yochva Posted July 4, 2006 Report Posted July 4, 2006 (edited) I wrote this on a whim a few months ago inspired by "Lovingly, lovingly Yours" and the attendant tune. I finished it yesterday and today. I'm rather proud of it. Both tune and words are original © me, and I might get around to recording it some time. Really, with this, I'm looking more for responses than anything else. Critique is always welcome, but I want to know your personal feelings about it morethan anything else. / = line-break, new phrase, etc. and whatever. I just didn't want to break up the letter-format. ~~~~~ Dearest Mother, How are you?/ I am fine, so is Ben./ We have settled in quite well,/ the house still is empty but not for long!/ We're thinking of a farm,/ with sheep, horses and cows./ The barn is to be raised/ about some time next week./ Ben sends his love, I send mine,/ Lovingly, lovingly, Yours Dearest Mother, How are you? I am well, so is Ben. Life has gone on since last time; I have a daughter named Carabell! The farm is doing well, the sheep have had their lambs, the horse has had a foal, I think they named it Legs. Ben sends his love, I send mine, Lovingly, lovingly, Yours Mother Darling, How are you? I am well, so is Ben. We have nothing to complain, Carabell's three and one more's on the way! The farm is doing fine, the grain is growing high, our cow has had a calf – the other one had two! Ben sends his love, I send mine, Lovingly, lovingly, Yours Mother Dearest, How are you? I am well as I may. The child was a still born, Carabell's four and, thank G-d, healthy. The farm is running smooth, although the dairy failed, the horses have their foals, the sheep's wool still is white. Ben sends his love, I send mine, Lovingly, lovingly, Yours Darling Mother, How are you? I am sad, sick and grieved, Carabell fell in the stream and drowned before we heard anything. The farm is struggling, the grain was killed by frost, the stallion broke his leg - a gunshot in the night. Ben sends his love, I send mine, Lovingly, lovingly, Yours Dearest Mother, How are you? I am sick and fevered. Ben was taken by the auge, I fear that it must have been contagious. The house feels so empty, when I'm the only one. At least I still have Legs - my only confort now. Ben sends I send my love, Mother dear, Lovingly, lovingly, Yours My dear madam, Brace yourself. I have sad news for you. Your daughter has died of auge, nearly a full year ago to the day. I regret I must say the house has been ransacked. The land's been auctioned off, the money's on its way. I wish you the best in life, May it be longer than hers. ~~~~ Yes, every mark is supposed to be there. The /s are to show where the lines are, but whatever tune you come up with applies to the whole thing. Seeing as how it's a letter, I decided that the author would have written "Ben sends his love" as habit, then remembered and crossed it out, thus the strikethrough. Any questions, comments, criticisms? I look forward to all of it! Oh, and by the way, here - http://rapidshare.de/files/24957075/Letters.wav.html - is the link to my rough recording of it. It's sort of a first draft, I guess, but it'll let you know the tune. ^__~ Edited July 6, 2006 by Evangeline
Wyvern Posted July 6, 2006 Report Posted July 6, 2006 There's definitely a morbid progression in this series of letters, to the point of total devastation... The recording of you reading it is definitely a treat, and I didn't see the melody in this piece until I heard it channeled through your singing voice. :-) I like how you changed the tone of your voice as the letters progressed, and think that listening your sung rendition is essential to fully appreciating the piece. Thanks for sharing. *Wyvern hisses the melody on his way out*
yochva Posted July 6, 2006 Author Report Posted July 6, 2006 Thank you! I"m glad you noticed all of that stuff, it was among a number of things I was aiming for in this piece. And I'm also happy that the recording helped, it's hard for me to not see it and automatically sing it. If it works both as a song and as prose, then I'm happy! Thanks again!
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