My First Time Donating Blood

[Rune]

**I am not sure if this counts as a story but I figured I would post it. It's a recap of a recent event in my life - Hope you enjoy it **

 

I came into work Tuesday all normal like to find a huge bus sitting in our parking log with the familiar Blood Bank signs all over the side. I decided I wanted to be all heroic like and finally take the plunge and donate. I managed to convince another co-worker who was also weak kneed with fright to go along with me and we both hot footed it across the 150 degree parking lot (gosh I love Florida) to a tiny air conditioned oasis out in the middle of Goofy and Donald.

 

We were immediately greeted upon entering the tiny doorway into the meat wagon by a man who was so large I had no idea how they even managed to get the fellow into the bus. He was very kind and once hearing that we were both newbs at the vampire thing handed us some papers and asked us to fill out the form. "Fill in the circles completely, double check all answers." Got it.. No wait, what period am I in again? Is this history or math? Ack!

 

I managed to settle down onto the one seat that was available in the whole waiting area that consisted of a 2 by 4 foot space where a co-worker was already seated waiting to donate. I'm filling out my paperwork listening to the poor soul with whom I drug along with me talk himself through his. "Yes!" he suddenly exclaimed. "What?" all eyes on him. "No wait, you've gotten your ears pierced in the last 12 months?" someone near him asked after reading the last question he had filled in. "Oh 12 months? Well no, I misread the question." We all laughed. "I was just excitied because I thought I finally got one right." We all rolled around on the floor laughing. The bus started to roll to the left but luckily large chubby nurse guy counter balanced it by leaning a bit more to the right.

 

"I'm done!" I said, pleased with myself that I had finished first and catching a scowl from my buddy who I drug along. "Here ya go, Im ready!" little did I realize I would then be stuffed into a room that was about the size of a porta potty where I would be forced to not only endure physical pain but mental anguish as the nurse reread my application and then chopped the end of my finger off. "Thank you" I squeaked when it was all over. Its good to know minus the tip of my finger everything else on me is quite healthy. Out of the porta potty and into freedom!

 

But not so fast. "Which arm is the best? Left or right?" "Well now that’s a good question, ive always favored my right but I think my left might be.." "Ok right, sit here" and I found myself parked into a remake of a 1970's lazyboy. "Hold your hand out here, wrist up.. Do you want anything to drink?" "Ah well no thank you, I'm good." As I sat in the ice bucket sticking to the vinyl seat wondering what on earth I have gotten myself into I see my buddy emerge from the porta potty himself and then out the door. "Wait, what's going on?? Come back.. Nooooo" but he was gone and I was left to face the vampires by myself. That’s ok though! I am smart, I am strong, I am woman! (and well I bleed just as good as the other guys here.)

 

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"Um well no, I think I am good but thank you."

"Sure you don’t want anything to drink?"

I peered at the beverage nazi with one eye…

"Do I NEED something to drink?" I tried giving her a code signal that was the best I could get at "westside!" in an effort to communicate with this request. Maybe she had the good stuff.

"Well no, Just thought you might be thirsty."

"Oh .. Oh ok then, no I am good but thank you."

 

Ten minutes or so later chubby nurse guy makes his way down the narrow hallway of the bus past the other corpses to me. "Alright, Want me to stick her?" he asks to the beverage nazi. "Sure." she replies and shoots me a look that I am sure meant Northside. I think I may be ready to go now.. But ah, too late! Chubby nurse guy is rather agile for his size. Within moments several hundred pints of shiny red blood are flowing into a bucket the size of a bathtub. "Do you want something to drink?" he asks. Argh!

 

Ah, its happening.. There's my blood. This isn't so bad. Shoot, this right here, this is cake! I could do this all day…. Long….

 

Suddenly I felt a bit parched.

*cough* "Excuse me, Miss, Might I have a beverage?"

Suddenly I felt as though I had spent the last 2 hours on the tilt a whirl. "I think I might be getting a little light headed." Before I could say much more all the nurses on the bus decided that the best course of action to deal with my minor medical emergency would be to give me a nice cold cloth for my forehead. Aparently they were out of nice cold clothes because before I could say anything they had dumped a whole house of sopping wet towls on my face and neck. My shirt was soaked, my hair has reached maxium frizz by the sudden introduction of too much humidty, and the icebox of death on wheels now feels as though I have traversed the antartic.

 

"Well thank you medical team. I think you may have saved your patient."

 

After enduring several more minutes of comments such as "half-pint" and all the cracks at how I could now participate in a wet tee shirt contest I looked down to see that they had somehow mysteriously replaced the bathtub of blood with a tiny red bag. "That’s all you got?" I asked, pointing at the bag. "Yeah" chubby nurse guy said with remorse. "well its better than nothin!" I said, proud at what I had managed to squeeze out before death almost took me. "We won't be able to use it" he explained. Something about them needing a full pint to make it worth anything. Well shoot, guess all I did was come out here to bleed then.

 

They held me hostage for a few more minutes before I was released back into the wild. I stumbled across the now baumy 70 degree parking lot (I was doused in ice water, remember?) and fumbled my way through the doors back into the building. Check me out with my shiny green bandaide. I had donated blood! I truly was heroic! Someone will live because of me! Ok well maybe not, but I don’t have to tell anyone the rest of the story now do I.

Edited October 12, 2006 by Rune

[Wyvern]

Great story, Rune. :-) I found it very funny and engaging throughout, and admire the way that you treat such a morbid subject with such humor and grace. I really like how you set the mood of the story with your personal tone and perspective, particularly with the comparisons of the nurse and blood donor process to "beverage nazis" and "vampire things." That really sucks that the whole attempt to give blood was foiled because of the quantity specifications... I hope your proud of yourself for going through with it anyway. :-)

 

Thanks for sharing this snippet of your life here, I definitely enjoyed reading it. :-)

[Kikuyu_Black_Paws]

Very inspiring! I've never given blood myself, but I've heard countless horror stories about the vampires, and my older sister even had a story about the beverage nazi. It seems that every blood drive has one. Although she did get cookies. Yum.

 

What a shame they couldn't use the blood! After all that trouble. It's a good cause, but I wouldn't want to have the tip of my finger chopped off. I'm rather attached to it.

 

But yes, congratulations on giving blood and a truly, truly marvelous tale. Even though I'm practically dying of lack of sleep here....*snore* *yank* oh, wait, where am I? Oh yeah, still at the computer.

 

Well, good ni-*snore*

 

 

Suffering Insomniac Kikuyu Black Paws

 

Ninja - sleep = zombie + frustration

 

Not good

[Xaious, Master of Time]

Heh, enjoyable. Makes me think of all seven times I donated blood...Specifically the last time. The nurse stuck the needle a little too far in, then pulled it back enough to get it back in my vein...so I bled a good bit into my arm (six inches from my elbow in both directions was nothing but bruise...for about a week.)

Good story, I especially enjoyed the part where they chop off the fingre tip... It's the only part I really dislike about it. (And every time I donated, they always managed to get that same little sot on my finger..I have a little permanent mark there...)