Savage Dragon Posted May 7, 2006 Report Posted May 7, 2006 The night is young so am i Yet still i fear that i may die If i move too slow or blink an eye because i face evil and i don't know why no one said i must called out my name i chose this path thats brought me no fame i have no powers to help me tame these evil powers but its still the same though i be but man i still will fight against the darkness that haunts the night to steal and kill and hide the light it may not be easy but i know it's right innocents cry do they hear, no though they are many will i fear, no why i fight now i know its who i am i am a hero
Zepheri Posted May 7, 2006 Report Posted May 7, 2006 You are super hero I like this poem, you did really well on the rhyming! I could never do that. But I can see you in a cape ready to save the day!!! It's cute.
Sweetcherrie Posted May 7, 2006 Report Posted May 7, 2006 Once again, glad to have you back and writing I liked this poem; the flow is good and pulls me through to the end, and I *really* like the idea of the simple hero, cause in the end we’re all heroes in our own personal life; holding off whatever darkness there may be for us. There are a few small suggestions I would like to make… First, the use of a small ‘i’. Not sure why you did it here, but in the beginning it felt appropriate, since the person is feeling that he/she has no powers. Towards the end I would however give it a capitalized ‘I’ since here it is clear that that person is the hero. Also, you use the word powers twice to end a line; I think it might be nicer if you would try to find something else for one of them. Lastly, I miss punctuation in the first three stanzas, and then you do use it in the last. I’m never too sure on where and how to use punctuation in poetry, but there are definitely some places where it feels it could use a comma. Anyway, all in all I very much enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing it with us
Recommended Posts