The Headliner

[Wyvern]

Raging Red Gecko Attacks Pen Gazette Headquarters

 

The tip of the rat's tail pointed upward like a miniature lever, peeking from behind the lower rim of the coffee machine. Christopher paid no attention to the detail in Lucy's photo, dismissing it for an emergency sugar cube vending device. He shoved the picture from his desktop and leaned back in his seat, kicking his feet up and reaching for his cigs. The pack of Salamanderstone Lights gave off a dull reflection in the Office light.

 

"Did she say 'Wyvern?" Christopher glanced around, then tossed the pack of cigarettes to the side. He reached into another pocket and pulled out his Nicotina Extra Extra Heavies. "Yeah, she must've said 'Wyvern.'"

 

Christopher lit up a hefty cigarette, then flicked the remains of the match into a nearby wastebasket. He turned to the paperwork on his desk and contemplated which call to make first, only to pause as the horns protruding from the trash suddenly registered in his mind.

 

"Sssscuse me." The wastebasket hopped towards his desk. Its hiss was close to a whisper. "Can you, errr, direct me to Sweetcherrie's Office? I need to take her on a d- I mean, apply for the Office trashcan position that recently opened."

 

Chris smirked.

 

"Sure, it's down the hall and to the left. She's busy, so you'll probably need to make an appointment." He took out a pen and pad. "In the mean time, would you mind if I interview you about the recent incident involving female vocalist Marissa Argentin, Mr. Wyvern?"

 

The wastebasket jumped as the 'W' word was mentioned. Christopher froze in place as several rats holding cameras the size of themselves jumped from their hiding places and aimed their lenses at the trembling trash. Wyvern sprang from the depths of the rubbish like a turbo jack-in-the-box and sprinted full speed ahead.

 

"No comment!"

 

Christopher watched as the rats chased Wyvern in the direction of Sweetcherrie's office, and cringed as several slams, crashes, screams, and squeaks were heard. He bit his lip as Wyvern dashed back into his working quarters pulling Sweetcherrie by the hand. The head of the Gazette had numerous papers clenched between her teeth, and two document folders overflowing in her hands.

 

"W-Wyvern." Sweetcherrie cursed as the papers dropped from her mouth. "What're y- I was in the middle of a- what're tho-?

 

"No time to explain, news rats, gotta run. They catch us on camera, n' the articles they publish'll be cheesier than this pun. We'll go get what ya want to eat, then go check out the new party animal exhibit at the zoo, waddayasay it's a date?!"

 

Wyvern was halfway out the second-story office window before Sweetcherrie had time to respond. She skidded and cringed as the lizard's claw urged her towards the exterior window frame. In the office behind her, the news rats steadily aimed their cameras, their whiskers twitching in anticipation...

[Sweetcherrie]

Planting her feet firmly on the floor Sweetcherrie try to stop the lizard from pulling her out of the window. She glanced back at the rats, and while trying to pull her hand free, she looked back at Christopher with a begging stare.

 

“I have my cell phone on me, just give me a ring if either of you needs anythiiiiiiiiii”

 

The almost dragon had succeeded pulling her out the window, and she tumbled down. The landing was soft, but when she inhaled she almost wished it hadn’t been.

 

Wyvern had managed to escape through the window that was right above the big container that the bins got emptied out in, and thought their landing had been soft; they were now wrapped in an odour of moulding bread, coffee, and rotten eggs. Sweetcherrie picked something of her jacket, and found that it was a post-it note saying in her own handwriting, “Call Gryphon about AVV.”

 

Above her she heard the constant clicking of cameras, and she was sure that those rats would have the time of their life now. With a sigh Sweetcherrie climbed out of the container, and with her arms folded she waited for the almost dragon to climb out as well.

[Wyvern]

Lowlife Lizard Kidnaps News Agent in Suicide Run

 

Sweetcherrie trips and almost stumbles as Wyvern pulls her by the hand, racing across a wide open street. A skateboarder veers left, an automobile honks its horn, a horse drawn carriage topples over, and a hotdog stand converts to selling ice cream as Wyv and Sweetcherrie pass by in a flash of red and grey. Behind the pair, the news rats dodge in hot pursuit, maneuvering through detached skating wheels and horse hooves.

 

"Ssssorry to keep you hungry!" Wyvern's voice reverberates in the air as he continues to run. His beady eyes turn to Sweetcherrie. "You can have some bread, y'know, if you feel like an appetizer."

