Gwaihir Posted March 8, 2006 Report Posted March 8, 2006 Just to say: These are so wonderful to read. I can't really manage a haiku that his soley about the weather myself but I really enjoying these instead.
Regel Posted March 9, 2006 Report Posted March 9, 2006 (edited) The sky is burning While leaves whisper up above and birds softly sing Edited March 9, 2006 by Regel
Solivagus Posted March 10, 2006 Report Posted March 10, 2006 Snow and ice have passed, Bare trees groan with deep relief, Spring warms ancient bones.
Patrick Posted March 14, 2006 Report Posted March 14, 2006 Here go a few tries at these. 1. sun setting over trees - blood of the deer taints the snow wolf silently feasts 2. birds happily sing their joy throughout the valley - spring is here at last
WrenWind Posted March 17, 2006 Report Posted March 17, 2006 May flowers blooming Heady scent anounces spring Warm rain on my face
yochva Posted March 17, 2006 Report Posted March 17, 2006 (edited) Life, my love, my joy - A fresh start to all my cares - Makes each day anew. ~~~~ Might add another and/or replace it. Edited March 17, 2006 by Evangeline
cryptomancer Posted March 26, 2006 Report Posted March 26, 2006 (edited) Watches weather map Depression getting closer I want a cyclone Edited March 26, 2006 by cryptomancer
cryptomancer Posted March 26, 2006 Report Posted March 26, 2006 (edited) Drifting shifting mist Droplets of the early day Clarity creeps in ……… Hilltop vantage point Scattered showers today Racing each other ……… Cover camera Sit under the umbrella Rain disrupting shot ……… Parking out of rain Just opening the car door Water drips down neck ……… Edited March 26, 2006 by cryptomancer
cryptomancer Posted March 26, 2006 Report Posted March 26, 2006 (A rainy weekend over there, cryp? ) (We got a small low causing rain warnings over the top of the island. *grins*)
Mynx Posted March 26, 2006 Report Posted March 26, 2006 And continuing Crypt's thread... Begging with the gods Please no rain for her wedding Rain today instead
Akallabeth Posted March 26, 2006 Report Posted March 26, 2006 *Blows a fanfare on a kazoo* Here's a little concoction that was inspired by events earlier today. Note: Wheat is a grass, so when it is young, it is green. ----------------------------------- Blowing green wheat waves A running dog follows paths Searching for rabbits
yochva Posted March 27, 2006 Report Posted March 27, 2006 Events today... Spring - a time of warmth. Right? Wrong. Not always warmth, But also of chill...
Sweetcherrie Posted April 1, 2006 Author Report Posted April 1, 2006 The Challenge is closed as of this post You can still post haiku, but we won't be taking those into account anymore when we chose the best ones Thank you all for posting such amazing poetry, you guys are all fantastic *jumps over messages to pm the other people that would give feedback*
Tanuchan Posted April 1, 2006 Report Posted April 1, 2006 (edited) Note: As far as I understood, each of us would choose a best one - with an overall winner being chosen among those. So, here follows my opinion... ~~~~~~~~~ First of all, I would like to congratulate all who participated in this challenge. You made it really hard for me to make a choice, and that means that what you all wrote was really good. My criteria for choosing the best haiku was based on three points: structure (5-7-5 syllables); imagery; and simplicity. For me, a good haiku evokes a powerful image in spite of, and because of, their simplicity - an easy visualization of the scene that caught the poet's eye. That said, I would like to add some short comments on the haikus that made to my final list before I come to the one I chose as the best one... Blowing green wheat waves A running dog follows paths Searching for rabbits ~by Akallabeth I really liked the image it brought me - I could easily see the grassy field, the dog running and looking for rabbits. I only had trouble with the first line, since it still makes me stumble in the reading and wonder for a second if I understood its meaning. I think the possible trouble is the sequence, being that "wave" can have two meanings at first sight ('waves', like sea waves, and 'to wave'). A nice entry, Akallabeth - specially considering that you haven't written any haiku for so long, and I don't remember having seen any poem posted by you before this one. Nature's crystal ball A dew drop shimmers brightly Sunny prophecy ~by Azuran This one brings to my mind a fractured image, but one that has beauty in itself. The ideas are all there, subtly hinted at - the images come and go in a blink, while reading and re-reading the haiku. I feel it strongly poetic, though I cannot hold a still image of the dewdrop. And that is at the same time the beauty and the problem... it contains a lot, and the final image is hazy. A beautiful entry, Azuran - you have a real gift with words and poetry, whether in poem form or disguised as prose/roleplay. I hope you keep sharing them with us. I'd like to make an extra comment here... Azuran's "dorky computer graphics themed one" flows really well. It's not a valid entry, however it makes me almost understand what it refers to. A very interesting one, and one I wish was valid - and explained so I could really visualize it adequately! Sun pops into