In the Basement

[Cyril Darkcloud]

In the Basement

 

The wooden stairs groan

as if my stepping pressed

a world of sorrow

into their grain.

Perhaps it does.

 

It is easy to believe

in such things as

groaning stairs and

sorrow bearing steps

down here where

everything is damp.

 

I hide down here

with my piles of

discarded memories,

yesterday’s outgrown

and out of fashion clothes,

and these neglected

odds and ends that

my rummaging fingers

sort but do not feel.

 

My heart is swollen

just like these old boxes

that are best left

unopened and unmoved,

and my eyes are tired –

tired of looking and

too dry for resting.

 

But there’s a kind of peace

in the touch of dampness,

a peace that numbs one's

senses to everything but

the listless music of rusty

droplets falling off the

sweaty skins of pipes.

[reverie]

Wonderful Cyril. Your metaphore of a basement as a reposistory for the bittersweet memories of depression and despair is dead on.

 

I can taste what sick joy it is to lose ones self in those moments. I can hear the ache of the heart echo'd in the ache of stairs.

 

Bravo.

 

I like the first two stanza's best. Awesome.

 

 

In the line 3 of the second stanza I probably would have substitued "staircases/stairways" for "stairs," inorder to temporarily widen the scope of the poem. But, I don't have your concentrated power of focus, so I might be off on that one.

 

Also "listless" in the last stanza, made me stop and think for a minute.

 

"Listless Music" hmm. Like disinterested music? Like the Rust stems from lack of use or care or wear? And the rust is like those clouded memories that your persona is now considering to the exclusion of everything else. So, I wonder if at the end your speaker is lost in a singular memory against the backdrop of all those other forgotten memories. Because, the singular memorie/moment would be enlarged and thus become interesting the moment you linger on it. Oh it could still be a lament, but it would probably crescendo in a swell of sorrow don't you think. Hmm, but you acknowledge this by speaking about it's numbing power.

 

I'm not really sure where I'm with this, but that's the thoughts the phrase produced in my head.

 

 

 

PUBLISH THIS!

 

rev...

Edited June 19, 2006 by reverie

[Cyril Darkcloud]

rev,

 

Thanks for the kind words. The first two stanzas are my favorites as well. Your suggestion of ‘staircases’ is an interesting one and I’ll need to think about it for a bit. That stanza came together so tightly and so swiftly that I was content to leave it largely untouched in the process of revisions that produced the present version of the piece.

 

As for ‘listless’ I’m glad you found it thought-provoking as it was a very carefully placed word. Your interpretation of a singular memory in the final verse is one that I did not expect, although I can see where the words might invite that train of thought. It is the idea of ‘numbness’ however around which the verse is built.

 

Insightful comments are very much appreciated, and you’ve given me a couple helpful ideas to hold in reserve for a possible revision of the piece. Thanks again.