 

Sweetcherrie's nose twists to sour distortions as Wyvern scrapes some of the moldy bread still clinging to his right thigh and offers it with his available claw.

 

"No thanks," manages Sweetcherrie between gasps of breath and bouts of nausea. "I-if I need something, I can always reach for the broken egg in my hair."

 

"Sunny side up, I hope?" Wyvern winks and swerves, twirling Sweetcherrie in a circle. "Here, this alleyway! "

 

Sweetcherrie shuts her eyes and bites her lip as she's pulled down a narrow staircase. She finally breaths upon reaching a halt at the bottom of the stairs, and waits for several minutes with her eyes still closed. The sharp smell of melted cheddar and clatter of dishes cause her to open her eyes and glance around at her surroundings. Cheap plastic tables and dated new years decorations are sprinkled around the wooden floor and walls of the small eatery. A man dressed in a suit that ressembles a piece of camonbear cheese sits at the ordering counter in the back of the aclove, and sets down an old magazine as Wyvern and Sweetcherrie approach.

 

"Hi, welcome to Cheese Louise's Grilled Cheese Depot, home of the Big Cheese whopper twelve cheese sandwich special. Can I take your orders?"

 

Wyvern nudges Sweetcherrie with a scaly shoulder and strikes a grin.

 

"They'll never find us here."

 

;-)

[Sweetcherrie]

Pulling up her nose in an attempt to shut out the smell of unwashed socks, Sweetcherrie tried to stay positive. This is a date after all, and it was clear that Wyvern was at least making some sort of effort, or possibly she just didn’t want to disappoint him.

 

“Looks…err, lovely.”

 

She was just about to walk to one of the tables when her phone rang. With an apologetic nod at Wyvern, she answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Oh, hello Christopher, sure if I can at least.”

 

While talking she walked away from Wyvern, and almost stepped in some dog shit. She let out a little cry, and wondered how and if she would be able to get out of eating anything at this place.

 

“Err…”

 

Sweetcherrie looked at Wyvern who was already talking to the waiter with great claw-gestures, probably trying to get a discount or something.

 

She sighed, “I guess I can try….”

 

“Thanks, oh, and Christopher?”

 

Too late, Christopher had already hung up the phone. She had hoped he could be her excuse for keeping this date short, but now she guessed she’d have to sit out the ride. Still, she reflected as she put her phone away and walked back to where Wyvern was standing, in a way it was even fun not to have to care about what you looked like for a change. Yeah, that would be the approach she’d use for this date.

 

Sweetcherrie put on her best smile, and put her hand on the lizard’s arm.

 

“You know…I’m really not that hungry, and I guess you could use your money better than buying me meals that I wouldn’t be able to finish anyways, no?”

 

She winked, and hoped that they would indeed not eat anything at the cheese-place.

 

OOC: Thanks to Patrick for giving Christopher's answers which can be found here

[Wyvern]

Overgrown Lizard and News Cohort Drive Popular Cheese Outlet to Bankruptcy

 

Wyvern continues arguing with the waiter as Sweetcherrie offers her suggestion, tossing his scaly arms in the air and accidentally brushing her hand off in the process.

 

"Waddaya mean we have to pay before we can leave?!" Wyvern spits hints of ashes at the waiter as he yells the words. "We never even ordered anything!"

 

"Excuse me, sir, but if you you'd like to see the bill in question..." The waiter adjusts his cheese cake cap with one hand and lets out an indignant grunt as he digs through his swiss cheese clipboard. He rips a sheet from the board and shoves it in Wyvern's direction. "I have it right here."

 

Wyvern and Sweet both stare at the ten-foot-long tab, which details over twenty of every cheese item (and, by default, every item) on the menue. Their eyes widen upon spotting the tiny cheez-E whip claw print stamped as a signature.

 

"Back up to the main kitchen!" cries a distressed voice over the speakerphone, squeaks and static clouding the voice's clarity. "Oh God, they're eating it aaalllll, back up! Back up please, back up!"

 

Wyvern freezes and casts a glance to Sweet as the waiter waivers from side to side, one foot leaning towards the exit door and the other moving for the kitchen. Wyv knocks the waiter's cheese cake hat over and smears it onto his face, then grabs Sweet by the hand and races towards the exit. The doors of the kitchen burst open in a swarm of news rats as they rush out.

 

"Quick," gasps Wyvern as Sweet reaches the top of the staircase. "Sssorry, gotta make haste again, newsss ratsssss!"

