Love

[Sparhawk]

Love is a very powerful feeling

Perhaps the most powerful feeling

Love can make people do things they thought they'd never do

People will make fools out of themselves in the name of love

Love is the one feeling most people never want to lose

 

Love is common but at the same time rare

Love is something most people have but at the sametime don't

Always keep your heart open

If you close your heart you may never find love

 

Some people find love in unexpected places

Others find love without even realizing they've done so

Most people find love when they are no longer looking for it

 

Love isn't always perfect

A lot of the time mistakes will happen when looking for the right person

 

When you find love make sure you never let it go

 

 

Ok I honestly don't know what's up with me lately, nor do I know what's up with my new style... it's just something that's coming to me more often this past week for some reason...

[Peredhil]

Much of it quite true. If you don't post often, how can you find your "voice".

[Sparhawk]

lol! PERED!!!!!!!!!!!! I was waiting for you to say something about something I wrote.

 

Anyways I don't post often because most of the time nothing comes to me... but lately all of this has been coming to me...

[WrenWind]

*hugs*

[NickCall]

I don't want to come of as an ass (though I might), but I would like to offer criticism, if I may:

 

To me this seems more like an essay in line form than any sort of poem. It just comes off as something spouted from a soapbox with little meaning; a simple theory shouted as if from a herald on a street-corner. To be fair and honest, I feel little emotion at all from it, I feel as if you really don't give a damn about love, and that it is merely a definition to you. Love is so much deeper than that, and much less superficial and it is near impossible to make an abstract seem logical, which you seem to be trying to attempt. Love is not only a positive but also a negative, and so much more. Even when entangled with love, it causes you paranoia or a fear of loss. Hence why Jedi do not love

 

I say that because I used to do the same thing. Just write thick meanings but no emotion. Poetry, as I have come to learn, is more an art for providing words for feelings. At least the good poetry is.

 

Not saying follow my critique or anything, just saying, it didn't speak to me. Poetry should go from the heart to the hand, with no stops in between.

Edited October 12, 2006 by Memento Mori

[Sparhawk]

Your criticism is more than welcome. But I assure you... for me at least, there is a lot of emotion in that... And I know your feelings very well too, which is what drove me to write a couple other poems before my latest 3.

[NickCall]

I suppose my perception of the lack of emotion stems not so much from the fact that you aren't FEELING the emotion, rather moreso from some hinderance on CONVEYING the emotion. The work just seems bland. There's litle flair, no verve. Where're the literary enhancements? The devices that give poetry that empowering feel?

 

The best way for me to put it is I feel cheated. It's just bland to me is all. Hence my inability to feel the emotions you have on the subject

[Sparhawk]

Where're the literary enhancements? The devices that give poetry that empowering feel?

 

Umm... no... I'll write my own poetry from how I feel at the time and with w/e words come to me at the time. I do not care much for using superficial devices to try and enhance how I feel... cause in my opinion, good poetry shouldn't need any enhancements to be good... Sorry but that's how I feel on the subject.

[NickCall]

I agree, it shouldn't be something forced, and if you don't want to take the advice I give, that's your perogative. Just saying I didn't enjoy it and I gave my reasons why.

 

As for the devices being superficial? That's a load of bollocks. They're there to convey your emotion. If you don't convey it, we don't feel it. Instead I read an essay with spaces between the lines; a mere definition of love, not a single emotion to it.

 

And if I start stepping on toes, just say so, and I'll stop, but I have a strong passion for this stuff; not only writing it, but also being able to read and enjoy it. If you're in love, you honestly could've fooled me. And I'm sorry, but that's how I feel on the subject.

Edited October 12, 2006 by Memento Mori

[NickCall]

I'm gonna double post myself, but whatever.

 

Just adding a little addendum to things.

