_fourth quarter letter_

[Tavarilyn]

So I was reading reverie's "thought of the day" and, while I can't claim that it inspired me to -write- the poem below, I was inspired to post after reading Katzaniel's reply (see: http://www.patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?showtopic=14259). This is a poem I wrote about two years ago and it seemed strangely fitting. This is a first draft, it's never gone through any revisions... but I teach high school and I have students that -do- talk like this and I find it scarily appalling. I don't know what sort of feedback to expect, but I am curious about reactions to it.

 

 

 

_fourth quarter letter_

 

I hate the word 'stressed',

so, like,

obnoxious in how obsessed

they all are, like

you know?

 

Dude, I just feel,

really, like,

it's so fake, um, not real

and i'm BORED, like

you know?

 

First, she says i'm highbrow,

but, like,

I've plucked two times now

and OHMIGOD, like

you know?

 

So a counselor saved me

from, like,

doing shit in P.E.

which was cool, like

you know?

 

But the bitch doesn't care,

f*ckin', like,

I'm that queen in Solitaire

she can't find, like

you know?

 

And she'll call my mom,

-sigh-, like,

so I'm grounded for prom

which SUCKS, like

you know?

 

TTYL, gotta run, BFF,

KIT, like,

I'll be frenchin' Jeff

if you need me, like...

you know?

[Wyvern]

An interesting poem, Tavarilyn. :-) I really like how it plays with modern language, and definitely think that it drives across the annoying tone and eventual disruption of meaning that slang can cause. I liked how the stanzas maintained a fragmented structure and rhythm, as I thought they reflected the manner of speech well. I wasn't entirely satisfied by the ending of the poem the first time I read it, but after several reads I think the use of elipses and more obscure abbreviations in the stanza bring the poem to a meaningful close.

 

Message sent. ;-) Nicely done.

[Mira]

You used the word "like" a lot, which I know was planned, but it still got on my nerves a little . Once I got over that I really enjoyed the poem.

[Sweetcherrie]

*giggle*

 

hard to imagine there are actually people that speak like that all the time....they must surely get tired of themselves

 

Nice one