A Feline Birthday

[Tanuchan]

This was written for Panther's birthday a few days ago, and posted in our The Reincarnation Guild boards. Peredhil thought it would fit well in the Library here and be a fun read, so I hope you enjoy it.

 

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Tanny

Knight-Captain

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A Feline Birthday

« on: January 11, 2007, 07:30:38 »

 

 

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Thanks a lot to Venefyxatu, Mynx, and Mooncalf who wrote this with me.

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Venefyxatu wanders in the corridors of the Mountain Hall, his mind partially lost in reading the parchment he carries in one hand. So, it takes him some minutes to register a soft grumbling approaching him from the corner just ahead of him. He raises his head, blinking and trying to refocus his attention just in time to see the shadow cast by the figure approaching in quick steps. But not in time to avoid the owner of the shadow, who bumps hard into him.

 

Given the mass, impulse, and vector of the mages, the result of the collision is a Nether mage sprawled on the ground with a Phantasm mage frantically trying to balance herself - with hardly any success.

 

"Hm... sorry, Venefyxatu..." Tanny tries to extract herself from the black robes that had managed to wrap around her legs, inadvertently sticking her hand right through the parchment Venefyxatu is flailing around with while trying to get up himself.

 

Vene winces at the soft tearing sound. "Aaah... " he looks at the ruined parchment, and sighs. "Oh well... I wasn't really able to decipher what was written in there anyway... where are you going in such a hurry?"

 

"I'm sorry for the parchment, Vene... here, let me see if it can be salvaged..." She takes the torn paper, and chants a soft enchantment on it. The fibers knit to each other, and she hands it back to Vene. "I was trying to find Mynx... she has been visiting us, but it's been hard actually locating her..."

 

Vene looks at the parchment in wonder, and Tanny smiles. "A small trick I learned while studying Verdancy books... this specific parchment is made of wooden fibers..."

 

"Oh.. is it? Interesting... that might help me understanding what the spell is about... you can't do anything about about the blurred ink, can you?"

 

She shakes her head. "No, I'm sorry. Dyes aren't my specialty... maybe someone adept of Verdancy? Most of those inks are of vegetal origin."

 

"Maybe... I wonder if Mr. TongueTwister is around. Why are you looking for Mynx?"

 

"Mr... TongueTwister?"

 

"Yeah... that new member... Mstrk... Mstkrf.. erm... you know."

 

"Oh! Mr. NoVowels, right!" She chuckles softly, and continues while gesturing Vene to walk with her. He complies, carefully putting the parchment back in his bag and pointedly ignoring the tearing sound it seems to make out of sheer malice.

 

"I need Mynx's help to prepare a surprise for a big cat... you know, being a cat herself she might have ideas. But since I cannot find her... "

 

"Surprises for cats?" Vene quickly reviews the current inhabitants and guests at the Mountain Halls, and tries a guess. "Big cat - Panther maybe?"

 

Tanny nods. "He's also a bit hard to find, but it's his birthday. I wanted to throw a surprise party, but I'm out of ideas... specially on how to have him appearing there."

 

"Mmmm... panthers .. catnip! That'll attract Mynx as well"

 

"I used catnip last year..."

 

"Oh... sweaty shirts? Teaser loves them ... "

 

"Teaser?"

 

"A cat that visits me... she thinks she's my owner, apparently. I have told you about her, haven't I?"

 

"Yes... quite some time ago... " Tanny eyes Vene carefully, trying to remember some pictures she has seen. "Hmmm... maybe potato crisps... "

 

"With cat-food pie?" Vene grins mischievously.

 

"Or a nice mattress. Cats love sleeping. Comfy mattress with inviting duvet under a beam of sunlight... with potato crisps and cat-food pie laced with catnip. Would that work for attracting cats?" Tanny's grin matches Vene's with perfection, and they start their way towards the Halls' kitchen. "I wonder if Tzimfemme is around to cook some..."

 

"I'm pretty sure it would work... and Tzim loves cooking. Perhaps we can get her to provide us ... err ... the party I mean, with chocolate, too. Or you can add something shiny, which moves, and has an interesting sound."

 

"Like... Gralq?"

 

Vene blinks, staring at Tanny. "Gralq? Is he shiny?"

 

"Well... if I use oil flasks on Gralq, then polish him, and send sheep to butt him so he moves with a baaaah... white polished bears should shine..."