 

Literary Devices are simple little flairs and additives that show that you are serious about your work. Yes there should be a direct flow from heart to hand, but not everyone can read your heart. These devices allow your true meaning to be interpreted, and to really allow a piece of poetry come to life. They should not be forced, of course, but a conscious effort to recognize a good place for one and to put it there will give your work a greater level of effect. A poem, by far, is no quick and easy thing to write. In fact, I find poetry EXTREMELY hard to write. What appears to me here, and this may or may not be true, is that you sat down, and spat this out in 5 minutes. I'm not out to get your goat or anything, I'm just saying, there's a lot here not being used. Even the simplest of devices would increase the value of your poem. Unfortunately, as it stands, it does look just like some bland definition and an essay on the, as you seem to present it, simple and easily defined emotion of love.

 

Remember that the words themselves are a mere tool. It does not make a work any less poetic if you take a few minutes to choose them wisely. In fact, quite the opposite is true. If I may be so bold as to cite a work by one of my favourite poets:

 

John Keats wrote a poem entitled Ode to a Nighting Gale, and it is a fantastic piece of work. It expresses his sense of loss after the death of his brother, and the reader can feel his sorrow. The specific element I wanted to cite, however, and this might help you see what I mean, is his rhyme scheme. Rhyming is the thing that people feel makes poetry repetative, and gives it that false feel. My rhyme schemes, if you read enough of my works, are sort of bland, and I really dislike the way they turn out sometimes; from a literary perspective, at least. What people get caught up on is the 'Dr. Seuss' pattern, which is essentially AABBCC and so on. Keats, however, utilizes rhyme scheme to actually give his work a natural flow, and it makes a HUGE impact on the feel of the piece. His particular scheme fluxuates, ABABCDECDE. Now, that might not seem special at first, but the feel it gives is one of a tottering and finally falling nature. After experiencing a heavy loss, a person tends to fluxuate in their moods, then gives a sudden fall into another. The 'falling' CDE CDE pattern exemplifies and provides that feeling.

 

MY heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains

My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,

Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains

One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:

’Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,

But being too happy in thine happiness,-

That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees,

In some melodious plot

Of beechen green, and shadows numberless,

Singest of summer in full-throated ease.

That particular passage also has a number of other powerful literary devices that make it an absolutely astounding and moving work.

 

Essentially, all I am saying is, Don't cheat yourself. You have these emotions, and they are genuine. It should take you a fair bit of time to construct and present them in a moving and empowering manner. We want to feel what you feel, and you want us to feel that, otherwise you wouldn't write the poem.

 

[Raises a Carpal-Tunnel-Afflicted hand to wipe the sweat from his brow]

 

Thank god I decided not to get into Meter... Well, I'm not a big fan of meter anyway. But yeah, a poem should take you a fair bit of time to write, otherwise, and in my completely and fully honest opinion, anyway, you are being half-assed.

 

I think it's time for some sleep now. G'night.

Edited October 12, 2006 by Memento Mori

[reverie]

Momento. True, literary devices are important. But you can only write what you know or aspire to. So I'd say draw from you influences, whoever that might me whether it's Keats, Cold Play, or whatever inspires you.. You might want to be a little more specific (to the work your are critiquing) with throwing out terms like literay devices/enhancements. It does cover a lot of ground:

 

 

http://mrbraiman.home.att.net/lit.htm

 

Literary devices refers to any specific aspect of literature, or a particular work, which we can recognize, identify, interpret and/or analyze. Both literary elements and literary techniques can rightly be called literary devices.

 

 

 

Literary elements refers to aspects or characteristics of a whole text. They are not “used,” per se, by authors; we derive what they are from reading the text. Most literary elements can be derived from any and all texts; for example, every story has a theme, every story has a setting, every story has a conflict, every story is written from a particular point-of-view, etc. In order to be discussed legitimately, literary elements must be specifically identified for that text.

 

 

 

Literary techniques refers to any specific, deliberate constructions of language which an author uses to convey meaning. An author’s use of a literary technique usually occurs with a single word or phrase, or a particular group of words or phrases, at one single point in a text. Unlike literary elements, literary techniques are not necessarily present in every text.

Edited October 13, 2006 by reverie

[NickCall]

Fair point.

 

Essentially my only advice was to make use of the Literary Techniques available. Not even the complex ones; a simple simile goes a long way.

