Forgive Me

[Savage Dragon]

The good word tells me that I should strive to act as the Lamb

The good word tells me that the Lamb loved all mankind

The good word tells me that the Lamb despised the sins of wicked men

And so I strive to love the good within all men and forever maintain sin as my foe

And yet you are surprised…

 

You are surprised that I choose to sing your name with praise when I rejoice in the good that you have so readily surrendered your soul to

 

You are surprised that I choose not to be blind to your vices, but realize them as my own

 

You are surprised that I choose to love you not merely despite your failings, but because of them and your unwillingness to surrender to them

 

You are surprised when I say how greatly I love you

But that is no fault of your own

 

Like all men, that which I desire most is to become that which I am not

 

I am a man of words

I am not a man of action

 

There are many ways I could show you how greatly I love you, but you will never know them

 

Forgive me

[Wyvern]

Interesting poem, Savage Dragon. :-) I found a number of the concepts that you introduced in this piece very thought-provoking, particularly in the lines dealing with the love evoked through the love interest's ability to deal with hardship and imperfection. The biblical references in the first stanza were also a nice touch, and well-incorporated.

 

There were one or two spots where I felt that the poem could be condensed a bit more, particularly in the seventh stanza where the line "I am not a man of action" just seems to repeat the line before it and felt a little blunt to me.

 

Nice work, overall. :-) Thanks for sharing this.

[reverie]

Try this:

 

The good word tells me that the Lamb loved all mankind,

And that I should strive to act as the Lamb

Yet the Lamb despised the sins of the wicked

And so I strive to love the good within all

While sin remains my foe

And yet you are surprised:

 

That I choose to sing your name with praise

When I rejoice in that good you have so readily surrendered to*

 

That I choose not to be blind to your vices, but realize them as my own

 

That I choose to love you not merely despite your failings,

but because of them and your unwillingness to surrender to them

 

You are surprised when I say how greatly I love you

Though (or through), no fault of your own

 

Like all men, that which I desire most is to become that which I am not

 

I am a man of words

I am not a man of action**

There are many ways I could show you how greatly I love you, but you will never know them

 

Forgive me

 

*"Soul" is the most overused and loaded word in english poetry, beware.

**try 'courage' or even 'conviction' because in the case of requited love, 'words' are 'action.'

 

 

Sorry man, I just couldn't resist showing you how it could look trimmed down.

 

rev...