Here

[Finnius]

I'm lost in mind, in space, in time,

In front of the mirror, or alone in the night,

Or maybe I'm lost, just floating away,

From myself and the world, and the night and the day.

 

And if I am lost, I'm glad that I'm lost,

I'm glad I'm away from myself and my name,

From my ego and id, from the things that would bid,

Me to do what I want, keep a pot 'neath my lid.

 

And speaking of lids, those are also called caps,

Or tops, or coverings, on roofs it's called thatch,

It's the same either way, just a way to contain,

All the naming and talking, pent up in the brain.

 

From the top of my head, to the sole of my heart,

To the soul of my feet, (cause hey, that's where it starts,

With the walking and thinking, too much time alone.)

But when I'm with people, I'm never at home.

 

Home's where the heart is, that's what they say,

But what if my heart is just too far away?

What if it flies, like a butterfly's wings,

And brings hurricanes and tornados and things?

 

A shrill gust of wind, or a sharp breathy scream,

Or a smile and a sigh, or a wonderful dream,

It's all really the same, in the land that is me,

Cause sometimes these days,

I don't recognize my own reflection.

[Regel]

There is a certain whimsy to this that I quite enjoyed Finnius. In this focused, organized, goal oriented society it is a wonder if we don't become lost. Your story spoke to me about small mental holidays I call day dreams. The time we take to step back and give the more creative part of our mind a chance to breathe. It was an interesting bit of navel gazing, I think.

[Mira]

I can totally relate to the overall feeling of the poem. The feeling of being lost and loving it is one I cherish.

[Katzaniel]

Cool. Very creative, I love the flow from 2 to 3 and from 4 to 5. I also greatly enjoyed the sentence "A shrill gust of wind, or a sharp breathy scream", though I can't say why.

 

One thing I found distracting was the switch of "sole" and "soul". It's like that deliberate mispelling of "morning" in my own poem that you told me I should remove - very clever, and has a meaning on a second level, but it detracts from the rest of the poem.

 

I kinda didn't like the ending, either. Too abrupt, I guess, though that's probably the point.

 

Anyway, very good. Lots of great phrases, and definitely struck a chord.

[Finnius]

Thanks.

 

It was just a spur of the moment kind of thing, me trying to figure out what was going on in my own head. Glad ye all enjoyed it.

 

And ya, the abrupt ending was most definitely intentional. Again, thanks for the feedback, 'specially the good stuff.

 

And now, I woosh off into oblivion.

[Appy]

*chases after Finnius and catches him*

Hold on a moment please. I want to tell you that I loved the flow, the seeming easyness with which this reads, like a waterfall of thought. You are very good at writing as such, and I just want to let you know that I appreciate you posting it here.

 

Take care now *releases Finnius again into his oblivion, where he obviously has very important things to realise*

 

[Ayshela]

mmm

and actually i *liked* the switch of "sole" and "soul", because that has relevance for one whose feet have a mind of their own when walking and thinking and exploring who we're being.

i found the last two lines jarring, though. that may have been intentional, but the switch from smooth flow of thought to thought into complete loss of rhythm was the mental equivalent of tripping and falling on my face.

 

be that as it may, though - i love this one, and i'm glad Appy bumped it because i'd missed it in being sick.

*gentle germ free hugs*

[Sweetcherrie]

Adds her liking to that of the others