 

Sweetcherrie frowns as she begins running through the city streets with Wyvern again, wondering if her entire date will be held marathon style. She's so consumed in this thought that she hardly notices when she rushes with Wyvern through the tall zoo gates, barging straight past the ticket counter without paying. Zoo security is halted by the swarm of news rats that follows the two trespassers.

 

Wyvern and Sweetcherrie dart through various areas and exhibits of the zoo. They cause a crowd to turn and point at an exhibit dedicated to the interactions between reptiles and mammals, and almost lose their footing around the squid ink blacktop playground. Wyvern and Sweetcherrie come to a screeching halt as they arrive at a bench sitting at the corner of a few animal cages. The overgrown lizard sways and collapses onto the bench in exhaustion. Sweetcherrie stares at him in bewilderment, then turns and watches the news rat pack grow closer and closer... only to watch them turn around and run in the opposite direction. She raises a brow in confusion until the low growl of a tiger gets her attention. Panthers pace in a large cage nearby.

 

"This should give us at least a moment of calm." Wyvern lets out a deep breath, then sits up straight and offers Sweetcherrie a seat at the bench. He strikes a toothy grin. "Ssssso, how's the news business going? Making any profits off of one-time only advertisers *hint hint*?"

[Sweetcherrie]

A bit shaken up Sweetcherrie takes a seat next to Wyvern, and tries to think of an answer that will satisfy the lizard's greedy look. She barely notices the claw that is slipped around her shoulder, as she watches the panthers gather in one corner of their cage. It was obviously feeding time, and to escape having to give an answer to his question she points out the activity in the cage to the almost dragon.

 

The large cats growl at each other and a particularly large one whacks all the others to the side so that he will be at the food first. When the humps of meet are thrown in it gets even worse, and the way the animals attack the food suddenly makes her think of the Madame.

 

The Madame!

 

Wyvern had managed to rush her out of the office before she even had time to speak to her, she just had to call her. Sweetcherrie looks sideways at the almost dragon, and feels guilty for having to disrupt the date once more. A thought comes up in her head, and she kisses the lizard on his snout.

 

"I have to go to the little girls room, be right back."

 

And before he has time to respond she darts off towards where she had seen a sign for the bathrooms. She dials the number of the office and waits for someone to answer.

 

As the phone is about to ring and the Madame heaves her body out of the chair, the poor thing gives a relieved creak. She moves over to the phone much like a ship covered in curtains would move: slowly and majestically. The second it starts ringing she picks up the receiver and speaks.

 

"Madame Artsutarahz herself."

 

"Hello, it's me. I was wondering if everything over there went ok?"

 

More people come into the bathroom and Sweetcherrie quickly finds a cubicle and locks it so she will have some privacy.

 

"But of course my pretty. Celina is working on her letters, and all the others have left on their missions."

 

Sweetcherrie nods, but realizes that the Madame would not be able to see that.

 

"Good, I will try to be back as soon as possible, I'm terribly sorry to have left in such a hurry, without even saying hello to you."

 

The Madame smiles to herself.

 

"Ah, but you were going on an important date, were you not? Had I been on time, I'm sure we would've talked."

 

"Yeah, well thank you so-"

 

All of a sudden the line goes dead. Sweetcherrie shouts a 'hello' in the phone, but when she looks at its screen she sees that the battery has died on her. She tries turning it back on again, but the device doesn't show any signs of life. With a sigh she sticks it back into her pocket, and wants to unlock the door again, but it seems a bit stuck.

 

With all her might she tries to turn the lock, but it isn't budging one inch. She bangs on the door in hopes of someone hearing her, but the bathrooms have emptied out again, and no reply comes. Desperately she gives it a last try and turns the lock with all her strength, and all of a sudden she is holding the knob in her hand. It has broken off clean. Sweetcherrie drums the door with her hands, but all that replies is silence.

 

Why did this always happen to her, it was the slam quest all over again. There and then she decides to never lock a toilet again, at least not with her in it. She sinks down on the toilet, and hopes that Wyvern will come looking for her.

 

OOC: thanks to Venefyxatu who gave the answers for the Madame

[Wyvern]

Crazed Reptilian Invades Woman's Bathroom at Local Park

 

Wyvern taps his foot on the ground as he waits for Sweetcherrie, smirking giddily to himself and watching a group of children play a game of "kick the news rat" around a nearby water fountain. The overgrown lizard leans back on the bench and stretches out his neck, only to jump when his horns slip through the bars of a cage and spark a loud roar. The reptilian Elder wipes a bead of sweat from his scaly brow and regains his composure, then perks up as he overhears two security guards passing by.

