Whisky in Babylon Posted February 9, 2007 Report Posted February 9, 2007 (edited) The clocks red light reads 1:32 am, she smiles as she sees than looks to him and her smile grows that much more. "Its raining pretty hard" He saids looking to the window. All she does is smile and takes his hand with a chuckle. "Lets go!" "What?" "Lets play in the rain" "Its pouring" "So?" She jumps up putting on her shoes with the rainbows and unicorns on them, she knows they will be ruined but who cares? He is now grinning as he slips on his shoes which also will likely be ruined in the dancing rain. Both armed with only sweatshirts and pajama pants, hand in hand venture outside. It is not long before the rain does what rain does best, Soak everything. But thats alright they are together and free from all the troubles of daily life. The park is near by and will be theirs for the night. The lake is a pool of ink unsettled by a thousand tiny drops and the dock a dark hand streching out twords the silent island in the center. She lays upon the dock and smiles reaching out twords the water. "It feels like theres no bottem." "Dont fall in" "I wont..." "Yes you will come here.." He helps her up and steals a kiss, or is it that she lets him have it? They cannot see eachothers face but both know how beautiful the other is even in the pouring darkness. "Lets start to head back" "Alright" They turn and go down the road pocked with puddles that go to the shin. She of corse laughs and jumps in everyone she finds. He cannot help but admire his playful soaked maiden. Inside the house now they both glance across the mirror their hair is reduced to dark strings that cover their shinning eyes. Their hands now held tight and their clothes nearly falling off with the weight of the water. They are wet, shivering and probably going to wake up with a cold. But they are happy, truely and unquestionably happy with their arms now wraped around eachother and the sound of the down pour in their ears. ------ This is the true story of a night I spent with my very special boy who currently is in flordia while Im in new york and I miss him so much so I thought I'd share my most fond memory with him. I hope you enjoyed it. Edited February 10, 2007 by Whisky in Babylon
Gwaihir Posted February 9, 2007 Report Posted February 9, 2007 The emotion is clear and truly beautiful.
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 10, 2007 Report Posted February 10, 2007 Yo Whisky, yo Whisky, yo Whisky - GO! What a wonderful story! I love how it feels very intimate, thoroughly including the reader in the experience through clear narration. One thing that I felt halted the flow was the numerous spelling errors. It would probably be a good idea to run your works through a spell checker before posting them. I do - I'm a terrible speller myself I despise Microsoft Word - too many frustrating 'conveniences', so I use a nice text editor, like TextPad or Open Office's Writer.
Whisky in Babylon Posted February 10, 2007 Author Report Posted February 10, 2007 Heh thats always an issue
Quincunx Posted February 10, 2007 Report Posted February 10, 2007 Firefox 2.0; spell checker included in the text submission field, underlining faults with red lines. I haven't looked into how to add words to its lexicon, but it's handy for catching simple typos.
reverie Posted February 10, 2007 Report Posted February 10, 2007 I'm a terrible speller. So, Use the FireFox thing that Q suggested plus the Google tool bar spell check. The Google tool bar one rocks.
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 10, 2007 Report Posted February 10, 2007 I use Firefox at home. Right clicking the word underlined in dotted red gives an option to add to the dictionary.
burittodood Posted February 24, 2007 Report Posted February 24, 2007 oh man im such a horrific speller that i didn't even notice the spelling errors. man thats lame. whats not lame though is this story/poem (what a teriffic transition *admires his handy work*). it reminded me of riding my bike to my best friend jeannies house in the rain. the emotion as gwaihir said is clear and beautiful but also true to you. i think thats what makes this peice so moving. the reader, moi, can feel what you feel. normally i think this kind of stuff is so cheesy and over done and blah-de-blah cause its just the writer wishing which makes it fake but because it was true for you it was true for me. i really enjoyed that. you must have some sort of wand up your sleeve that turns stone hearts into real hearts.
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