The Dreamer

[evesilverthorne]

I woke with a start, scared to the core of my being. The sheets were tangled around my legs, holding me captive in the bed allowing the dream to keep its grip on my heart and mind. I looked around the room almost hoping that it would still be the dream, but fearing in the back of my mind that it would be. This wasn’t the first morning I had awakened from the dream, and I knew in my heart it wouldn’t be the last. As I laid there in my bed I ran my memories back through the dream it was always the same and I , for some reason I couldn’t understand, always had to think back through it to make sure that the pain that flashed through my heart was as real as it could be.

 

The dream had begun as it always did; I was standing on the front porch of a well-maintained mobile home. I was alone, with nothing but the sounds of the mobile home park surrounding me. I had just finished a fight with one of my good friends over her boyfriend. She had gotten to the point where all she could do was get mad at me and call me jealous. The funny thing was I wasn’t jealous of them; I wanted them both to be happy. I cared for both of them, her as a sister and him; well that’s where the trouble all stemmed from. I loved the man. Not as a friend or bother, but as a woman would love her husband. I had for longer than I could remember. The simple fact was that I had never acted on those feelings and once he had found her I vowed to think of his as a brother and nothing more. I had kept that vow for six long years, through all the fights between the two of them. Through all the patching up of his heart that I had done, I never once stepped over that line, never told him how I felt, and never tried to make a move on him. This time I had been though enough, I was done dealing with the both of them. I stepped into my house and slammed the door behind me. Throwing myself down on the ratty old couch against the wall I began to cry. I was giving up something so special to me my heart was breaking. But as much as I wanted William to be a part of my life I couldn’t handle the stress of the two of them any longer.

 

I must have laid there for hours, not knowing how much time was passing or even if it was, when a loud knocking on the closed front door brought me back to reality. The emotional pain slammed into me as I sat up wondering who was at my door as I looked out the window and saw that it was dark. “Coming...” I called standing up and wiping at my face hoping it didn’t look like I had spent the day crying. I walked to the door and without even thinking about I pulled it open. My heart sank to the pits of hell at the sight before me. There standing in a tattered shirt and jeans that held him in a loving grip was the man that made my heart sing and had helped shatter it to pieces. I had so many things I wanted to say, from get out to I love you, but the only word that managed to squeak past my lips was his name… “William...” I stood my ground; I was not going to get into it with him too. However even as I stood there, mad enough to spit nails I drank in the sight of him, from this short cut hair to the sparkle in his eyes. It all made my heart ache to look at, but I knew that it would be harder to live without.

 

He grinned, it was a sight that tore not only my heart but my very soul. “Hi. I know I should have called to see if you were busy, but I didn’t think you would talk to me if I did.” His words were a whisper and made me wonder what was wrong. I knew that even though I had vowed only a few hours before to step out of it, to not be involved, if he asked for my help I wouldn’t be able to refuse. I loved him, that was never going to stop. Nothing was ever going to change, as much as I wanted away from him and the pain I knew I couldn’t walk away. My heart simply wouldn’t let me.

 

“What do you want William?” I asked trying to keep my voice steady. I refused to let him know that he still lived in my heart. It was just too painful.

 

“My friend back. I am sorry that we hurt you.” His words held controlled emotions that I was having a hard time reading. Something wasn’t right about this, and I was starting to worry. “Do you mind if I come in? I would like a chance to talk to you.” He continued.

 

I took a deep breath, my heart tightening in fear, “Sure, come on in. I guess I can spare you a few minutes.” I knew my words were sharp and angry, but I couldn’t seem to get the anger out of my system lately when dealing with him. I stepped back and motioned for him to come in, making my way to the worn leather chair in the corner. I sat down as far away from him as I thought I could get.

 

He stepped in behind and took in the house he hadn’t set foot in for over a year. He walked over and sat down on the floor in front of my chair, something I had never seem him do in all the years I had known him. He was putting himself on a level below me and I wasn’t sure that I liked it all that much. I watched as he took a deep breath before reaching his hand out and placing the tips of his fingers on my left knee. “We need to talk. There are some things that have been said and others that haven’t that need to be. You and I need to clear the air.” He was slightly shaking and suddenly I knew that something was indeed very wrong.

