Mardrax Posted January 21, 2007 Report Posted January 21, 2007 (edited) Scent marks; Tracing pheromones years back Electric goosebumped spines Seen before passing memories Intoxicating through a feline Jugend craze Nucking futs and daring socks On a deserted island All days are good _______________ Might very well toss this one a revision some time I'm actually sober and awake. Otherwise, live with the seeming incoherentness Edited January 23, 2007 by Mardrax
Wyvern Posted January 23, 2007 Report Posted January 23, 2007 Haphazard or not, I like this poem Mardrax. :-) The arrangement and alignment of seemingly alien words is particularly interesting to me, with "Jugend craze" standing out amongst others. I also like how it traces pheromones of memories past through a sense of smell. The placement of "Nucking futs" is cool as well. The only part of the poem that feels off to me is the last stanza... the other three stanzas feel personal and embedded in experience to me, while the last one feels like a general statement that anyone could have made. Interesting stuff. :-) I'm glad you decided to share this "unsober/unawake" poem with us here. It'll be interesting to see what direction you take with it should you choose to revise it.
Mardrax Posted January 23, 2007 Author Report Posted January 23, 2007 Everything alien in there is because it's a whole lot of incrowd talk, and the last two lines only seem bland because you don't know the song they were translated from http://www.liedjesland.com/Liedjes/kvk/op_...oond_eiland.htm *jiggies* I won't be revising it as it really is as perfect as I can get it. I might well be taking the first stanza and expand that independantly though.
Appy Posted January 24, 2007 Report Posted January 24, 2007 (edited) *grins and chants* "expand, expand" And funny how even without realising where the last stanza came from it made some sense to me. More so now though Edited January 24, 2007 by Appy
Mardrax Posted January 24, 2007 Author Report Posted January 24, 2007 I wouldn't have quoted it if it wouldn't have made sense to begin with
Mardrax Posted January 27, 2007 Author Report Posted January 27, 2007 (edited) updated link to that song, especially for all the non-Dutchies out there, but for all the Dutchies too of course it's evil realplayer stuff though. http://cgi.omroep.nl/cgi-bin/streams?/vara...kvk002_video.rm Edited January 27, 2007 by Mardrax
Mardrax Posted March 13, 2007 Author Report Posted March 13, 2007 (edited) II; Unison One, two, Reflected couple three, four blonde on blonder doubles Turn it on, cross the line, and hit it. Aquatic adhesive lubricant divider Orange overpowering pheromones Carefully judged by a penguin God One dash of hot Hair dripping, tangled Both bodies mangled And you know it's all Your fault! _________________ It's not it, but it works. More haphazzardness! Edited March 13, 2007 by Mardrax
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