theravingderelict Posted May 7, 2006 Report Posted May 7, 2006 1 “Did you forget me already?” a voice in the darkness called to her. “Am I nothing but that grey feeling in the back of your mind? The itching of a well faded memory?” There was nothing malicious about this voice; to her it seemed as if the voice was merely asking a question, abrupt but not offensive. “I’m sorry, I must have.” She replied, unsure even where she was, let alone to whom she was speaking to. Taking the time to observe her surroundings he saw that she was outside, the rain falling in subtle drops, not heavy enough to disturb even the spiders web, it was more of a mist than a rain, making everything on the horizon hazy and surreal, while everything up close was covered in dew like moisture that almost glowed in the moonlight. She saw that she was surrounded by rolling hills, soft knolls of amber grass that looked as if infused with diamonds. On top of the hill directly in front of her was an old, tree, completely black as if painted by a maddened artist who was trying to make a point. No leaves complimented the tree, only long skeletal fingers, reaching in any direction, desperate to grab hold of anything that passes close enough. No birds sang sonnets, no bees cluttered the airspace with busy going ons, not even a weta or her partner dared to make home in the many holes and knots plaguing the tortured soul. There were only two things that separated this tree from any other dead skeleton tree. The first was the veins, bright green veins that radiated and pulsed with vitality. These veins carried through them a glowing liquid that could only be described as life fluid, she knew that even a pin prick would be the death of this being. The second thing that struck her was the hole in the centre of the tree, big enough for a child to fit, and very dark. It was not a natural hole either, the bark from the tree had been torn apart and the hole drilled in haste and desperation. She could tell this by the remains of bark and what seemed to be flesh scattered around the tree’s base. “Still with me?” the voice broke the silence, and her thoughts of how absurd this situation was, in its entirety, and it was only now that she realized that the voice came from the hole in the tree. “Yes”2 “Did you forget me already?” I asked her. “Am I nothing but the grey feeling in the back of your mind? The itching of a well faded memory?” She looked around, puzzled but not afraid. Good, I thought. The last thing I want is to scare her away after spending so much of my soul to get her here in the first place. “I’m sorry, I must have” This hurt, but it didn’t matter now. I will have her anyway, this is our time, and no matter how long it takes, now that I have her here, we will understand, and be together again. She, no doubt, was taken aback by where she was, how she got here, and what lay in front of her. I admired her, not like I used to, but this time I actually noticed her. I absorbed her, I let her eyes lose me in ecstasy, and while in that oblivion I caressed her body again, no single inch taboo or secret to me, her back arching when I reached the secrets that only I ever knew. That was an honour, nay a blessing. I was lost in her waist length white hair that saw no crease or stain, her hands on my face, a touch that sewed the holes in my black heart and gave life to the rot that plagued it so. Now I saw that she was paying special attention to the tree (or the being as it were). But she seemed lost in a daze, studying the hole that I had made to occupy and take my position. She seemed transfixed, I had given her long enough to take in where she was and make up her mind about what was going on. But I doubt that she even knows who she is, let alone what is going on at the moment. I decided that enough was enough. “Still with me?” I was trying so hard to sound friendly and inviting, not at all anxious and desperate like I really was. “Yes” she said in a voice that could have killed me with pleasure, a total wave of euphoria. One word and I was complete, and with her affirmation, I knew she was mine.
Wyvern Posted May 7, 2006 Report Posted May 7, 2006 I really like this piece, ravingderelict. :-) The dream-like details and tone of the prose struck me as original, particularly with the description of the tree. There were plenty of surreal images to visualize, and you used some interesting phrasing to bring them to life. I also found the shift from the girl's third person perspective to the tree stalker/demon's first person perspective interesting and well-executed. Out of curiousity, are you planning to write a continuation to this, or will you be leaving the rest of the story up to the reader's imagination? (either way works!) Anyway, a nicely done surreal piece. :-) Welcome to the Pen. P.S: a side-comment- would it bother you to edit the curse in the last line of your signature with a few asterixes? :-) Folks generally try to keep the public boards free of too much cursing.
theravingderelict Posted May 8, 2006 Author Report Posted May 8, 2006 first and foremost i would like to apologize for the curse in my signature, it is just a fill-in until i get a better one, and no offense was intended. Thankyou for your feedback, and i encourage anyone to give me any feedback that they feel is nessecary. And in regards to a sequel, i guess we will just have to wait and see wont we? peace theravingderelict
Patrick Posted May 22, 2006 Report Posted May 22, 2006 Quite an intriguing piece theravingderelict. I must say that I quite liked the way you used all the various images and descriptions, and showing the same scene from two different points of view added another layer to the story. I'm definitely looking forward to read more from you, either as an eventual sequel to this piece, or elsewhere.
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