view Fragment shader adding bloom High dynamic range ~by Azuran The sky is burning While leaves whisper up above and birds softly sing ~by Regel A really good one, Regel... for a long time it was a tie between you and the one I ended up chosing, actually. I can easily understand the image - the burning sky at dawn - and, more than see, hear the leaves and the birds. It's simple, beautiful, and flows really well. My only quibble with it was the "understanding" of the image... I understand first the use of "burning sky" and only then feel/see it. So, an image that comes with a bit of stumbling. It's not a big problem per se... though at the end, it tipped the scales in favor of the one below. But congratulations on a really smooth haiku, and one that I really liked. The one that I chose as the best touched me exactly due to simplicity. For me, it embodies the spirit of the haiku - a light and otherwise common scene framed by the poet's personal view and interpretation, making it shine in our eyes. Through bright summer night among trees silent and tall the brook babbles on ~by Nimornril And the simplicity of the poem asks for simplicity in the feedback - so, congratulations, Nimornril! I hope that you can share with us more of your ideas and views, be it through poetry or prose, or even just by being around and participating when you feel like doing so. Again, congratulations to all who have posted their haikus. They're small jewels, and not a few made me truly smile at the images they brought. Edit: formatting, typos Edited April 1, 2006 by Tanuchan
Finnius Posted April 1, 2006 Report Posted April 1, 2006 (edited) Wow, what a turnout... I've been watching these as they came out, and I gotta say, it' been quite the good fortune to be judging this contest. While it would be impossible to comment on everything I liked about all of these, I will take a few moments to comment on a few of the ones I liked best. Just so you know, my criteria runs along similar lines as Tanny's; structure is important (because without it you've just got a weird, free form poem ), and in my understanding, the very soul of a haiku is to take one simple, seemingly mundane idea or image and show the deeper beauty behind it. I'm not very good at that myself, but we had no end of contestants who were *very* good at it. In no particular order - Rain falling like tears a weeping veil of gray that covers the world. -Zool This one was an early favorite, and likely would have been my pick *but* it was one syllable short in the second line. I still wanted to note it, though, as aside from the slightly broken structure, it is exactly what a good haiku should be - evocative. Sun pops into view Fragment shader adding bloom High dynamic range -Azuran Sometimes the silly, dorky, computer graphic-themed haikus are the ones that surprise you. If only it had been eligible... Blowing green wheat waves A running dog follows paths Searching for rabbits -Akallaballaballaballa Another one that just barely slipped under the mark, the problem for me wasn't the beginning (I liked the fact that waves can be read two ways ), but with the end... after such a lovely set up, it drops off into trying to send too many images. If you'd focused on the one image, (the sea of wheat or waving wheat, whichever), or even stuck to two, it would have been much more powerful. As is, it's a good, solid entry, but without the simplicity necessary to convey a strong image in such a short space. Still, really really good. *** Ok, when I finally narrowed it down I had two haikus that stood side by side, and not until late last night could I pick one over the other. The runner up - Through bright summer night among trees silent and tall the brook babbles on -Nimornril I really liked this one, and it exemplifies everything a good haiku should be. The image of a quiet forest stream in the middle of a cloudless summer night is clear and appears with no problem at all. No action is needed to keep the mind on this image, the stream itself is the focus even though it appears in the larger context of a forest, and one could even argue, of the entire night sky. Peaceful and elegant, I really can't say anything is lacking in this haiku, and it was very difficult to seperate it from what eventually became my top pick. The sky is burning While leaves whisper up above and birds softly sing -Regel Sometimes life gives you little gems, and this is one of them. Where Nim's haiku was subtle and worked itself into your mind, this one gives you a sense of granduer right from the first line. The image of the sky on fire, leaves that whisper from on high as if they're talking among themselves, and birds that choral the morning in is one that not only stays in your mind, but takes something that happens every single day (sunrise) and briefly transforms it into something entirely different, almost a religious experience. And that is where I finally had to seperate them - it's nothing against Nim's haiku (if only I had two slots!), but the brief flash of something larger behind common occurence in Regel's puts it just that tiny bit ahead. Good job to everyone who entered, and thank you all for sharing. Edited April 1, 2006 by Finnius
