Guest Phoenix Posted March 13, 2006 Report Posted March 13, 2006 Agua De Bebe Here is water for my soul to drink given to me from an unknowing cup it flows through the pores of my heart bleeds like honey into my parched tongue a rolling wave that lifts me past this moment, above all care i feed it as it feeds through me and open my replenished mouth to sing shout, release this energy to fill others as it has filled me once more with life I open myself to the flood as the wellspring which is my soul quickens again born from a conversation about capoeira not wonderfully polished, but very heartfelt any ideas on polishing? obrigada Gama.. xx Phoenix
Wyvern Posted March 17, 2006 Report Posted March 17, 2006 Nice poem, Pheonix. :-) It definitely has a Romantic feel to it, with the replenishment of the soul that the water brings to the narrator. I really like the feeling of upliftment that the narrator of the poem experiences, and also find the notion of the water coming from an "unknowing cup" intriguing. I wasn't as big a fan of the image of the honey on the tongue since it struck me as a more typical Romantic image, though the wording of "bleeds" did add an interesting element to the line. This poem has a certain positive energy to it that I appreciate. Thanks for sharing it.
Tanuchan Posted March 17, 2006 Report Posted March 17, 2006 Nice work, Phoenix! The poem does remind me of some elements that are frequent in the region where capoeira is common, and it's easy for me to associate both (the poem and capoeira, I mean). As a side note, I suppose you meant as title "Água de Beber" - which is a nicely poetic title because it really fits the overall reading. (beber=to drink; bebe=3rd person singular of present tense of verb 'beber', and doesn't make sense in the title context ). Thanks for sharing!
Guest Phoenix Posted March 18, 2006 Report Posted March 18, 2006 hehe.. obrigada Tanny! i wasn't sure, but i didn't have a chance to check before i posted... any chance to change it? portuguese classes started again last week... i'll get there and thanks for the comments actually i was thinking about asking you to maybe help me translate it into portuguese... the friend who inspired it is Brazilian, and i'd like to be able to give it to him in a form he's sure to understand his english is better than my portuguese, but not quite up to poetry.. pm me if you're interested? thanks Phoenix xx
Guest Phoenix Posted June 11, 2006 Report Posted June 11, 2006 well, here it is... many thanks for Tanny & Olivia for helping with the translation Água de Beber Achei água de beber para minha alma. de uma fonte desconhecida que flui, flui pelos poros de meu coração à procura da secura do meu paladar. uma contínua onda que me eleva me leva para esse despreocupado momento. eu a alimento assim como ela se alimenta de mim, faz a minha boca abrir pra cantar Grita! e solta o axé para energizar os outros assim como me encheu de vida mais uma vez. o ritmo toma conta de mim. eu vôo livremente. me abrindo pra tudo. minha alma é como a nascente de um rio florescendo novamente.
hoyskolt Posted July 11, 2006 Report Posted July 11, 2006 Hello again, I'm a bit reluctant to say too much about this one since it has already been translated and all... though I wanted to say ..Something ..since I know one of those translators ..(Olivia is the one that asked me to check out your poetry so you can blame her for my ranting at you) I don't really have much to say anyways..this is a very concentrated and condensed poem it seems .. I have not trained any Capoeira I have done quite a bit of Kung fu and other martial arts and I know enough Capoeira fighters to appreciate its fluent - dancelike grace. The intensity of the idea I think is well expressed by the line : bleeds like honey into my parched tongue I just love this image ..some tiny suggestions of change : Agua De Beber Here is water for my soul to drink given to me from an unknowing cup; ('to me seems unecessary here as you said 'my' soul in the first line) it flows through the pores of my heart, bleeds like honey into my parched tongue, a rolling wave that lifts me past this moment, above all care i feed it as it feeds through me and open my replenished mouth to sing shout, release this energy to fill others as it has filled me once more with life I open myself to the flood as the wellspring which is my soul quickens again ..thanks for this beautiful poem .. kind regards, Christian
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