silentangel Posted September 13, 2006 Report Posted September 13, 2006 Below is a small poem that i wrote. I dont normaly write poems so it may not be that good but comment are very welcome. ............ I wish i could just tell you, Just hoping that you know. The true amount I love you, And just how far I'd go. Missing you each mintue, And every passing day. Longing just to hold you, So you'd never go away. Just promise me one promise, That you'd never let me go. To be with you forever, Is the hope I hold.
reverie Posted September 14, 2006 Report Posted September 14, 2006 (edited) neat. minor cursory suggestions: I wish i could just tell you, Just hoping that you know, The true amount I love you, And just how far I could/would go. Missing you each minute, <---(sp) And every passing day. Longing just to hold you, So you would never go away. Just promise me one promise, That you'll never let me go. To be with you forever, Is the hope I hold. (maybe another word here for the sake of rhythm, but am not so sure myself if you need it or not) ... It's cool as is, but if you want to take up a notch or two, consider trying to express similar thoughts without being so dependant on the word "you." If you think of it as a creative exercise. It might (stress on the might) open a door for you. take care, rev... Edited September 14, 2006 by reverie
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