The Tale of the Satire

[Finnius]

There once was a ship,

And a bonny wee thing,

She bounced on the waves,

No ropes, only string -

 

She was lighter than air,

But not quite as sturdy,

And clean as a whistle,

If a whistle was dirty;

 

Two tattered sails,

On three leaning masts,

She floated on runners,

Made from her life rafts.

 

Most of her trips,

Were riddled with stress

Like monsters and pirates,

And men in a dress -

 

But that didn't stop them,

From trying their hands,

In search of adventure,

Or at least some dry land;

 

And sometimes they found it,

Land up to the neck!

But that only happened,

Right after they'd wrecked.

 

The crew never sailed,

More than twice in their lives,

And going out on her,

Gave most of them hives -

 

But still, she looked good,

In an odd sort of way,

And the sight of the Satire,

Made a privateer's day;

 

Or at least they thought so,

Until they tried to board,

And sank to the bottom,

Through the holes in her floor.

 

And this was a ship,

Where a deck was a floor,

They got it on sale,

For a few pennies more -

 

When they built the Satire,

They quite broke the mold,

And used it for scrap-wood,

Or so I was told;

 

But whatever the case,

I know that it's true,

The Satire's still sailing,

Way out on the blue;

 

Although the captain,

Has long called it quits,

Saying "Whoever named her,

It certainly fits."

[Akallabeth]

I enjoyed this work very much

 

It's full of quick humor and the wording/rhymes... well, I tried to figure out exactly what to say about them, but I'll have to settle with saying that I really liked how they fit together, and how each line rolls of the next so easily, and so well.

 

Quite glad to see some more of the Little Blue Mage's excellent humor and writing coming together in this piece

 

-Akallallallallallallallallabeth

[Sweetcherrie]

*giggle* I really like the way you’ve strong your words together. Great humour as well and nicely sarcastic at all the right places. I also really liked how you managed to captured the story so well together, and even managed to finish on a sarcastic note

 

Great work, and a pleasure to read

[Gyrfalcon]

Bwahahahahahahaha! That's great!

 

Very good work, Finnius, I greatly enjoyed reading this.

[Appy]

Another Blue Gem. Thank you, this made my day and it only just began! (the day, not this)

[Finnius]

*le blush*

 

Aw, shucks guys, thanks.

[Parmenion]

This was a thrilling pleasure to read. I very much enjoyed its quick pace, sarcastic humour and the way you paced out bits and pieces of the ship's tale. Its a refreshing read that you should be proud of. Well done!

 

The only part where I felt the poem stuttered a bit was this paragraph:

 

Or at least they thought so,

Until they tried to board,

And sank to the bottom,

Through the holes in her floor.

 

While the syllable count is 6 for each line the flow of the poem becomes interrrupted for me. Perhaps (and I wouldn't take this as gospel since my rythym usually sucks big time) something like:

 

Or so at least they thought,

Until they tried to board,

And sank down to the bottom,

Through holes in timber floors.

 

I aint happy with my suggestion but maybe you get me?