Plot: A ship of midget aliens crashes on Earth and they have to find morphine to fuel their ship to go home. They decide to take over the local hospital to get it. In the process they kill all the doctors and nurses and kidnap two girls. Characters: The Aliens don't talk because they talk with their minds. So they don't need names and they chew gum constantly instead of eating. There are two actors for each alien character. Alien #1: Male Midget Alien. Leader. Voice of Alien #1: See Above. Alien #2: Female Midget Alien. Extremely clingy to Alien #1. Extremely dumb and doesn't talk much. She just follows around Alien #1 and does what he thinks her to. Voice of Alien #2. See Above. Aliens #3 and #4: Female Twins that are attached at the fingertips. They're always fighting and are afraid of humans. Voices of Aliens #3 and #4 See Above. Rachel: 17. They don't know what's wrong with her yet because she just got to the hospital so she sleeps all the time except for her random outbursts where she screams names of vegetables and tries to kill whoever's closest to her. Megan: 16. She's also new to the hospital and is doesn't know how to not talk. She can't eat because that requires that she stops talking. Scene 1 (Aliens #3 and #4 enter) Voice of Alien # 3: GET OFF ME!!! Voice of Alien #4: I didn't touch you!! Well, I did, but I didn't... you know what I mean. Voice of Alien #3: You're on my tail! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!! (Aliens #1 and #2 enter) Voice of Alien #1: SILENCE!! Has anyone seen the extra morphine? The ship is fine except the fuel tank had to be taped back together. Voice of Alien #2: And you did a wonderful job with the tape. Voice of Alien #3: What does the morphine look like again? Voice of Alien #4: It's the huge purple thing you moron. Voice of Alien #3: That's morphine? Voice of Alien #2: You said that was shoe polish!! Voice of Alien #1: You said that was WHAT? Voice of Alien #4: AHAHAHAHA!! You're so dumb!! Voice of Alien #3: Uhh, oops. I'll... go find some I guess. Voice of Alien #4: You are not! I don't want to go! Voice of Alien #1: You're going alright. Be back here in 60 Earth minutes or I'll attach you two by the eyelashes, too! Voices of Aliens #3 and #4: AHH! WE'RE GOING!!! (Aliens #3 and #4 walk offstage then slowly walk back on) Voice of Alien #3: Where do humans keep their morphine? Voice of Alien #1: If you want something done right you have to do it yourself. You bloody fools, follow me. (All Aliens exit) Scene 2 (Rachel is asleep while Megan is talking ) Megan: One day, I really want to lick my elbow. I mean, seriously, they tell you it's impossible, but one day I'll do it. You just wait and see. I'll be famous for it. OH! And I also want to make a dress out of saran wrap. Don't worry, it'll be the coloured kind and a lot of layers. And if that's STILL see through, I'll wear a bikini under it or something. Ha, you think I'm dumb enough to wear only that?! That would be, well, dumb. It would be kinda fun to make a dress out of caution tape. Or maybe the crime scene tape. I'm not sure. I guess whichever I find first would work. I've also decided that I want to answer a pay phone. Not like, someone getting the number and standing next to me and calling it. I mean, imagine this. You're walking down the street and a pay phone randomly rings. Do you answer it? It could be some creepy stalker guy that wants to kill you. Or it could be some old guy calling to get his medication from the drug store down the street but he called the wrong number. Or it could be some guy trying to call the pizza making placey thingy. You never know. But I'll be the one who picks it up. Just watch. Rachel: RADISH!!! (Jumps up and tries to attack Megan who runs away so they run around in circles. ) Megan: (screaming while she runs) I also want to be able to win in a staring contest against a cat. They always win! I swear they cheat though. I don't know how but one day I will find out. Those demon kitties!!! (All the Aliens enter upstage of Megan and Rachel and look in the window and watch. They “talk” to each other and exit) Megan: I swear, my kitty is out to kill me!! (Rachel collapses and falls asleep on the ground. Megan sits next to her and starts talking to her more.) Megan: One day, I was cleaning and I was looking under her pillow and she had a knife under there. I didn't put it there! I swear I didn't!! It just was magically there. She's a genius. She really is. I just know that one day she will kill me. OH! I've decided that I'm going to write a whole essay on toilet paper. Once I get back to school I'll just turn in a roll of toilet paper with my essay on it. It'll be great! You know, now that you mention it I really have to pee. I'll be right back. DON'T MOVE!!! I swear, I'll be back. (begins slowly backing off stage) I will, don't you worry. Just stay there. I promise I'll be back!! Don't miss me too much!! (runs off stage) Scene 3 [Megan is still in the bathroom and the Aliens all enter from killing the Doctors and Nurses] Voice of Alien #3: There's a girl in here!! Voice of Alien #4: Maybe she knows where the morphine is. Voice of Alien #3: I was going to think that!! Voice of Alien #4: Well I thought it first so HA! I win! Voice of Alien #3: Just you wait, next time I'll think faster than it takes you to even think about thinking it. Voice of Alien #4: Yeah right, you couldn't think that fast if you were paid. Voice of Alien #3: I could if I were paid a lot! Voice of Alien #1: Tell me 11 people who would consider paying you for something like that and