Who am I?

[Tattered]

I submit to my defeat.

When it comes to you and me.

I've tried and tried,

yet I just cannot compete.

 

Tourment lies in the thought of you

and her and her and her.

I want to crawl under a rock and hide.

If only we could be like that too.

 

Passionless, how can this be,

when our love is strong?

Yet half of me is empty, longing.

Heaven why must you punish me?

 

In dark quite corners of my mind.

Something is sturring,

fantasy begins to die.

Is this a return Aura of some kind?

 

What have I done to desreve this lot?

I suddenly remember the signs

I ignored.

The importance of listening, I forgot.

 

I have no inspiration.

I'm under so mcuh pressure,

I have no relief.

Extacy expiration.

 

Did I do something wrong?

Nothing is quite right.

I feel so sad, ashamed, and worthless.

I've been a fool all along.

Edited April 4, 2006 by Tattered

[Tattered]

Why do I feel this way without fail?

Why cannot redemption prevail?

What is my defect, my mortal weakness too strong.

I wish I were perfect, yet at every turn I'm wrong.

 

What are these powers that would keep me chained?

All of the hours of each day I live in vain.

Nothing and no one can free from the cold.

All of the avenues for healing growing old.

 

It's something inside of me that begs defeat.

This awful part of me that won't retreat.

I try to ruin you and destroy us, push you away.

So the pain won't hurt so much when you can't stay.

 

I will just tell myself it's better this way.

I will just convince myself I never loved you anyway.

These demons inside of me won't let me be.

The child within my soul longs to be set free.

[Ayshela]

one reason i always look for your posts - you put so much of your heart in your words i can't *not* feel what you write.

 

*rueful smile* "So the pain won't hurt so much when you can't stay." - i know this one all too well.

 

*hugs* always glad to see you here again, even as i wish for better for you.