 

For a few moments Vene is completely silent, his mind picturing Tanny polishing Gralq followed by sheep pushing him, then laughter fills the corridor, attracting the attention of a mage who's checking his shining white robe for spots. Mooncalf waves at Tanny and Vene, joining them.

 

"Hep! Why are you so merry today?"

 

"Oooh... perfect! Maybe you can help!"

 

Mooncalf quickly looks around, assessing the room for cover. "Where? How? When?"

 

Vene chuckles, "A birthday party... for our catlike Knight-Captain. Tanny here is wondering how to catch him. Or maybe how much Officer-smiting a Holy Priest of Anu-Anu can do."

 

"Oh... smiting is what we do best... let me just get my special Thrice-blessed Spatula of Birthday Smiting!"

 

While the pair of them wait for Mooncalf, they hear a loud crash, followed by a string of cursewords in a variety of languages...and a familiar voice. Raising an eyebrow at Vene, Tanny moves down the hall until she comes across one of the rooms that stores records of past battles and encounters.

 

The normally tidy room is in shambles - what seems like an entire shelf full of records is now on the floor, mostly covering a dusty, battered, and (judging by the flattened ears and slashing tail) very angry tigress.

 

"Sneerrrfrecti'," Mynx snarls to herself. "I spend a month in a kreftin filing room at work and now that I have some time off, what do I do? I spend it in a slagging filing room."

 

"Need some help there, Kitty?" Tanny tries to hide the smirk on her lips. It isn't often she sees her friend caught on the back paw. Ears pricking at the voice, Mynx turns to find Tanny and Vene watching her with smiles. Sighing wearily, Mynx manages a small smile and crawls out of the pile of records.

 

Dusting herself off, she waves a paw and mutters a chant, cleaning the room in an instant. That done, the feline turns her attention back to her friends.

 

"How are you both?"

 

"Well, actually Kitty, we've been looking for you." Vene smiles.

 

Mynx's ears prick with interest and invite them to continue.

 

"We want to set up a surprise party for a certain cat friend of ours," Tanny continues, "and we thought some input from a fellow of the species would help."

 

"I suggested cat-food pie!" Vene offers, faltering as he sees the look of utter disgust on Mynx's face.

 

"Cat-food pie? Are you mad? We're carnivores! Not some domesticated house pet that's forgotten the heritage its forefathers bestowed!"

 

Tanny raises a hand to her mouth to hide the fact that she can't stop giggling. Vene opens his mouth a couple of times to say something but finds he can't think of anything to say except for: "Right. Sorry."

 

"Anyway," Mynx continues in a more good-natured tone. "If you want to throw a party, why not a midnight bonfire? Us felines enjoy the night, and the fire will provide both light and heat, as well as a place to cook your food if you're that way inclined." Smiling, the feline looks at her two friends and sees a wide grin on their faces. "I see you like the idea?"

 

"Very much! It's a lovely idea, Kitty - thank you!" Tanny hugs her, then frowns a bit. "We just need now to find Panther and have him find the bonfire... and a place for it. BelZpock won't like the idea of a bonfire in the middle of the Halls' main room..."

 

"A Gate to some place?" suggests Mooncalf, also waving his Thrice-blessed Spatula of Birthday Smiting. "We can go in first and smite down anything dangerous lurking there," he points out grinning.

 

Vene nods, adding, "Good idea! And as for how to take Panther there... can't we... erm.. "borrow" something from him... that will make him follow us?"

 

Mynx's whiskers twitch in an amused way as she forwards another idea. "I can send some of the minions to his quarters... they just need to get something he'll notice and be keen on recovering."

 

Tanny muses, and looks at Mynx. "But your minions should be careful if they don't want to be skewered and barbecued... Panther won't take gently to having one of his possessions being stolen. Are you sure they can do such stunt?"

 

Mynx looks at Tanny rather smugly, "They're very smart. Same as humans."

 

"Depends on the human..." mutters Vene.

 

He wilts a bit under Mynx's stare, and Tanny giggles. "I kind of doubt your minions will survive... but if you're willing to... "

 

Mynx looks at Tanny with a raised eyebrow, then nods. "Alright. I'll send some in there, and let's see what happens."

 

 

A bit later, three minions sneak into Panther's quarters. A quick survey shows the room is empty, and the kittens starts their search. Meanwhile, the other conspirators split in two groups - Tanny and Vene heading towards the kitchen, and Mynx and Moony finding an adequate place to open the Gate.

