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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

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Posted

The circular lights that spot the walls of the Cabaret Room light up in a flare of tasteless neon colors, flashing on and off in tiny flickers. The collage causes spectators to squint and cringe, and induces epilleptic seizures at three goblin colonies when their "Oldie News" channels decide to broadcast it at a local mud-flinging festival. Wyvern sits at a tall platform in the far corner of the room, wearing fluffy white gloves with visible scratches, a cheesy suit spotted with eight different varieties of money bag pictures, swirly hypnotic eyeglasses, and an enormous Almost Dragonic Brand Mandatory Gameshow Host Announcer Moose Hair Moustach.™ He slams his claws onto the top of his podium and lets out a rehearsed laugh, only to freeze with his smile as he finds that his claws have become embedded in the woodwork. The lizard continues forcing his gameshow smile as he tugs at the top of the stand, and eventually manages to tear the upper layer of wood off without dislodging his claws.

 

"All part of the program folksss, ha-ha-HAAAA!" Wyvern raises his claws to his face in the hopes of spinning the lens' of his "freaky-cool" eyeglasses, and slams his snout with the slab of wood in the process. He curses in a happy gameshow announcer voice, then tries to strike a "wood slab up" to the crowds, hoping to indicate control. "Welcome to Wheel of Promot(ion)ability- combining advertising and Pen promotions since... this current day and time!"

 

Wyvern waves the wood slab towards a large monster truck wheel the rests adjacent to his stand. Greedy the Elder Dwarf poses next to the wheel in an outfit that looks like it may have been intended for Shiny, causing several audience members to faint from sheer nausea.

 

"Ha-ha-HAAAA! What a wonderful crowd we have this evening." Wyvern pokes his tongue between his teeth upon noticing several angered goblins amongst the spectators, each of them holding what appears to be a glob of mud. "Let'sss call up our contestants of the evening:

 

From Initiate, moving up to Page...

 

Broken_Inside!

Caralyn!

Petey!

 

From Page, moving up to Quillbearer...

 

Akallabeth!

Lord Panther!

ha-ha-HAAAA!

 

The five promoted pennites glance towards one another in confusion as they hear the sixth name, wondering how they could have missed all of ha-ha-HAAAA's posting activities and contributions to the Pen. They wander up to the stage to a roar of applause and tossing of mud. As they collectively bow to the Pen, Greedy does an enthusiastic dress twirl and slips, bumping the monster truck wheel with his tail. Wyvern's moustach goes crooked at the sight of the giant wheel rolling in his direction. He holds up the wood slab like the pathetic excuse for a shield that it is.

 

"ha-ha-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

 

;-)

 

OOC: Congratulations, all. :) Sorry for the month delay in posting these.

Posted

A little awestruck and surprised, Panther makes his way up to the stage, dodging the flying mud. He looks over the gathered pennites, with eyes of wonderment. After bowing deeply to those gathered, he quietly clears his throat to speak.

 

"Thank you everyone for this honour. I look forward to working with more of you in the future."

 

Panther steps back and looks over the crowd once more, before making his way over to the rather tread upon elder to help him from under his oversized doughnut.

Posted

*a floored Akallabeth steps up and clears his throat*

 

"Uhhh. . . wow. . . thanks. . . uhh"

 

*in a zombie-like state, he staggers away, clearly in a state of great suprise*

 

(Thank you for this title, I just can't really say how pleased/shocked/happy I was to see this. . .)

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