Curious Mylo Posted November 12, 2006 Report Posted November 12, 2006 Why Self Flushing Toilets are Evil Impatiently standing in line, I crossed my legs and waited for a stall to be open. When it was finally my turn, I opened the door and stood face-to-toilet seat with it. A self flushing toilet. It was a new experience opportunity and I was excited! I sat down and while I was doing my business I reached for the toilet paper and it happened. It flushed while I was half done doing the do. Just what I needed, a huge splash on my backside. Needless to say, I was NOT impressed. The worst part was that after I was finished I had to stand there and wait for it to flush. I cannot walk away from an unflushed toilet, and this one was not flushing. Some have little buttons, but no, not this one. Self flushing toilets are taking over public bathrooms everywhere. Are they really such a good idea? Throughout the malls and public bathrooms of America, laziness and forgetfulness is being both taught and encouraged. People are forgetting to reach down and flush non-self flushing toilets. Plus, they don't have lids, so they forget that all the non-public toilets have lids that need to be put down. If they don't, any innocent kitty could accidentally fall in and go for an unexpected swim. In that case, the whole self flushing idea is not lowering the chances of being left a little present. It is greatly increasing it! If people would remember that not every toilet is self flushing, they would remember to not leave little floaty presents for the next person in line. Germs and bacteria on toilet flushing handles may be a concern, but using common sense could kill that idea and the germs very easily. Washing your hands is a smart plan whether or not the toilet flushes for you. The toilet paper is public bathrooms is see through sandpaper and will not protect your hands from unwanted germs. But if you are really that freaked out about touching the handle, try kicking it. It's not like the bottom of your shoe is all that sterile to begin with. It walks through worse things in a parking lot. Bacteria and germs do attach themselves to toilets, but that is why the sink was invented and placed conveniently in front of your face when you walk out of the stall. Lastly, things tend to fall out of pockets at the worst time and find themselves floating, or sinking to the bottom, in toilets. Even with how disgusting it is, sometimes you need to reach in and grab it. (Which is where the whole hand washing idea is brilliant.) But that is only an option if the toilet doesn't decide to flush while you're pushing up your sleeve. Then whatever was important enough to reach in for is gone to the sewer fishies. Isn't that sweet of it? Toilets are not only disgusting, but they are also backside splashing, insubordinate, inconsiderate thieves. Slowly, I am seeing more and more self flushing toilets infect public bathrooms all over the country. Reaching down and flushing a toilet takes much less time than waiting for the sensor to cooperate. Then when your bracelet or watch decides to go swimming you won't lose it to an evil self flushing toilet. Why not go back to normal, non-possessed toilets and shorten the public bathroom lines all over the country? THE END!
Savage Dragon Posted November 12, 2006 Report Posted November 12, 2006 Agrees entirely!!! and then goes off in search of small explosives to continue the fight
Sweetcherrie Posted November 12, 2006 Report Posted November 12, 2006 lol! This is a great monologue! Laughed almost all the way through, and yes, I also agree that it's just one of those stupid "convenience" inventions. And boy, aren't we being diapered enough already in this society? I mean, no walking to the TV to switch channels, noooo, instead we just create a new illness...a TV thumb. No more cooking, nuhuh, instead we complain about bad health...well, what do ya know, if there would be less TV diners, and more exercise you might actually see more involvement, less estrangement (cause people actually do talk when they eat diner properly at a diner table) and less "colds". In fact, I say that once we've banished self-flushing toilets, we should ban TV diners! *grin* sorry, got of course, but hey, very cool piece of writing you have here
Degorram Posted November 13, 2006 Report Posted November 13, 2006 Oh, most well debated! I agree entirely: self flushing toilets are evil. I enjoyed every intricately placed word and cannot wait to read more of your stuff! ~Dego
Mynx Posted November 13, 2006 Report Posted November 13, 2006 I loved this and I totally agree. Luckily, New Zealand only has a few of these demonic creatures, and only in the most touristy of tourist places so we don't really encounter them in every day life. But their number grow... *plots toilety destruction*
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted November 14, 2006 Report Posted November 14, 2006 I could not have stated it any better myself. Most well done *bows lavishly, flourishing large hat with gigantic plume that poofs into air on command* I have had many an experience (not to myself of course) that when I am peacefully doing my buisness there is a loud flush and an even louder and rather annoyed sounding expletive nearby. How unfortunate. Again, bowing in your general direction. -Kikuyu
