How soon will?

[Xaious, Master of Time]

How often have I been here? Driving not so far as far, in my car, so late at night?

Thinking pondering to myself sometimes aloud, listening to music of adrenaline and relaxing simultaneous.

Of life and work and school and such, of things of principle and what to do or would have dones.

To think of people what ought to be dead, the immoral and the ignorant.

Him what does with those of not the age, or him what needs know his place.

That place is not with elbow to one else's throat.

Ponderings on life and where is lived, and where to live and when to live in such a state.

To ponder on him and those what would be boarding with.

The road stretches on, curving some with lines and reflectors shining at me. The streetlights sparse, yet more numerous than the stars this night, and the sky aglow it's naturally abnormal viridian hue, bordering toxic green.

I think of friends what receive no attention of mine, who give to me what less even. To him who I've just returned to his home temp, burgers and drinks us we have fed.

How odd that we have the same hat?

Steadily I come near to my house, and continue my musings.

Dear friend who does not read this and never will, I think to myself. I think Dear friend, how I wish it could be just a little different. You may be surprised how good it could be. Push you I will not, but if you ever were to reconsider, it'd joy me.

Oh how little some know of what I truly feel. But she does.

Oh wait, but now I'm home. Is my door locked I wonder to myself, and of course it is, so through the garage with me. Into the house and to my room, but first to stop at the rest stop to the right. The seat and lid are new, it's a wonderful experience, and now to gather my thoughts.

It was a wonderful day today, the writer thinks to himself, even with those negatives.

How can he not think this?

For sooth, Life is Beautiful.

 

 

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------(Not nearly as good as it was running through my head on my way home earlier. Commentos, yes?

[Katzaniel]

My brain calls out for whitespace, but the long rambling lines are part of what makes this so unique, a uniqueness that I'm cherishing. I do think that you should make an attempt to separate it into two or three "verses" and that it wouldn't hurt if a bunch of those lines were split in two... but splitting it into multiple lines per line and many versus would almost be sacreligious, in hindsight - I'd be curious to see the difference, though.

 

I love the "How odd that we have the same hat?" line, and the end is terrific.

 

I'm really having trouble picking out what I like so much about it, because it's so unique, but the rhythmic rambling and almost overly detailed points (ex, "naturally abnormal viridian hue") , these help. Another distinguishing factor, I guess, is the manner of speech: "people what ought to be dead", for example, instead of "that"... I don't like this so much, but it's acceptable, and giving the speaker a unique way of speaking isn't exactly harmful to the piece.

 

"How can he not think this?" - that's good. And not because it's meant to be a stinging sarcasm - it's not, is it? Because when I get to that point in the poem, I fully believe it.

 

Yeah, so it's cool.

[Wyvern]

I pretty much agree with Tanuchan, Xaious... this is very interesting and distinctive stuff. :-) I think that the further this poem ventures into the unconscious ramblings of the mind, the more interesting it becomes to me. My favorite lines are the ones that deal with the place that's "not with elbow to one's throat," as the half-grammatical contemplations tend to flow well and give the poem a very personal feel to me. The only lines that I didn't like in the poem were the ones that detailed the narrator's current point in travel, as lines like "Steadily I come near to my house, and continue my musings" didn't feel quite as important to the poem as a whole to me. Overall, though, I think you do a great job of relaying a state of mind in this piece, and pull the reader right into your thought process with your well-structured lines.

 

Very good poem, Xaious. :-) Thanks for sharing it