Regel Posted March 27, 2006 Report Posted March 27, 2006 Lost in thoughts of destination After clearing away the food Coffee mixed with resignation Reticent was his mood Intense stare etched in stone Moment I'll remember Among us yet alone.
Wyvern Posted March 28, 2006 Report Posted March 28, 2006 Very good poem, Regel. :-) I really like how condensed and succinct it is, and think that it drives across the thought and emotion of its moment in time very well. I thought the closing line was particularly well-chosen, as it summed up the emotion of the poem in a powerful manner and seemed to echo through its rhyme scheme with "stone." The second and fourth lines of the poem were not as strong to me, as I found the clearing of the food somewhat irrelevent while the "Reticent mood" felt like telling on behalf of the narrator. You might consider offering some specific instance of the man's discreet state in its place, though I wouldn't recommend dropping the lines altogether as the poem reads very smoothly with seven lines. One thing that I really like about your poetry in general is that it always strikes me as very personal, with a strong emotional base. This poem is no exception. Well done, once again. :-)
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