“So what do you have to say?” I asked looking into the eyes that had haunted my dreams since the day I first met him.

 

Again he took a deep breath. “I am trying to figure out where to start. There are so many things that I need to say. Are you willing to sit and listen to everything I have to say before you say anything?” he asked looking into my eyes. I wished silently to know what he was looking for in their hazel depths.

 

I sat there for a minute wondering what in the world could have him this worked up. “I will listen, I cant promise anything past that, but I will listen.” I had always prided myself on my ability to listen with an open mind to anyone on anything. So I settled back into the comfort of the chair ready to listen to my best friend and the only man I wanted to strangle on a regular basis.

 

“Let me start by saying that unless you want me to continue to call you Wolfie, I am going to start calling you by your name.” he stopped and looked at me with a strange expression on his handsome face.

I waited for him to continue, but he just sat there looking at me with the saddest expression I have ever seen in his eyes. “Go on William.”

 

“Was waiting to find out if you wanted me to keep calling you Wolfie.” He smiled, the smile actually starting to break through my defenses enough that I could suddenly feel the heat from his finger tips on my knee.

I sat there for a moment trying to figure out why he would want to change from calling me Wolfie. I didn’t mind that he did it, he was one of the very few that still did. So I decided to ask why he wanted to change. “Let me ask you this before I give you an answer. Why?”

 

His eyes clouded for a moment before his answer came as a whisper, “Because I don’t think of you as Wolfie.” Was his only response. He moved his hand away and I nearly shivered at the loss of contact. “The reason I said we need to talk was I was just walking up this afternoon when you were going at it with Bonnie. You were both very angry. When you walked away I demanded to know what the fight was about this time. She said that you two were fighting over me. Is that true?”

 

His question didn’t even come close to taking me by surprise. “What else do she and I fight about William? As long as I have known her, the only thing we have fought about you.” I snapped wondering again where this was leading.

 

He started to fidget where he was sitting as he looked up into my eyes. “You have to understand Ada, this is not easy for me. I never thought I would have this conversation with you. Things never felt right, I guess you might say I never saw this coming.” His words made no sense to me and I was really starting to worry about him as I saw the first tear slip unnoticed from his eye. Something was hurting him and the more he sat there the more it felt like that something was me.

 

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, “William, have I done something to upset you?” I asked leaning forward a bit so that I was closer to him. I watched as the tears continued to slip down his face, my heart breaking. Without thinking my hand lifted and brushed away the wetness from his face. “Can I fix it?”

“You didn’t do anything… nothing is wrong.” His words were a whisper as his eyes searched mine. I saw him shift slightly and felt the urge to reach forward to touch him. It was always hard for me to sit close to him, the need to touch him almost unbearable at times. My eyes traced the lines of his face while I waited for him to continue. “I am just trying to find the words I want. After everything we have been through this conversation is harder than I thought it would be. I guess the best way to do this is to just get right to the point. Ada, you and I have been friends for a long time, we’ve been through a lot together. Even more than that we have always been there for each other. Every time I have it out with Bonnie I know I can come to you and you get me through the pain. It was only today that I learned how much pain that causes you. Why have you never told me that it hurts you to help me?” he asked his own eyes full of pain.

 

It took me a moment to decide how I wanted to answer his question, “Well… I guess the main reason is that I wanted to help you. You mean a lot to me and I hated seeing you in pain.” I told him. I couldn’t help but reach out and place my hand on his shoulder. I watched as a tremor fanned out from where my hand laid, and began to once again wonder what was going on and what it was that he was trying to say to me.

Suddenly there was a smile on his face that was anything but happy. It looked like he was in pain, and that nearly killed me. My fingers lifted from his shoulder and brushed the side of his face, taking a tear away as I started to pull it back. He turned his face into my hand and pressed his lips to the palm of my hand. My heart felt like it stopped for a moment. He had never done anything the least bit romantic towards me and in that moment my heart soared from the pits of hell to the highest mountaintop. My breath caught and I suddenly couldn’t think. Slowly I leaned forward and on a hint of a breath lightly pressed my lips to his. The heat was instant and amazing. What I had intended to be a simple light peck was instantly a full fledged passionate kiss, stealing not only my breath but my mind. I felt his breath catch as the tip of my tongue ran the seam of his lips. No matter what the future of the night held I needed to know. The warmth of his mouth held the hint of warm coffee with a splash of spice. His hands came up and wrapped around me, pulling me from the chair and onto the floor with him, while my hands traced over his back not wanting to break the kiss for fear I would shatter and disappear.

