Zadown Posted November 13, 2006 Report Share Posted November 13, 2006 take a man gut him and pour acid of anxiety inside let the flesh burn into ulcers when he relaxes leans back into the inevitable surrenders whip him with ice and snow pelt with hail and kick, once for good measure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 Ouch. I really like this poem, Zadown. From the visceral opening to the extra-sadistic close, it definitely packs a sting. I like the slanted rhyme that connects the last lines of the second and fourth stanzas, as it seemed to tie together the whole torture metaphor well. I also like your use of violent verbs throughout, with "gut" and "whip" standing out to me in particular. Anyway, cool stuff. Thanks for sharing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 yesss *wanders off again* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Very expressive. Am I allowed to add "take care of yourself!"? -Gwai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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