Orc and Pie

[Quincunx]

The six fell heroes have been gathered together by mystic forces beyond comprehension to

 

A prophecy rings out through the land, of six great warriors who will free the people

 

You are sitting one night in a tavern, when

 

You're waiting in line at DaVinci's Experimental Bakery. The store clerk went into the back, and has been gone a long time. Go.

[Quincunx]

Betty Garble

 

She towers between the first and third people in line, and you get the impression you've seen her kind before--no, two impressions. One impression points towards a tailgate party, and the other draws from the canned vegetable aisle. Green + peroxide does not equal blonde.

 

"Four Oh Seven Pee Em and Thirty Seconds!" she exclaims after consulting her watch--hey, that's the voice of the airport PA system. "DaVinci's knows that I come in here after Patina services, seven days a week! Why haven't they restocked the muffins yet?" Betty looks over the head of the first person in line, at the glassed-in countertop and display case.

[Sweetcherrie]

The bell of the door tinkles merrily as Shanai enters the bakery, and a few people look back to see who came in. It makes her cringe; she’s used to do her job behind the scenes, and having people stare at her makes her just slightly nervous.

 

The elf wrinkles her nose as she sees how dirty the floor is, bread crumbs all over the place, and she suppresses the urge to get her broom and sweep. She neatly gets in line, and hopes that this bakery is better than the last, since she really has no time to bake her own bread today, much too much to clean still.

Edited April 23, 2006 by Sweetcherrie

[Quincunx]

OOC: My internet connection is more finicky than a cat on camera. If I disappear for a few more days, don't be alarmed.

 

Betty Garble

 

Betty looks at the bell on the counter for a moment, then turns around and announces to the rest of the line, "It's Four Oh Nine Pee Em and that clerk hasn't come back out yet! Have any of you seen a DaVinci's employee since you arrived?"

[Falcon2001]

Kael brushes a loose hair back into place and smiles broadly. Hopefully I can woo my way to the front of the line. It would be SO unfair for me to wait in line like the rest of these so very unpretty people.

[Wyvern]

Jack of All Trades steps out from the shampoo and cooking conditioner aisle of DaVinci's with a bottle of DaVinci's famous "Mona Lisa Smile" shaving cream tucked under one arm. The deep green of Jack's traditional elven dancing outfit seems to blend with the veggie pie aisle as he passes through it, but he backtracks his steps when he finds a potted vase of Purple Cone Flowers standing between him and the counter. He reemerges from the green-glaze Stoccoto cake aisle, and politely weaves past people in line towards a mailbox set up next to the counter bell. He reaches a hand into the box and pulls out a special "Club" issue of "Ogre Theatrics," then frowns.

 

"The clerks of DaVinci's are missing?" Jack turns to Betty and twists his nose at the similar color of her attire. He stomps a foot on the ground and grabs a Sin-a-Bun on display on the counter, raising it like a Shakespearian skull. "There's treachery afoot, an evil that threatens to ruin the artistic culture of baking. An adventure is at hand! I must change!"

 

Jack drops the Bun and rushes to his parked wardrobe in the crust portrait aisle of the bakery. He shuffles through the hangers within until he comes across a fancy sparkling bard's chainmail. He lets out a triumphant whistle and plucks the outfit from the wardrobe, then rushes past the line again and jumps over the counter, knocking over a container of free Sin-a-Bun samples in the process. Jack turns to the annoyed expressions of the people standing in line and performs a sweeping bow.

 

"I shall return in a few moments to embark on an epic quest, with the goal of saving you many minutes of waiting time. Patience be with you, fair pastry affectionados!"

 

With that, Jack races to the door located behind the counter to change...

[Quincunx]

Jack could have just opened one of the swinging doors, but oh no, he had to fling both of them wide on their hinges, giving you a clear view into the back room. It is a 20' x 20' room, without another visible exit. On three walls, there are shelves of baked goods, and countertops where bagging, slicing and decorating stations are set up.

 

In the center of the room, the bakery clerk lies in a pool of her own blood, motionless. Standing over her is a massive orc in ratty hide armour, still holding a bloody spear. In its other hand, it holds a massive, creamy pie with a huge, mouthwatering cherry on top. It looks at you and bares its fangs.

