The Big Pointy One Posted November 23, 2005 Report Posted November 23, 2005 Hey Tam, just wanted to comment... good work so far. I like how your stories seem to have such complex intrecacies in many different areas. This one is a little bit different, as it seems to really focus on the character aspect. Perhaps if you keep up the good work, you could show chumps like myself what character development really is? (alright, I don't think anyone else is a chump, just me ) Anyways, I noticed the odd little typo/grammatical error, but those looked like the ones a person makes when typing really fast or possibly tired. Again, I love the more personal approach to the story so far, keep up the awesome work.
Tamaranis Posted November 24, 2005 Report Posted November 24, 2005 I really couldn't tell you how much that's deliberate and how much it's just how I felt like writing. ...but that comment may end up being very helpful to me.
Wyvern Posted November 24, 2005 Report Posted November 24, 2005 First of all: it's great to see you writing again, Tamaranis! I think that your story is very nice so far, and I like some of the interesting relations you've established between the characters. The jealousy that Taelth experiences in relation to Almok's skill and few years of experience struck me as particularly interesting, as did Almok's thoughts of knowing Meeri better than she knows herself. Your references to the "seeg" profession and the "man with the stick" also have me intrigued, and I look forward to seeing how the story developes. One thing that I'd like to see in future posts that might strengthen the story a bit is some interactions between the characters outside the context of violence and battle. As Stick mentioned, the characters seem quite complex and interesting, but if we only know them for their shared professions and bloodlust it might be difficult for the reader to sympathize and relate to them. You've already offered some insight into their thoughts outside of the battle context, so it's just a matter of showing that they're not defined by their jobs... Perhaps a scene of them just having fun, or attending a cultural event of some sort at the city? Once again, nice stuff so far. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Tamaranis Posted January 15, 2006 Report Posted January 15, 2006 Well, I've tried to take Wyvern's advice, literally, and show a celebration. Now for some reason, I feel a need to share my thought process and defend the post here. One thing I tried to show is that the elves are not in perfect harmony with nature, sure they live in a happy communist paradise, but they invested a great deal of magic and effort in refuting it. Also, I didn't completely escape the context of violence. But in the defence of a "sword dance," from the viewpoints of the characters it was just a matter of playing with swords, and had nothing to do with fighting. I also mention that Meeri's "fire dance" might have been adapted from something originally intended for less peaceful purposes. But she's a slightly darker character. And Almok could have been wrong about that anyway. Other than that... It might have been too early to include this event. There haven't been many characters introduced so far, and nothing really dark has happened for this brighter scene to be contrasted against. But at the same time, I didn't think I could really just pop this celebration out of nowhere at a later point. It would beg the question "Why haven't we seen this before now?" if I did.
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