 

 

 

 

"A gate, a gate.. how nice, how nice," Mooncalfs exclaims and start rummaging through his various pockets. "And i have just the riiiight thingy, here.... somewhere."

 

After a few more moments he produces some sort of ... well .. device. "Here we go.... my Wondrous Gating Wand." MoonCalf beams.

 

"Your wondrous what?" Mynx is clearly not impressed and eyes the Wondrous Gating Wand with suspicion. Well, it is a wand, or was at some time, at least before someone added numerous dials and knobs and levers and antennas to it.

 

"My Wandrous Gating Wand ... forget all that ancient stuff like waving your hands around and chanting and candles ... we are in the next century now, this IS technology ... look, I'll just punch on it what kind of place I desire to Gate to ...here ... like this... then I set the radius here .. check the mana storage unit and off we go!"

 

Before even Mynx with her superior reflexes has time to jump for cover, Mooncalf presses the trigger with a very wide grin. An arc of lightning misses the chandelier by inches and the two mages are blinded by the flash and deafened by the thunder, but as sight and hearing return there IS a gate hovering in the midle of the room.

 

"HA, it worked ... I allways wondered ... lets check out where it gets us"

 

 

 

 

As instructed by Mynx, one of the minions leaves a paw imprint on the bedsheet to show who has been in there, then looks around for the proof of the visit. The minions quickly discard the most obvious items - the point was to take something that would be missed - and after a somewhat longer, more careful search, they find the swords. They shine almost eerily black, catching their immediate attention.

 

 

 

 

Brandishing his Thrice-blessed Spatula of Birthday Smiting high over his head, Mooncalf jumps through the Gate. Mynx, against her better knowledge but driven by curiosity, follows. They find themselves right in the middle of some idyllic clearing, scaring away a school of bunnies (that's like a school of fish - but with better algebra).

 

"See Mynx ... this place is peeeerfect for the party ... just too many trees for my liking, but that can be solved easily." And again before Mynx has time to say anything, MoonCalf launches a volley of good 'ol fireballs into the nearest trees.

 

"MOONCALF WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!", booms a voice through the suddenly not so merry, but pretty dark and sinister forest.

 

"What the..." MoonCalf looks around frantically.

 

Mynx finally has the time to take a good look at the surroundings, and whispers, "I know where we are ... "

 

"Savanna's forest ... oh ... damn... " they finish the sentence together.

 

"Erm .... we better go and search for another place then ... erm... fast." They both jump back through the gate and dispell it instantly.

 

"So, I'll try something else then ... I think the problem was that I didn't activate the long range mode, so we ended up still in CftM lands ... could have happened to anyone .. here, that should solve it, now it will take us to a place far away."

 

There is another lightning, and a second gate appears.

 

 

 

 

"I'll poke Gralq and he'll tell the others to come. Now, what happens when Panther comes through the Gate..." Tanny enters the kitchen, looking for Tzimfemme.

 

"Everyone jumping on him would be a bad idea, no?" Vene peeks in the kitchen, smelling saffron buns.

 

"Hehe... why a bad idea?"

 

"You go first, then..." Vene follows his nose until the newly-made buns, sticking out a hand to grab one of them.

 

Tanny ponders for a second, and shakes her head. "Unless he casts a fireball first, and that would be bad. Though I can cast Resist Elements just in case. And I'll let Mynx jump in first, she's fireproof... "

 

"Ouch!" Vene blows on his fingers, burned by the saffron bun, while casting flight on it so it doesn't fall on the floor. "Oh great, so he'll see a whole bunch of magically-protected critters jumping at him..."

 

"... and use a common sword on us? And by the way, I hope those silly minions don't choose one of Panther's swords... they'll indeed be barbecued."

 

 

 

 

At Panther's room, satisfied, the kittens climb on top of each other to create a small tower of fur as the upmost minion tugs the sword from its place. Once back on the ground, the kittens place themselves with one on each side of the crossguard and one lifting the back to keep the tip from dragging. Satisfied, the minions leave the room. But, unfortunately for them, Panther is right on his way back to his room after an afternoon out and just sees them leaving with the sword. With a warning shout, he rushes after them.

 

 

 

MoonCalf takes the lead again, jumps through the Gate, and the world goes white ... and cold... and more white .. and windy ... cold ... and wet ... but mostly white. Mynx arrives, and looks around her. "Mooncalf, while I find this weather perfectly adequate, I'm not sure everyone else wants to have a party in a damned blizzard."