 

Please post one round (about ten seconds' worth) of actions. Talk is free, although a really long speech might take up all of your alloted time.

[Wyvern]

Jack's eyes dart from the pool of blood, to the distasteful ratty hide armor, to the spear, to the ratty hide armor, to the pie, to the ratty hide armor, to the fangs, to the ratty hide armor. He ducks his head in a brief bow, then steps back out of the room and lets the doors swing shut. He raises his hands to the people standing in line.

 

"Terribly sorry, fellow pie lovers. My quest is postponed until the orc has finished changing in there. Normally, I would ask him to make way, but I'm afraid his outfit situation is rather desperate."

 

Jack clasps his hands together.

 

"Senna, please take pity on this poor soul, and let the bakery clerk's clothes fit his orcish figure..."

[Sweetcherrie]

Her mouth had dropped open when she had seen the mess in the backroom (that floor would take hours of scrubbing), and drops even further open when the man in the green clothes lets the doors swing back shut. Surely they couldn’t leave it with this.

 

Shanai wishes she had her broom on her to feel less naked, but takes a careful step forward. Her voice shakes slightly as she feels all eyes turn towards her.

 

“Sir, don’t you think we should do something?”

[Finnius]

Jimmy, who had previously been ticking off lists off deliveries for the day while waiting in line to hand a stack of coupons to whomever might answer to "occupant" at DaVinci's Artistic Bakery, looks up at the racket and nods in Shanai's general direction.

 

"Here here, young, er..." He pauses, noting the pointy ears and cleaning attire. "Janitor... person..." A quick shake of the head gets the delivery-boy back on track. "S'pose he's the occupant now, anyway..."

 

And with that, Jimmy starts forward, Standard Issue Grin and stack of coupons in hand.

[Quincunx]

For Wyvern: 3d6 (13) + Wisdom (2) + Prayer to Senna (3) = 18

 

just as Jimmy finishes his speech to Shanai. . .

 

The crack between the doors glows with deep blue light, and the doors swing slowly open, framing Jack in a flattering nimbus and revealing the scene once more: the pool of blood has vanished and the bakery clerk's uniform is mended although she is still not moving, and the orc now wears a copy of the uniform tailored to fit his un-clerkish figure. He looks down at himself, then snarls and keeps one door from shutting with an outstretched, clawed hand.

[Quincunx]

Betty Garble

 

Betty screams.

 

"GURGLE! No!" She gawks at his outfit--the cheeky short skirt, the "Try My Buns!" apron. "What would Dad say if he found out??!?!?!"

[Wyvern]

"Well," Jack raises a hand to his chin and looks the orc over, ignoring the angry scowl on its face. "That is an admitted improvement, though as you can tell by the reactions of the fair customers of this bakery, you have much to learn on the subject of proper dress codes."

 

Jack's eyes connect with the orc's bared fangs, and he frowns deeply as it growls. He lifts a hand to his face, then lets it fall to a large pocket of his elven dance outfit.

 

"But it seems, on the subject of etiquette, there is something I must teach you first."

 

Jack's eyes narrow as he carefully wraps his fingers around the object within his pocket. He tightens his grip and steels the position of his arm, letting off a hint of a smile. He then takes a quick step forward and swings outward with the item.

 

3d6 (9) + Dexterity (1) = 10

 

Jack lifts the breath freshener in the direction of the orc's face and clicks on it twice, spraying the freshener in the direction of the orc's mouth.

[Sweetcherrie]

As the orc approaches Shanai looks around for something she could use to defend herself, and then sees an old-fashioned broom in a corner. While Jack tries to do something about the mouth odor of the orc, the elf takes a big leap and bounces over to the broom.

Edited May 1, 2006 by Sweetcherrie

[Finnius]

Jimmy, for his part, is less concerned with what the orc smells like, or whether it might be hostile, as the fact that Betty seems to recognize him. He turns in her general direction, shuffles in his sack-o-mystery for a moment, and emerges with a rolled paper advertising bargain-basement discounts on bulk cookware (only available in Q'x, for a limited time only!)