 

"... subject has been identified as Sweetcherrie. You want to call the janitor, or should I do it?"

 

"Sssscuse me." Wyvern butts in and raises a claw, causing one of the guards to drop his triple-glazed donut. "Did you say Sweetcherrie? See, I'm her escort and-"

 

"She's locked in the girls bathroom." The guard looks Wyvern over and frowns. "We're 'bout to get the janitor over there to get her out. You must be a pretty negligent escort if you just let her slip away like- hey! Where're you going?!"

 

The security guard is answered only by a trail of dust as Wyvern dashes off in the direction of the bathroom stalls. It is only upon seeing the overgrown lizard in motion that the two guards identify him as one of the culprits that had rushed into the zoo earlier without paying. They begin to race after him, only to slip on the triple-glaze remains of the dropped donut and fall face first onto a battered rat leftover from the "kick the news rat" game.

 

Meanwhile, Wyvern reaches the bathroom stalls and extends a claw to the door, a grin overcoming him as thoughts of rewards for heroism in appropriate settings consume him. The grin vanishes from the lizard's face, however, as he realizes that he may need some sort of battering ram or pick if he wants to break the lock that's trapping Sweetcherrie inside. Wyvern raises a claw to his chin and scans his surroundings with a beady eye, only to brighten up upon noticing a promising animal cage nearby.

 

"Don't worry Sweetcherrie!" calls out Wyvern as he rushes to the cage. The sign next to the cage reads "Warning: White Female Rhinocerous - EXTREMELY RARE." "I'll save you!"

 

Wyvern rattles at the cage for a moment, then bangs at it with his horns until it opens a crack. He watches in glee as the white rhinocerous charges out of it, but a look of dismay overcomes him as the mighty animal takes a detour towards a crowd of tourists rather than racing to the bathroom stall. The lizard sighs in frustration, then realizes that he just broke a lock himself when opening the cage. He hops back towards the bathroom stalls with a grin, ignoring the screams of zoo observers that have broken out in the rhinos wake,

 

Wyvern notices an old janitor with a set of keys at work at a stall upon entering the girl's bathroom. The janitor unlocks the door of the stall, then dusts off his hands and smiles.

 

"Should be good to go. Sorry for the inconvenience, miss. I'll be outta here to leave you to your privacy."

 

Wyvern curses to himself at being a minute too late to execute his "heroic" deed as the janitor passes him with an odd look and rushes out of the bathroom. The lizard's scaly tongue hangs loose as he waits in silence for Sweetcherrie to exit the stall. He doesn't notice the large group of cheerleaders that rushes into the bathroom's main entrance , seeking refuge from the rampaging rhino... News rat cameras flash left and right...

[Sweetcherrie]

While being locked up Sweetcherrie had been dreaming away about a heroic rescue from some prince on a white horse, so when the janitor opened the door for her she was rather disappointed. She thanked him, but was overshouted by what sounded like a large group of women terrified with fear.

 

She took another deep breath to straighten her face, having to go through a whole group of girls with the disappointment of not having been rescued heroically was not exactly her favourite pass time, and opened the door of the cubicle with determination……..

 

And knocked it straight into Wyvern. Sending him flying backwards, straight into the arms of the cheerleaders. The girls ooohed and aaahed, and started giggling things like ‘such a cute lizard’ and ‘wow, he’s cute’.

 

Sweetcherrie looked around the corner to see what was happening, and when she saw her date in the arms of a dozen gorgeous looking women in the shortest skirts and tightest tops possible, she crossed her arms in front of her.

 

“I guess the date is over then?”

 

She raised an eyebrow, but when all the almost dragon could get out of his mouth was some half-hearted denial, and pursed her lips together.

 

“Right, I guess I’d better get back to the office then and get the Gazette ready for printing.”

 

With a last look she turned around and marched out of the restrooms. This date had been…well, whatever it had been, but now it was time to get some other things going again.

[Wyvern]

Reptilian Elder Attempts to Molest Local Cheerleader Squad, Suffers Injuries

 

Wyvern gasps for enough air to mutter a word, his beady eyes tracing Sweetcherrie's steps as she wanders out of the restroom. The greedy lizard shifts his tail and raises a claw, only to burst into a fit of giggles as pompoms breeze over him in a purr of cooing praise. Wyvern clutches at his bleeding nose, uninjured from the door hit but more vulnerable to the surrounding skintight nylon.

