Sparhawk Posted October 3, 2006 Report Posted October 3, 2006 Love is the one thing that is overrated the most Love is the one thing that will always end with someone hurt Love is the one thing I'll never have Love is the one thing that will always bring tears to my eyes Love is the one thing that always makes me hurt Love is the one thing I want most Love is the one thing that teases me the most Love is the one thing I will never taste Love is the one thing I will always be scorned by I honestly don't care what anyone says, this is the truth... now have fun telling me how much of an idiot I am and to snap out of this... though I'll tell you right now it won't work...
Wyvern Posted October 4, 2006 Report Posted October 4, 2006 Hmmm... The conflicting feelings towards love give this poem a very strong base to work with, and your frustration and sadness are both very apparent in the tone, but I can't help feeling that the poem might work better if the first person "I" was dropped from it. You touch upon some interesting concepts on how love can tease and torment that I'm sure many can relate to, but the "I" seems to be at the center of the poem rather than these thoughts and emotions. Your "Everyone But Me" poem gave off a similar impression to me, so I just wanted to offer a potential way to convey your feelings with more strength. This is the Pen; people understand that what you're writing means a lot to you and comes from your experience, and will sympathize even if the "I" doesn't dominate the piece. You don't need the "have fun telling me how much of an idiot I am" stuff to get people to sympathize with your troubles either... heck, you know the Pen is a community that takes good care of its brethren, so no need to make dramatic unlikely predictions. :-p Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your love troubles, and can definitely sympathize with some of this piece. Thanks for sharing this.
Recommended Posts