 

"Uhm ... I was making sure that we DO get far enough away this time ... maybe I've overdone it a wee bit ... looks like the Arctic to me ... well no sense in making the party here ... only Gralq would like it ... back through the Gate!"

 

"You go ahead," Mynx purred, lying down in the snow, "I want to cool off a bit first."

 

"Uhm...right...I'll just go to the gate...which is right over there..."

 

After stumbling blindly through the snowstorm for a few minutes, shivering and cursing, MoonCalf has another idea. Mynx sixth sense alerts her of his doing "Noooo Moony don't....", but too late .. kazaaam ... Inferno erupts all around them.

 

Two slightly burnt and at the same time completely soaked (well snow turns to water when heated) mages return to the Mountain Halls some seconds later.

 

"Well what are you so angry about? It DID work, I found the gate didn't I?"

 

Mynx answers by giving him a angry stare. "I could have led both you and I back there through a blizzard ten times worse!"

 

"Ok ok ... this time I'll program it for some warm place... you'll like it there .. promise." Lightning flashes and there is another gate. The two jump through only to emerge again about a nanosecond later, stomping out flames on there robes.

 

Mynx looks really furious now, shouting, "THE CENTER OF A VOLCANO? You ARE trying to kill us, aren't you?"

 

MoonCalfs replies meekly, "Well it was warm, wasn't it?"

 

"You're mad .... I won't follow you through any other gate that hellish device of yours produce... you go and find a nice place, I'll stay here and wait."

 

"Ok ok ... fine by me, you'll just see I'll have us the right place in no time"

 

A while later, and after some unpleasant visits to a sacrificial pit, the oceanfloor, Tzimfemme's kitchen (where they briefly catch Tanny and Vene struggling over a donut while waiting for buns to cool), an elementary school and the nine pits of hell, Mynx finaly loses her patience.

 

"Give me you gate stick... now!"

 

"No, you can't use it, it's a very delicate instrument!"

 

"NOW"

 

"No, its MINE!"

 

A nasty skirmish starts between them, ending abruptly as the Wondrous Gating Wand breaks in two.

 

"Oh, oh ...."

 

A mighty kaboom shakes the Mountain Halls.

 

 

 

 

Oblivious to the explosion - they just thought it due to one more apprentice mishap - Tanny looks at the floating bun, and reaches out for it. "I can always Paralyze him... Eradication has a lower SL, he might not resist it."

 

"Hey, that's mine!" Vene bats Tanny's hand away from the saffron bun, grabbing it. "So now we're getting *offensive*, too, huh?"

 

"Hmm... I think that's a bad idea..." Shrugging, Tanny eyes the buns still on the tray and chooses one for herself.

 

"Maybe you could get someone to whack him over the head with a club, too, as a distraction?"

 

"You can go - good luck." She bites carefully into the bun. "This is delicious! Tzim really knows how to bake them... And please, don't throw a surprise party for my birthday, ok?"

 

 

 

 

Mynx and Mooncalf regain conciousness, finding out that a big hole has been blasted right through the wall to the library.

 

"Well done ...MoonCalf, you better hope the books inside didn't get damaged or the others will get very upset... some of them tend to be pretty sensitive about the library."

 

MoonCalf puts his head through the hole. And emerges a bit later looking slightly confused. "Uhm ... I've never gone into the library before, is our library different from the other libraries?"

 

"Huh? Well it's bigger, that's all..."

 

"Uhm.... ok ... it doesn't have anything special like maybe a beach?"

 

"WHAT? Have you knocked your head in the last explosion? NO library on Terra has a beach!"

 

"ah well... " MoonCalf grins sheepishly, "Then I guess this here is not the library anymore, tell the others we just found the perfect spot for the party!"

 

 

 

 

The kittens dart through the corridor, paws skidding along the floor and followed closely by Panther. The mage considers quickly a spell that would stop the kittens without harming the building, at the same time swearing at Mynx - he did recognize the minions, after all. Turning a corner, he sees the minions jumping through a Gate.

 

Panther hesitates for a second, quickly letting his mage sense scan through the Gate. Part of his mind wonders at its location - straight through what should be the Library wall.

 

Sensing no danger, he goes through the Gate with a protective spell ready to be cast - and is greeted by loud shouts of...

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PANTHER!

 

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