theravingderelict Posted May 18, 2006 Report Share Posted May 18, 2006 Blood flows from my wounds, My body becoming weak, My strength and inspiration comes from, Fighting for your defeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madhatter Posted May 19, 2006 Report Share Posted May 19, 2006 (edited) Not too shabby. I liked it . Just some suggestions. Blood flows from my wounds, My body becoming weak, My strength and inspiration comes from, Fighting for your defeat. I found that to not be grammatically correct, so I thought that Blood flows from my wounds, My body becomes weak, My strength comes from Fighting for your defeat. Would still flow as well. I'm not quite sure how many syllables you were going for for each line. Good luck and keep it up Edited May 19, 2006 by madhatter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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