 

"I take it you know (and are related to) this, er... orc? Well, as next of kin to the only non-dead occupant, I can safely leave these in your keeping... ah, Gurgle, was it? Seems a bit busy at the moment. If you could sign here, here, and initial here?"

 

Jimmy extends a pad, Standard Issue Friendly Helpful Smile firmly in place.

[Quincunx]

Betty Garble

 

Betty sees something out of the corner of her eye that is not her brother in the back of the bakery in clerk's clothing--a form!--a constant, unchangeable, nontransvestite form. She picks a pen out of her pocket and signs here, there, and initials somewhere else.

[Sweetcherrie]

Shanai grabbed the broom, and bounced back towards the orc. She was determined to clean up that mess, and with the broom in her hands she started shooing the orc out of the back room.

 

“Shoo! Go Away, you messmaker!”

 

Concentrating on the mess the orc had made, Shanai did not notice the form in the back.

[Quincunx]

OOC: Cussing out the ISP customer service is a good way to get your internet cut off entirely. . .just f-y-i. I'm writing this from an internet cafe.

 

For Sweetcherrie: 3d6 (15) + Charisma (1) + Shoo Birds Away (or People or Orcs) (3) = 19

 

Shanai's nose twitches. Peppermint?

 

The orc roars, propelling the scent of artificial peppermint all over the bakery. Jack's coiffure melts a bit from the sheer force behind the breath freshener. Shanai freezes with her hand on the broom as the lovely smell of cinnamon rolls is absolutely spoiled by the peppermint smell--

 

--and then shoos with a vengeance. Gurgle growls as the broom's bristles scratch his delicate skin, but backs away from the doorway behind a cloud of swept-up breadcrumbs and powdered sugar. "Shoo! Shoo!"

 

"Thankyamuch, Jimmie, have a nice day," Jimmy says, shuffling the complete form to the back of a clipboard, as Gurgle comes up against the side wall of the bakery with a THUMP! The pie wobbles, and he loses his grip on it. . .

[Savage Dragon]

Stanley, who all this time has been in line and too busy playing MightyPen the Game for Gameboy to notice the commotion, hears the distinctive sounds of a pie flying through the air and immediately jumps into action.

 

actually he jumps into pie, meaning his face makes a quick entry that while impresssively agile has done little for the structure of the pie itself.

 

"whew", he says, "that was close. can't let a good pie go to waste"

 

sadly, the cherry that adorned the pie currently inhabiting Stanley's face is now lost among the crowd and doesn't know where his mother is

[Falcon2001]

ooc: wow, this whole 'university senior project' thing certainly is a good way to spend a week.

 

Kael looked in horror at the Orc. So TERRIBLY ugly! he thought, his mind reeling. Making the arcane sign of protection at the beast, he quickly thought of a way to protect himself.

 

"Spirits of the air, I call on the bond that ties us together. Rebuke what lies within!" he cried, forming a barrier around the orc.

 

Superb Abjuration (+3), making a barrier of sorts around it.

[Sweetcherrie]

For about one second Shanai is surprised that the shooing actually worked and then she leaps over to the body on the floor to see who it is, and if she can actually still help this person....or if nothing else, clean up the mess.

[Quincunx]

For Falcon: 3d6 (12) + Wisdom (-1) + Abjuration (3) = 14

 

Stanley lunges through the bakery, intent on intercepting pie. However DM fiat, in the form of Betty sticking her foot in Stanley's path (nobody tackles her kid brother!), sends him on a slightly different path. . .straight towards the glassed-in display case.

 

CRASH

 

Glass shards and pie fly Gurgle-wards. He cowers, and looks surprised when the frosting and glass seems to freeze in midair. Outside, the people in line see the barrier of force drop down like a curtain, shielding Senna's faithful from having to continue looking at the orc. Shanai stares for a moment at this new cleaning technology, then goes into the back and gently shakes the bakery clerk awake.

 

Gurgle's hand pokes out from the barrier of force, holding the pie. "Uh. . .Gurgle Garble thinks that pie is not worth chasing any more. Take Gurgle's pie," he says.

 

Congratulations! You have finished Orc and Pie.

Thanks for getting into the spirit of this, and have a nice week!

 

See the OOC thread for the follow-up.