Dreamless

[Cheyenne]

*please tell me what you think...everyone!!*

 

I heard a whisper in the hall last night.

It was soft, so low, yet crystal clear with meaning.

Like usual however I turn away with just a wisp of regret tugging at my heart.

(As usual however I turn away with just a wisp of regret tugging at my heart.)??? what do ya'll think?

How long had it been I silently wonder?

How long ago it seemed since the bright rays of hope shone upon my doorstep let alone my soul.

It wa so easy to do nothing.

To simply wonder at the lives of others while my own drifted away with the years and the only thing changing was the creases around my eyes.

Soon, too soon, the creases would become wrinkles beckoning me ever toward old age and oblivion.

It is much like the crashing of an airplane.

Once you realize it is going to happen you just sit back, without a fight, and wait to die.

Panic welled inside me as my minds eye turned inward to the long cold loneliness of life.

Icy cold fingers grasped fleetingly at my heart, threatening to overwhelm me with grief.

Until once more, I turn away.

Silently accepting the fact that my name won't be recalled or remembered beyond my death except by a grainte slab planted in the ground.

Such as is the life of one who exists but fails to live.

Edited November 20, 2006 by Cheyenne

[Peredhil]

I like the feeling of fear you captured here. I think a bit of punctuation might help to reflect the pauses that happened when I read it aloud.

In line 3 - "as" instead of "like" felt better when I tried it - what do you think?

 

I do know it's WONDERFUL to see you posting again.

[Cheyenne]

You are correct "as" would flow from the tongue with more smoothness. Puncuation....never my stong point but am willing to work on it. Thanks for the input! You're the best!