Velouria

[Xaious, Master of Time]

It's touching time to kill. It would be a shame if I were to fail this, and forfeit all that which I've held dear these past few years. I guess I should start from the first occasion.

 

It was a typical late-summer day in the south, heavy rain and a bright-shining sun at the same time. If not for the latter, then i never would have gone back into the coalition of small stores called the mall where I met her. She called herself Velouria, and thanked me for some trifle purchase of sustenance with a simple kiss. I should have left it at that, but I went along and we talked a fair bit. There was no further eating out that day, no movie visits or anything of the sort. Casual conversation was the furthest extent of it, but we did exchange numbers.

 

I did not call when I got home, nor did I call for a few days. To be exact, she called me about two weeks later, asking if I was free anytime soon. I agreed to meet her at the same locale two days later in the evening. I had ignition infuriation with my vehicular device, but I arrived on time. She was waiting for me with a couple of friends, one larger young lady and the other looking aged more than she should be. Together the three of us went bar-hopping, and enjoyed our night moderately responsibly. With a little Captain in all of us, we went driving around, followed by aimless wandering and eventually nightswimming before going out seperate ways.

 

A month or so later, the phone greeted me with a velveteen voice unrecognizable, but faintly familiar. Her larger friend was inviting me to go with them on a special errand. That night we did little more than drive around about inside the nearest city, delivering cardboard boxes seemingly to random locales. And that was that.

 

I next heard from her a few weeks later, when she came to my door late one night. I could tell something was wrong, but I knew not what it was, and she refused to tell me. That very next day, she pleaded with me to house her, and I obliged. We moved her into my house with only one car trip, her belongings were so few.

 

Three days later, I awoke to smoke and ran to check on my housemate. She woke quickly and began to cry when she saw what was happening. She had tried to apologize, but my refusal left her speachless as I helped her to exit my abode a la flame. She insisted I not call the authorities, and foolishly I listened. We stole away in my car with no belongings, hit the Automatic Theft Machine up for al of my money, and went as far as we could on a full tank. And then refilled it and repeated a couple of times. We ended up in sunny California, where I yet reside. A few days searching found us a cozy if disgusting little shack, rent free with no power or plumbing.

 

Three more months passed in that house, money slowly dissipating from my hands and our combined weight dropping steadily as raw ramen and water slowly withered away at us. Three months to the date from our arrival, our new shack burned to the ground, nearly taking the two of us with it. We barely missed death and dismemberment, and headed north on foot, as the car was dry on gas and the wallet dry from cash. We managed to get to the northern border of California before anything new turned up.

 

At the state line, there was no small number of sleek black cars, semicircled around us and eventually we were encircled. Before I knew what was going on, no less than thirty young fellows were closing in on us, steadily drawing knives and closing the gap. Regrettably my Velouria was destroyed. They picked her flesh from her bones in a sickening display. handing a cleaned humerus to me, I was given one chance to survive. If I could manage to knock unconscious the gang's leader, then I shall be let free. They have not told me why they were after her, and barely have let me know my sin. I aided her. I aided my Velouria. And there I stood, attempting success. Attempting.

 

That was a few minutes ago. The men have left. Velouria is no longer. And here sit I, remembering the words her last.

"We will wade in the shine of the Ever."

I've been contemplating this for a few minutes now, idly watching my life-blood slipping through my fingers.

My Velouria, I'm sorry. I am unforgiven.

[Patrick]

Quite a mysterious story/start to a story, Xaious. I'm not saying that it needs more written after it, as it can easily stand as a whole as it is, it just got me pondering several different possibilities at the end, and that's a feeling I like to have at the end of a story.

 

A lot of things are left unsaid in the story, but I think it suits the style well. If there will be a continuation to this, I'll be happy to read it, if not then I'm content to say to have enjoyed it.

[Xaious, Master of Time]

As enjoyable as it was, that was and is all there is to be written. I'd like to claim that I wanted to leave a lot of things unsaid, which I kind of did, but it was also done to save myself from not finishing the story...My attention span falters on long runs.

Glad to know you enjoyed it. =)

[Disco-neck Ted]

Hiya. Nice piece of work. I particularly like the way you sketch vivid images with just a few words. So:

 

"...our combined weight dropping steadily as raw ramen and water slowly withered away at us."

 

Awesome (and quite disgusting).

 

On the down side, the narrator appears to be mortally wounded as the story finishes, and without the opening paragraph, I'd conclude that he lost the fight and will die. I'm having trouble reconciling the start with the end, although that could be due to imagination failure on my part. This is particularly sad because the opening sentence is so intriguing.

 

Definitely looking forward to the result if the muse moves you to write more on this.

 

-DnT

[Xaious, Master of Time]

I guess unfortunately, but maybe not, but probly so, the Muse which inspired this one decreed that that was the end.

On the end, it depends on how you look at it. Yes, he is mortally wounded, slowly bleeding to death. Did he fail? Also, depends how you look at it. He gave it his all. The gang has not killed him, but they have not helped him. It is up to you, the reader to decide if he succeeded in knocking out the leader. But he has failed to save Velouria.