Savage Dragon Posted November 14, 2006 Report Posted November 14, 2006 There was one instance where i went to the bathroom and it didnt only have automatic toilets, it also had automatic lighting... which meant if you took to long sitting in a stall, which i just happened to do, the next thing you knew, you were suddenly sitting in the dark. Not my definition of fun
Quincunx Posted November 14, 2006 Report Posted November 14, 2006 (edited) [EDIT: I've been poked in the head and reminded that we're supposed to be putting intense feedback in the Critic's Corner, so peek in there instead. The feedback post was longer than the original piece. Oh, and Savage Dragon. . .I know you're more of the short-story type, but bits of a "Ballad of the Man in the Dark" sprang to mind, and will not be dislodged. . .pants are on the floor, something something something *click*. Now this means war. . .man will win against machine, bring on the cherry bombs.] Edited November 14, 2006 by Quincunx
Elvina Posted November 15, 2006 Report Posted November 15, 2006 Lol. Ah, this was funny. Makes me glad I haven't had the experience of a self-flushing toilet as yet. We do have now (in Australia) touch-plate flushing, which means all you have to do is press part of the wall rather than depress a button. See much difference? Neither do I... Be thankful you weren't on a squat toilet. Ever heard of those? Popular in some countries, but not mine thankfully, and I'm not even male. NO idea how males - or ANYONE for that matter - could find it comfortable doing a number one - or heaven forbid a number two in one of these >Squat Toilets< See any toilet paper? Just you try reading down the page for a few nasty surprises there... http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif Er, yeah, that was off topic, but Quincunx has given this a good going-over in Crit's Corner, so all I can say is: good work, and I thought this was very amusing and pretty well written, Curious Mylo. Elvina
Curious Mylo Posted March 10, 2007 Author Report Posted March 10, 2007 It took me quite a while to get this revised, but I like it Thank you again Quincunx for your help. Why Self Flushing Toilets are Evil Impatiently standing in line, I crossed my legs and waited for a stall. When it was finally my turn, I opened the door and stood face-to-toilet seat with it. A self flushing toilet. It was a new experience and I was excited! I sat down and while I was doing my business I reached for the toilet paper and it happened. It flushed while I was half done doing the do. Just what I needed, a huge splash on my backside. Needless to say, I was NOT impressed. The worst part was that after I was finished I had to stand there and wait for it to flush. I cannot walk away from an unflushed toilet, and this one was not flushing. To exceed normal evilness, this one had no little button to press. Self flushing toilets like this one are taking over public bathrooms everywhere; are they such a good idea? Throughout the malls and public bathrooms of America, laziness is being both taught and encouraged. People are forgetting to reach down and flush non-self flushing toilets. Which many public bathrooms still have. In that case, the whole self flushing idea is not lowering the chances of being left a little present. It is greatly increasing it! If people would remember that not every toilet is self flushing, they would remember to not leave little floaty presents for the next person in line. Germs and bacteria on toilet flushing handles may be a concern, but using common sense could kill that idea and the germs very easily. Washing your hands is a smart plan whether or not the toilet flushes for you. The toilet paper in public bathrooms is see through sandpaper and will not protect your hands from unwanted germs. If touching the handle bothers you that much, try kicking it. The bottom of your shoe isn’t all that sterile, anyway. You could also use your hand inside a sleeve or use a little extra toilet paper between your hand and the handle. Bacteria and germs do attach themselves to toilets, but that is why the sink was invented and placed conveniently in front of your face when you walk out of the stall. Things tend to fall out of pockets at the worst time and find themselves floating, or sinking to the bottom, in toilets. Even with how disgusting it is, sometimes you need to reach in and grab it (which is where the whole hand washing idea is brilliant). This is only an option if the toilet doesn't decide to flush while you're pushing up your sleeve. How sweet. Whatever was important enough to reach in for is gone to the sewer fishies. Self Flushing toilets are not only disgusting, but they are also backside splashing, inconsiderate thieves. Slowly, I am seeing more and more self flushing toilets infect public bathrooms all over the country. Their sensors work when they shouldn’t and refuse to work when they should. Reaching down and flushing the toilet takes much less time than waiting for its sensor to cooperate. The momentary overactive sensor has single handedly invented WTS (Wet Tush Syndrome). Returning to non-possessed toilets would abolish WTS and shorten public bathroom lines all over the country. THE END!
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