Guest Phoenix Posted January 8, 2007 Report Posted January 8, 2007 fool i am a fool am i a fool? i am a fool to want what is not mine to want to what? what is't to want? mind, my mind is not whole within the skin its in within within the skin you were in the whole within the joints are gone i bound you in i bind the joints the joints you bound are gone i bind nothing the fool comes alone to her sin sins alone i was a fool to come come fool come alone come... fool.
Mynx Posted January 8, 2007 Report Posted January 8, 2007 While I'd hardly call you a fool, Nix, I like this poem very much. The rambling flow works nicely with the content and I almost felt myself hypnotised by it. Although maybe that's just cos I need sleep... Seriously though, I like this lots *hugs*
cryptomancer Posted January 15, 2007 Report Posted January 15, 2007 beautifully rambled, i like very much. though i must agree with Mynx.. you are no fool.. i love the repetition and flow, the way it amost dances in the mind. very nice.
Quincunx Posted February 3, 2007 Report Posted February 3, 2007 The poem falls like a jacob's ladder, showing each side of each line in turn. I only hesitated at "to want/to what?", and that might be due to having an accent where the two words are not at all alike (the 'a' of "what" is much more harsh than the other). What I find most clever are the connections between the lines, never repeating just for the sake of repeating, but carrying the poem forward.
Whisky in Babylon Posted February 9, 2007 Report Posted February 9, 2007 Wow I really like this. The flow of it is really nice and was really enjoyable to read. Like Quin said it really does fall like jacobs ladder and just all and all is a really good poem.
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