Whisky in Babylon Posted February 20, 2007 Report Posted February 20, 2007 (edited) I got a mean case of writers block, I'd like to fill in the poem a little more but for now this is what I got. .Drip .Drip .Drop . . . let it flow down hear it fall to the porcelain . down the drain through the tube . watch it all fade with a . .Drip .Drip .Drop . . ........... EDIT: Took Quins crit to heart. Thanks so much Edited February 23, 2007 by Whisky in Babylon
burittodood Posted February 22, 2007 Report Posted February 22, 2007 i like that poem. simple and full. it reminds me of an assignment we had in contemproary theater class where we had to be an object. my friend was a sink.
Quincunx Posted February 22, 2007 Report Posted February 22, 2007 The framework of the poem appears nearly complete to me: the number of lines, the positions and periods of the spaces, the suggestions and repetitions of 'drip' and 'drop'. The only part which seems out of place is the line "hear it fall to the porcelain", which in my bathtub would happen before the drop hit the drain and the tube (pipe). If "let it flow down" is flowing down your skin as I assume it is, it needs to remain where it is relative to the porcelain; that entire couplet needs to be moved as a unit.
Whisky in Babylon Posted February 23, 2007 Author Report Posted February 23, 2007 I did not even relise the order of it, It was kinda a quick scribble, but you are right so I will switch the two, it makes the poem sound and flow better. Thanks
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