Wyvern Posted February 6, 2007 Report Posted February 6, 2007 The sound of a needle scratching a record is followed by a slightly off-kilter newsroom trumpet medley. The cameras pan around the news HQ of such celebrities as Kassie Kurazy and Bob Suloberrin, only to veer off to the left to land their lenses on the far less professional news quarters of Wyvern Q. AlmostDragon. The overgrown lizard swivels in his wooden stool until his wings and tail stinger face the camera. He clears his throat loudly as the news medley record begins skipping. "Good evening to the Mighty Pen." Wyvern pauses as the medley record screeches to a halt. His wings freeze up as the troglyodyte in charge of the program's text runs within camera range, holding up a text sign that has the words "YOU'RE FACING THE WRONG WAY" scrawled over it. Wyvern does a 180 on his stool with a nervous laugh. "G-g-good evening. *ahem* Welcome to the Almost Report, your weekly sssource for non-stop Pen news, shameless almost dragonic plugs, and occasional troll knock-knock jokes. Brought to you by Almost Dragonic Brand Emergency News Stools - when it comes between sitting or standing, use the stool (or stand, if you want to avoid back cramps)." Wyvern shuffles some paperwork between his claws, shredding it as a box appears in the upper-righthand corner of the screen. The box shows a close-up image of Zool with an exceptionally ugly and distraught expression on his face as he's tossed out of the Pen's Courtyard by force. "In current newsss, Garden Gnome Recreations are the talk of the Pen as pennites everywhere contribute items and sign their name on the most recent Roll Call list. Visit the gnomes and drop off an item to make them feel at home, then stick around for the weenie refreshments afterwards." The box with Zool's image fades away, only to be replaced by a box showing Patrick's face surrounded by news cameras. "In other headlinesss, news of the new guilds has surfaced. General guild-honcho Patrick Durham refrained to comment when questioned about the guilds, but offered his hand in retrieving any writing previously available in their archives. Though details are sketchy at best, we now bring you live to the site of the Temporary Dumps, where activity has begun to take shape. Trog?" The box in the corner of the screen goes static for a moment, then shows live camera footage of a lizardman standing on top of a pile of words in the Dump. The reporter raises a microphone to his mouth to speak, only to be crushed by a new load in mid-dump. The box promptly flips back to the picture of Patrick. "Eheheheh. Heh." Wyvern snaps a claw several times until the image of Patrick in the box fades away. The picture is replaced by an image of Canid, who appears to be surrounded by the exact same cameras that Patrick was dealing with in his picture. "Wrapping up thisss evenings headlinesss, Minstrel Hall dwellers should look into Canid's recent Pen history discussion to offer their insight. The ominous debate continues to loom: will the history be recited orally as a series of enactments to the Pen public, or will it be presented in pamphlet form? Only time will tell." Wyvern tosses shreds of his news briefs up like confetti and dusts off his claws. "That'sss about it for this evening. Oh, but before I forget..." Wyvern reaches up to the box in the upper-righthand corner and grabs it, removing the cameras from Canid's picture and revealing a frame with cameras drawn on it. "Almost Dragonic Brand Popularazzi Picture Frames - get'em before your face ends up surrounded by cameras on the news!" ;-)
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