Lost_In_Himself Posted November 18, 2005 Report Posted November 18, 2005 (edited) My first song I've shown people. Always been too ashamed of my writing to show anyone other than my teachers, so be nice Still In Sight (Look At Me) Verse 1 Seeing you with my lips and not seeing with my eyes. Just wanting to look at you, gaze into you tonight. To look into your sapphire lips and say with no surprise, That the way I see and read your song feels usual, feels right. Verse 2 Dancing to the sound of her blinking, copying on time, Hating the delay of darkness hiding out what is mine. Waiting for her to say with eyes I'm breathing to her rhyme. Split-second divorces from her vision all the (God damn) time. Chorus And every start of a goodbye, I miss you. Trying to stay awake with you all night. Every blinking of an eye, I'll try to kiss you, Just to know the girl I love's still in sight. Verse 3 And I'm standing here on the ceiling feeling Inside out and upside down, Pouring in my heart to everyone I'm seeing who's around, All listening to every word, all with alluding frowns, Separated from the centred girl, her feet not on my ground. Verse 4 Looking down at her from above, linked from eye to eye. Feeling different from everyone else but feeling so alive. To kiss you feels like Heaven, but I fear my lips are dry. Seeing all else but you in a darker, grayer light. Chorus And every start of a goodbye, I miss you. Trying to stay awake with you all night. Every blinking of an eye, I'll try to kiss you, Just to know the girl I love's still in sight. Chorus And every start of a goodbye, I miss you. Trying to stay awake with you all night. Every blinking of an eye, I'll try to kiss you, Just to know the girl I love's still in sight. Outro Look at me, look at me tonight. Look at me, look at me tonight. Look at me, look at me tonight. Look at me, look at me tonight… Edited November 18, 2005 by Lost_In_Himself
Beautiful Nightmare Posted November 18, 2005 Report Posted November 18, 2005 (edited) Hi!!! Welcome to the Mighty Pen honey! This is amazing! You really have some talent and I'm so happy you decided to share it with us! I love the first verse and the line "To look into your sapphire lips and say with no surprise," I had to read over it like twice cause i was like sapphire lips, huh? Now i get the whole swaping her lips for her eyes thing and i think its amazing! I love the chorus too i know ive felt that way alot and it sucks If you get some music to it you should let us hear because it has the potential to be an awesome song! I hope we see more of your writting because were always looking for new talent And you certainly have talent! *hugs* Edited November 18, 2005 by Beautiful Nightmare
Sweetcherrie Posted November 18, 2005 Report Posted November 18, 2005 Heya Well, for nice people you came to the right place and I will also attempt reading this...once my brain has calmed down from writing my rather bouncy character Sweet....couldn't get my brain to focus on something even if they would pay me to Anyways, *hugs* and welcome to the Pen
drummondo Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 This is pretty good as far as songwriting goes. Don't be ashamed of writing, it's all perception anyway. Do you have music for it? If you do, I want to hear it. If you don't, I want to help >: )
Mira Posted November 22, 2005 Report Posted November 22, 2005 Good stuff. I look forward to reading more in the future.
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