 

Slowly the need for air won out and we pulled back from each other our arms still holding the other close. He collected himself first, “Ada…” my name came on a breath of a sigh only a heartbeat before his lips came to rest against mine again. The passion was still as intense but this time the exploration was key. I felt his tongue trace the curve of my front teeth as it demanded entrance to the heat of my mouth.

My lips parted on a sigh as his hands lifted to pulled the tie holding my heavy hair in its normal ponytail. I could feel his fingers dive into the thick strands trying to pull me ever closer to him. Our tongues mated for a few more moments before I pulled back from the kiss a second time. My heart was racing but I had to know, “Do you?” I couldn’t bring myself to ask the rest of the question. I had wanted both his love and his touch for so long, I was too scared to ask for either.

 

Puling one hand free of my hair, he brushed the side of my face and the smile filed his eyes, “Do I what love?” he asked looking into my eyes, his own still misted with tears. “Do I regret not seeing what you wouldn’t let me see? Yes.” He pressed a light kiss to my lips again, pulling away before it would race to full speed again. “Do you remember the day we met?” he asked tracing his fingers down the side of my face as he tugged me into a more comfortable position.

 

My heart was still racing from the kiss and the need for more, but I forced it to think. “Yes, we slept on the beach that night.” I laughed, “We must have talked for hours that night, before falling asleep.” My own eyes threatened to tear up and knew I was done. He could shatter not only my heart now, but my very world.

There was a laugh as he stood up, reaching his hand out to me as he did. I took it, the heat feeling like a warm comfortable blanket against the fear in my heart. “Ada, that night I wanted something, I think we both did, but things were not meant to be. We needed time and experience to understand that what was there was real. That it could lead somewhere if we let it. The problem was that by the time I realized that I did want it to go somewhere, that I wanted to be with you, we were both with someone else.” He lead me to the couch as he spoke my mind reeling at what he was saying. I wanted it so badly to be true that I was having a hard time believing it. I sat down on the couch as he dropped to the worn leather beside me never letting go of my hand.

 

“William, I really don’t know what to say right now.” I stammered. “You are right, I did want that back then, but…” I saw the pain flash through his eyes for a moment.

 

“Are you saying that you no longer want that. That those feelings are gone now?” he asked his grip on my hand tightening slightly.

 

The play of emotions over his face was rapid and complete, from hope to devastation. I wasn’t sure that I could handle that, but I needed to know if I was being played for a fool on this. It was too important for me to risk everything on a dream I had held so tightly to my heart for so long. “I didn’t say that. I fell in the with you while we laid on the beach grass talking that night.” We were sitting so close that I could still feel the heat from him. All I could think about was getting closer. I looked into his eyes hoping this wasn’t a joke, if it was I wouldn’t live through it. I reached out my hand and touched the side of his face, I could still feel the tears on it. “As happy as I am right now, and as much as I don’t want to break this spell. I have to ask, why are you here William?” I could feel the tears starting to slip down my face and knew that he held more of my heart than any one person had ever held before.

 

He raised his hand to cover mine, “Ada, I came here today because I have had it. I want a chance at something that was almost stolen from me before it ever got started. I will never forget the night that Charles pulled you away from me. If I hadn’t tried to kiss you that night, we would have become lovers. Who knows were that would have lead. I know its been a long time. I also know we have been through a lot of disasters since that night, and with so much having happened this is a massive request, but would you be willing to give it a try?” he asked holding my hand to his face. I could feel the tears pouring down over my fingers as he spoke. I knew at that moment I could deny him nothing.

[Sweetcherrie]

Excellent descriptions. The characters are well described, and you give just enough background information to make the story work.

 

It feels like something grabbed out of the middle of a longer story, but I think it can easily stand alone the way it does as well.

 

Enjoyed reading this, thanks for posting it