fears of the heart

[Beautiful Nightmare]

Goodnight and good morning

Seems all that we say,

Not much in common

At the end of the day.

 

You sit there, your silent,

You stare at the sky

When instead could be loving,

Now your life passes by.

 

I'm not here to judge

Please don't get me wrong,

But do I love you enough?

Will I love you too long?

 

These fears seems unending

I cannot commit,

But neither can you

So I guess this is it.

 

But i want you so bad

To taste your sweet kiss,

But i'm wasting my time

And what could i miss?

 

You've already said no

Are you leading me on?

'Cause I just couldn't take it

It's just so dam wrong.

 

I don't mean to be like this

I mean, i think i'm in love,

But it doesnt matter

Because its just not enough.

Edited September 2, 2005 by Arwen

[Peredhil]

You're getting better.

 

And mechanically, there are less misspellings, which make it so much easier to read and appreciate.

[drummondo]

Sweet lyrics. Got music?

[Katzaniel]

Wow, you really are getting good.

 

You have a consistent lack of apostrophes (see example below if you're not sure what I mean) and capitization of "I" (unless that's a style thing) and you've used the wrong form of "you're" and, ehh, "dam". But there's good rhythm (I haven't tried counting it or anything, but it sounds good and that's what matters), and none of the rhymes stump me up, either. The content is quite interesting as well.

 

I don't mean to be like this

But i think i'm in love,

But it doesn't matter

Because it's just not enough.

 

The only thing (aside from minor grammatical mistakes) that I noticed as being change-worthy was the double "but" there. The first one doesn't seem to fit, because you're not contradicting the first line in that stanza, at least not how I read it - you're supplementing it, in a way. You're saying, "I don't mean to be like this, I *am* in love with you, but it doesn't matter anyway, that's why I'm like this", right? Rhythmically, the "but" helps, however I think for the sake of clarity you should use something else, maybe "I really do think I'm in love" or "I mean, I think I'm in love" or "After all I think I am in love".

 

Heh, I've gone on about that long enough. I did like it, or I wouldn't be commenting at all; I just like to say something I liked and something I think could be improved. Good job.

[Sweetcherrie]

had to read it a couple of times, but it feels nice, and has a nice ring to it.

 

I totally agree with what has been said by many before, you're getting better and better

 

*hugs*