 

But my point keeps getting missed, for some reason, so I guess I'll just stop. I dunno if I can attribute that to my lack of communication, or to the psychological defense of polarization. Probably the former, since I bit my tongue through half of my posts, trying not to be as brutally honest as I wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

Meh, I can't wander off. My point, from the get-go, in this entire thread, was to say that his work is a little bland, and that the use of literary techniques (I'll admit to that correction) is a possible way to add to the piece and make it seem more fitting for a subject like love. At this current point in time it looks like a glorified definition: as if Webster attempted poetry. After he said the Techniques were superficial, I felt need to defend the time-tested principles with a few examples.

 

My interpretation of the work is more than likely not what Sparhawk intended it to be, and that's all I wanted to point out.

 

I read it as, "Love is cut and paste, and though the greatest of all emotions, is fairly simple rather bland, and none-too-exciting, but it should be enjoyed by all." And I'm more than certain he intended it to have a different meaning.

 

So, there are no specifics for me to cite in his work, save his style, which I did. The work itself, however, is what my critique falls on. I did support my critique, last I checked, though I can't give him specifics without making it seem like I'm trying to write it for him.

 

He doesn't even need to use techniques, persay, another suggestion is just to change styles. To what? I don't know, that's his decision, really. But the current style is very dry, which would be good if he was describing love as something dry. Love is a passionate subject, so perhaps a style in the writing that reflects the passion of Love a little better. That is my point at core: The Style clashes with the subject matter to a negative effect on the reader. A change in style, (at the very core, diction and syntax) would have an astounding effect on the quality of the piece and the perception of the reader.

[Mardrax]

*grins as he watches two persons give voice (and give in ) to issues he's all too familiar with in himself*

 

... no further comment, your honour

[NickCall]

I'd like to take a small moment to apologize to you as well Sparhawk, if I got too out of line. I'll admit I got a tad carried away, but I have my reasons for having done so.

 

Please don't take this as some personal attack. After all, I r just a n00b here. It was me getting worked up over my own passion. So much so, I forgot to offer advice in a far more sympathetic way.

[reverie]

Don't worry about it. If I was offended, believe me, you would know.

[NickCall]

Don't worry about it. If I was offended, believe me, you would know.

I wasn't apologizing to you!

 

[Peredhil]

Memento - you sound very knowledgeable on the subject as well as passionate. Too cool!

 

Join and get busy in the Critic's Corner! That's the place that people post things for the really down and gritty learning process feedback. We don't have many who can provide your type of feedback and it's needed.

 

Many of our members are just average guy/gal-on-the-street who, if they've ever thought about poetry, did it only in the shower and laughed uneasily at themselves when they said it. My "Should I post?" poem is written to that type.

 

You have skill AND training on criticizing - I really think you'd be a strong addition in the right place - the Critic's Corner. Fortunately, you picked Sparhawk to whom to make suggestions; I know from experience how strong he is and so it was no problem.

Some of our other members prolly would've curled up emotionally and died at the strength of your feedback!

 

suggestively,

 

Peredhil

[Ozymandias]

I rather like the gentleness of the wording, and word and line flow. Love is passionate, true, but isn't it also one of the gretatest peaces and balms in our lives?

 

You reminded me more than a bit of Kevin Max (formerly of DCTalk)'s lyrical style in this one, Spar. Well played. :>)

[Sparhawk]

First of all

 

I'd like to take a small moment to apologize to you as well Sparhawk, if I got too out of line. I'll admit I got a tad carried away, but I have my reasons for having done so.

/me beats you over the head with a frying pan.

 

Now you take that back right now. There will be no apologizing for sharing your opinions with us. There was nothing wrong with what you did therefore there is no need to apologize.

 

I try to be different on purpose, and I can't rhyme. That is why I use the style that I do. Some might like it, some might not. And honetly, there is only one person whose opinion on this matters to me, and that is the person I wrote it for/about even if she doesn't know it yet. And she liked it, so that's what matters most to me.

Edited October 16, 2006 by Sparhawk