Sweetcherrie Posted April 7, 2006 Author Report Posted April 7, 2006 Sorry for the wait. Time is spread weirdly around me it seems… Like Finnius and Tanny I let my feelings guide me. I am convinced that poetry that touches you is worth more than something that is technically brilliant but does nothing with you *touches her heart* in there… birds happily sing their joy throughout the valley - spring is here at last How can you say poetry is not your strong side when you produce such gems? Maybe you should develop this side a bit further Blowing green wheat waves A running dog follows paths Searching for rabbits I agree with the Tanny and Finnius that this one calls a strong image to mind, and it’s a warm, and peaceful image as well, one to dream away with, still it’s mainly the image of the dog that comes to mind for me, and I would’ve liked to see more emphasis on nature. Still, really nice and that’s why I wanted to mention it. May flowers blooming Heady scent anounces spring Warm rain on my face I can see her standing there with her face lifted up in the rain to receive the warm drops, smile playing around her mouth. A sensual image almost, but filled with joy about the new start of spring. Sun and knifelike wind ice sparkling like broken glass cracking like dry skin My favourite. I can feel the wind cutting through the watery sun when I read this. Maybe it has a bit to do with where I live? Anyway, this one is my favourite out of those that have been posted here. I would like to compliment all that have posted their haiku here, they’re all good, and choosing some to comment on was absolutely not easy. Thank you all
Aardvark Posted April 7, 2006 Report Posted April 7, 2006 Two little bunnies Unchecked, free replication Crumbled, hollow earth Bass to cod to shark Hunter snared in a driftnet We're the biggest fish? Swims the stream of life The cell consuming killers Bring the giants down Fauna causes death Even atom destruction Is just nature's way
Gwaihir Posted April 7, 2006 Report Posted April 7, 2006 My apologies for the tardiness of my post. At least this is faster than our last contest I guess. These were some awesome haikus and one loved reading them. Liked others I was looking for a tight concept that had a lot of meaning. I liked it when I could really picture the scene and a haiku got bonus points from me if it was relevant but said something about the season that wasn't always said. There were so many good ones and for the record, I have particularly avoided reading the favorites of other judges so if there are similarities or differences they are innate. But enough talk so in no particular order, my favorites Winter Lake by Tanuchan Blanketed in snow time caught in silvery frame - reflection of life. I know this one wasn't competing the contest but I think it's worthy of note anyway. It's a wonderful haiku and that last line adds a lot of depth. It really made me think. In what ways besides the physical is a lake a reflection of life? etc. By Alkabeth Blowing green wheat waves A running dog follows paths Searching for rabbits This feels a bit like two images to me (the dog and the wheat field) but both are very nice. Maybe I'm a midwesterner but I could really picture this. I thank you for it. By Zool Whirling sand dances tossing grit in clothes and hair. Dust devil at play. Perhaps it was t he reference to play at the end but this whole haiku felt quite light spirited to me. I think this could be a little more concise but it's well worth the read. by Tanuchan Wind blowing gently leaves swirling in random dance - colored life pattern. I think I love your style of haikus, Tannuchan. I tried to only pick one of yours as favorites since you're a judge but these were both far too good to leave out. The picture of colored leaves swirling in the wind would be beautiful as it is but that last line adds immensely. Probably I prefer this to your other one quoted here because here I understand the comparison more. You seem to be breaking out and not just describing an impressive scene but you're comparing it to life and telling me why I should care. It works; I do! For a runner up I wish to pick a very nice haiku even though the author clearly has the Wrong view of a rainstorm. By Zool Rain falling like tears a weeping veil of gray that covers the world. Oh yes. Oh yes. Oh yes! Perhaps I somewhat object that rain is not nearly as depressing as all that but this is a unified adn very persuasive haiku. It also seems to have a more natural sentence structure than haikus tend to have. And my favorite: By Azuran Watery thunder Sending foamy sea skyward Waves dance on the rocks Watery thunder is a poetic concept and very different from the image of waves dancing. Yet, both are accurate and often both can be seen at the same time. I'm not sure the second line adds as much as the first and third but this is a very good haiku, in my opinion. This haiku didn't seem completely unified but I think that was right--waves never seem unified either and often the wave is coming in one place and going out in another. All: These were so much fun to read and I am really glad we did this. I didn't expect these to be nearly so wonderful but they're amazing and when put together they're an awesome picture of the seasons and nature.
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