forever skies

[Guest Phoenix]

on mornings when
the sky goes on forever i
breathe deep of the horizon.
mists swirl in shadow-patterns,
here among the ground-pounders,
and cars make eddies
in the pools of swirling dew.

beasts shake paws
that lift, damp, from the wet earth
and claim the earth again as theirs
as their human lords of creation stumble
blinded in the fog

Glimpses of
skeleton trees silhouetted
against a lightening sky.
The morning sun
breathes the ground awake

[reverie]

Nice shape-like poem. Vivid.

 

I especially liked the Skeleton tree line. Made me think of skyscrapers for some reason. Or trees in front of skyscapers yeah something like that.

 

Hmm, I'd reconsider the lower-case 'i' in the second line.

 

rev...

Edited September 5, 2006 by reverie

[Cerulean]

Hi Phoenix,

 

I think this poem's definitely worth a bump! It's a well-crafted piece that I really enjoyed reading. I particularly liked your deft word choices like 'ground-pounders', which gave freshness to a familiar topic. You have a brevity of expression that enhances the imagery and a feel for rhythm which eases the reader through the enjambed lines.

 

Lovely and lyrical, thanks for sharing.

 

C.

[Savage Dragon]

good poem!

 

the word "eddies" just isn't used enough, glad to see it made an appearance

 

look forward to more work

[Guest Phoenix]

thank you all

 

i like this piece more each time i read it. i didn't think much of it the first time. i'm glad it's struck a chord with you. thats whay i try for

 

and by the way, Savage Dragonthat dragon in your signature is _awesome_

[Ayshela]

Glad this got a bump, as I'd missed it the first time around. I like how vividly you've captured a moment and handed it over, whole, to us. I especially love the last two lines. That's an unusual expression which is still exactly *right*. =)