 

"Ooooh, I didn't even know we had a mascot." A blond bombshell pinches Wyvern's cheek, evoking a wild snicker. "Go Crimson Geckos!"

 

"Aaaah, I loooove his cute lil' tail." A hot redhead tickles at his scales and smiles. "Just like the real thing."

 

Wyvern grins and lays back, memories of Racouol's cheerleader invasions lost on him in the heightened affection. He lets out a sigh of content, only to freeze up a bit and frown at the thought of Sweetcherrie wandering past the various animal cages by herself. He bites his lip for a moment and tries to blot out the thought by concentrating on the pompom tendrils, but eventually grumbles and lifts himself from the surrounding squad.

 

"L-lisssten ladies, ummm." Wyvern raises his claws in front of the cheerleaders and motions towards the ground. "Y-y-you, stay. I, b-be right back!"

 

Wyvern grabs a stray pompom from the ground and rushes out of the bathroom as fast as his scaly legs can carry him. He spots Sweetcherrie walking in the distance, a hint of banana peel still hanging from her shoulder, and lets out a victorious hiss.

 

"Waaaiiiiiittt, Sssswwweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!"

 

Sweetcherrie turns and jumps as Wyvern skids to a halt at her side. The lizard pants for breath and dribbles nosebleed at her feet.

 

"Thank you for the bid," Wyvern declares. He shoves the pompom into Sweetcherrie's hands. "Here!"

 

Sweetcherrie stares at the pompom with a blank expression, then frowns.

 

"What are you trying to-?"

 

"A wig." Wyvern points at the form of the pompom. "Y'know, I mean: Gazette meeting, no time to shower off garbage, just toss it on!"

 

"Oh." Sweetcherrie shakes her head and sighs. "Listen, you-"

 

"Thaaaaaaannnnnkkkkkk yyyyoooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

 

Sweetcherrie rubs a hand over her forehead and grumbles to herself as she watches Wyvern rocket back in the direction of the Ladies Bathroom. She pauses and cringes, however, as she watches the rhinocerous charge straight into Wyvern in its course and buck him onto its head. The lizard screams as the rhino charges off towards the "Wet Wonders of the World" aquatic exhibit in the direction opposite of the bathroom...

 

;-)

[Wyvern]

Epilogue: the Fine Print

 

The editor news rat snatched one of the miniature tabloid pamphlets from the moldy pipe edge where it rested. His whiskers twitched as he breezed through the pages of pictures, letting out tiny squeaks for each questionable lizard photo and suggestive news lady snapshot. The rat then let out an enthusiastic squeak of approval, and stamped a check on the sheet with a Cheez-E Whip tube leftover from Cheese Louise's. Tossing the tabloid back on its pile, he ran to a hamster wheel in the corner of his sewer office and began running on it. The spinning wheel caused three rope nets holding news rats to drop into the room, and the rodent team swarmed towards the tabloids in a roar of squeaks and twitters. The rats snatched several tabloids in each arm and then went racing through the sewer with them, singing in sinister squeaks and occasionally slipping and falling into the depths of the sewage. They eventually arrived at a Rodent News Delivery Station near a manhole, and dropped the papers off there. They waited until a gang of surface agent news rats passed by and picked them up before plummeting back into the sewer.

 

The surface agents clutched the tabloids tightly in their arms as they ran through city streets and monuments, focussing on the long and hazardous journey ahead of them. By evening time, several of the rats had become lost to an alley of stray cats or deterred by appetizing-looking garbage cans. Nevertheless, the remaining gang hopped into the Mighty Pen's quarters through a crack in lumpenproletariat's window, knowing better than to walk through the front door from previous experiences with a muscular secretary and accompanying broom. They squeaked quietly and scurried through the halls until they reached their final destination: a small hole in the wall, belonging to none other than the Grim Squeaker...

 

... the only subscriber to "Rats Out the Bag" tabloid magazine.

 

The news rats dropped one copy of the tabloid at the Grim Squeaker's mousehole-step, slumping their shoulders and knowing that he only read them for the mouse obituary colomns anyway. The surface agents then turned to leave, only to catch the familiar scent of fresh cheese and pause in their steps. They turned and slowly approached the fancy pedestals holding cheese slices, ditching their remaining scrap tabloids as the thought of snacking consumed them.

 

If anyone had been awake in the Pen quarters late that evening, the echoes of snaps that rang through the halls might have rang to the Almost Dragonic Tune™ of "Thirty Blind Mice."

 

;-)

 

Fin~