I'll believe it. Now hurry, see if she knows anything. Voice of Alien #2: Hello? Morphine? Helloooo? Rachel: BROCCOLI!!! (Attacks Alien #2) Voice of Alien #2: AHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME!! GET IT OFF ME!! Rachel: BROCCOLI!!! (passes out on top of #2) Voice of Alien #2: Are all humans like that?? Voice of Alien #3: Yes. Voice of Alien #4: No. Voice of Alien #3: Yes they are. I know. Voice of Alien #4: How do you know this? Voice of Alien #3: I'm smart, and I just know it. Voice of Alien #4: Riiiight, just how you knew the morphine was shoe polish? Voice of Alien #2: It worked pretty well, see? (Megan enters still talking) Megan: See? I told you I'd be back. Hi! I'm Megan! Who are you? I'm Megan, did I already say that? Well, even if I did I just said it again. So yeah, who are you? Voice of Alien #1: We are from another planet and we need morphine. Now. Megan: Rachel, did you hear that? Voice of Alien #1: By now, I mean right NOW. Megan: AHH! Your lips aren't moving but you're still talking... AHHH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! (runs in circles screaming) Voice of Alien #3: Told you all humans are insane. Voice of Alien #4: Fine, you win this time. Voice of Alien #3: I know I do. Hey, what does this button do? Megan: NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT!!! The doctor gets angry when I do... or... did. Voice of Alien #4: Push it. Push it!! PUSH IT!! (chanting.) Voice of Alien #1: Maybe it will give us morphine. Megan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (collapses.) (The button beeps and nothing happens) Voice of Alien #1: Huh, well that’s disappointing. (To Megan.) You will show us to the morphine. Megan: I don't know where it is. I've never even heard of morphine before. Is it a blanket? Is it a comfy one? Because that's just no fair if they have comfy blankets and they just gave me that one. It's terrible!!! Voice of Alien #1: SILENCE!! Show us to the morphine. Now. Megan: I'm not leaving without Rachel. While she tries to kill me and thinks I'm all different kinds of vegetables and stuff, she is a very good listener and I can't leave her behind. Voice of Alien #1: So she comes with us. Lets go. (Alien #1 grabs Megan's arm and pulls her off stage. Alien #2, #3, and #4 all drag Rachel off stage behind them.) Scene 4 Megan: I just simply have no clue where to look for comfy blankets. I mean, they only gave me bad ones. Where to look for bad ones even, I have no clue! Voice of Alien #1: Look for them you fool. We're running out of time. Megan: I'll try, but I can't look by myself. That would be silly! Voice of Alien #1: Go look with her. We'll wait here. (Alien #2 and Megan walk off stage) Alien #3: So what do we do with this one? She's kind of boring. Voice of Alien #4: She's kind of lumpy, too. Voice of Alien #3: Not really lumpy, just ... okay yeah lumpy. Voice of Alien #1: Stop it and sit. Just wait. They'll be back soon. [Awkward silence] Rachel: TURNIP! (tries to attack #3) Voice of Alien #3: RUN!!!! (Rachel chases Alien #3 and #4 around the stage until she passes out again. Right after she passes out Alien #2 and Megan return carrying a few blankets) Megan: This was the best I could find. Will this work? Voice of Alien #1: This is not morphine you moron! Morphine is fuel! Fuel does not come like this!! You're useless!! Leave us! Megan: I'm... I'm what? Voice of Alien #3: He said useless. Voice of Alien #4: Duh. Megan: Useless? Me? Useless? I'll show you how useless I am! Lets go! I'll show you where the best morphine is!! Come on! (They all exit following Megan) Scene 5 Megan: Is this morphine? What about this? Hmm, this has to be!! Voice of Alien #1: No. No. No! NO! NO!!! This is pointless!! Megan: No it isn't! I'll find it!! Lets look in here! (Opens the door to the room the aliens put all the dead bodies.) AHH! Are they... dead? Voice of Alien #3: They're still here? Voice of Alien #4: We thought for sure after this long they would have melted!! Voice of Alien #3: I guess humans take longer to melt than we do. Megan: Melt? Since when do we melt? I don't want to melt! Don't melt me! Please?! I don't want to meeeeeeeelt!! (Grabs Rachel and starts dragging her off stage.) I won't let you melt us! Rachel's been too good to me to deserve to melt into a little puddle of Rachel Goo! While she would be a beautiful puddle of Rachel Goo I like her too much like this! Rachel: CELERY!!! (Gets up and begins chasing Megan off stage.) Megan: SEE! She's definitely in track! Voice of Alien #3: How are we going to find the morphine now? Voice of Alien #4: We aren't, doofus! Voice of Alien #3: What? Voice of Alien #1: She's right. We're done for. Voice of Alien #3: What? Voice of Alien #1: We've lost all hope. Voice of Alien #3: What? Voice of Alien #4: What are you, broken? Voice of Alien #1: Leave me be. I need to be alone. (All aliens exit, except for Alien #1) Voice of Alien #1: I've failed you. I could not find the morphine to get our ship powered to get us home. I'll never forgive myself. We may be discovered and what will these Earth people say? We're too different. We're... faiiiiiilures. (Starts crying) THE END!!
Mynx Posted March 9, 2007 Report Posted March 9, 2007 *bursts out laughing* This is brilliant! And without a doubt the best laugh I've had in a long time *huggles tightly* Thank you for sharing Mylo *giggles* Radish...
Patrick Posted March 9, 2007 Report Posted March 9, 2007 *giggles* That was great. Gave me quite a few laughs. Thanks for sharing!
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