Ozymandias Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 predators prey upon ourselves we pray and pray for solace our souls are torn our minds are worn at the tree of ultimate knowledge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted November 26, 2006 Report Share Posted November 26, 2006 Nice poem, Ozy. :-) The way that you juxtaposed the words "prey" and "pray" in this really intrigued me, as placing the two concepts side by side made for a very interesting and original parallel. The second half about the tree of "ultimate knowledge" didn't grab me quite as much, though the concept of our minds being "worn" while we're at the tree was interesting and it strengthened the biblical feel of the piece overall. Something about the word "ultimate" in the last line bugged me a bit, maybe simply because it gives that line a higher syllable count than the others and feels a bit wordier. "Endless" might work there, though it doesn't hold quite the same meaning as being the highest and final form of knowledge. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing this. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetcherrie Posted November 27, 2006 Report Share Posted November 27, 2006 In a few words it captures the tired feeling you can get from putting too much weight on your own shoulders. Personally not too fond of the comparisons made with Adam and Eve, but I do like how you managed to zoom in on the feeling with these few words. sorry, might not be making too much sense, but I do like how this turned out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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