GOOD BYE BROTHER

[Chanz]

This was writen the day i cut my brother off, after years of putting up with his horrible behaviour. It was tough but the best thing to do.It may not be forever but it is if he can't get off the drugs that have messed up our relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

When a family member turns against you,

You ever want it to be true.

There comes a time,

Where the only thing that helps is to rhyme.

 

It hurts to cut the ties,

But it's easier than listening to the lies.

The years of tantrums and abuse,

Wears you down and makes your emotions cut loose.

 

Everything is your fault,

When it gets tough, they are the first to bolt.

They leave you there to clean up the mess,

Where you have to apologise for them and confess.

 

They treat you like a door mat,

And never stop to chat.

They don't stop to think how you might feel,

They don't even realise that you are real.

 

They've been doing it for so long,

That you start to realise that you're not that strong.

You don't want to bail out and run away,

But you don't have the powers to stay.

 

You have to put yourself first for once,

And stop feeling like you are the dunce.

You must put your feelings first,

Before your head begins to burst.

 

You must say a final good-bye,

And cut that last tie.

You must be strong and stand up for yourself,

Before you begin to lose all your health.

[Sweetcherrie]

I looked at your profile to see if you had defined a feedback level, but you haven't. So for the moment I will go with saying that I find this an interesting poem, and would like to thank you for posting it here.

 

If you would like more feedback, let me know and I will do my best

[Wyvern]

Definitely a heartfelt poem, Chanz. :-) The emotions behind this piece give it a very strong base to build upon. Here's hoping that the situation with your brother improves, it sounds like a difficult thing to endure... I like the beginning of the second stanza of the poem, as well as the words of encouragement that the narrator passes on in the later stanzas.

 

In terms of potential things to improve, the varying syllable lengths of the lines made the rhyme scheme feel a bit inconsistant to me. I appreciated the consistant four-line stanza structure of the poem, but at the same time felt that certain lines could be dropped for refinement, such as the third and fourth lines of the first stanza. Also, I was a bit confused by the manner that the narrator claims that "Everything is your fault" in the third stanza, only to go into extensively blaming the "They." Is the "You" of the poem mainly to blame here, or the "They"?

 

Anyway, it's great to see a new poem from you, especially after a lengthy absence. :-) Welcome back!