Love is Blind, But I trust You

[Tasslehoff]

I'd give up almost anything I could,

to take back those careless words I said

and make things right between us once again.

I just want you to know

that what came out of my mouth when I was upset

does not reflect the truth,

or the way I feel about you, about US.

The reality is, you mean the world to me.

You are the kind of person;

I've always hoped for, looked for

and dreamed about every night....

The very person I want love for eternity.

Thats why I have made a vow to you and myslef,

to quit the bad habits, and not act like that anymore...

Not to be a careless fool,

who spouts of things he does not mean,

Things that cause hurt and anger.

 

I hope that you will find it in your heart

to forgive me, once again,

or atleast give me that one more chance..

A chance to make things right again,

undo all the hurt I might have caused you,

and devote my time, my energy , and myself

to showing you who I am,

how I really feel,

and how far I will go to win back your love.

I know I can do better,

be the kind of person you deserve..

All I need is that one chance to prove it,

Please say you'll give me that chance..

 

 

Not a poem persay, but poetry in the way it express' the feelings I feel.

 

<Coming straight out of Okinawa Japan>

[Wyvern]

First of all, let me just say that it's very nice to hear from you again Tasslehoff. Sorry to hear that things have been going rough, I hope that the tides calm and the sailing goes smoother from here.

 

In response to your poem: I think this is a heartfelt piece with a strong emotional foundation. Basing the themes of your work around the hardships that you've faced in real life makes for a very genuine piece, and the issues that you choose to tackle are interesting ones. I found your references to "bad habits" and "careless words" particularly intriguing.

 

At the same time, I'm uncertain if this poem expresses your feelings to me as you note it should. The piece read to me more like an explanation of thoughts, feelings and actions than it did an expression of feeling, and it didn't leave much of an emotional impact on me. To improve upon this, you may want to expand upon the themes of the poem in greater depth and detail. I'd like to know more about the careless words, more about the bad habits, and more about the narrator's impressions on the rejection from his loved one. I'd also like to know what makes the narrator's loved one so special to him, and the specific things he misses about her. I feel that, apart from the "Please" in the last line of the piece, the poem also lacks a certain sense of vulnerability. While vulnerability certainly isn't necessary to the piece, it's absence seemed odd to me given the apologetic nature of the poem.

 

Anyway, these are just my thoughts. :-) The most difficult part of poetry is always taking your strong feelings and conveying them to the reader, and I think that you have a good start here. My apologies for taking so long to respond.

[Tasslehoff]

Thanks for you kind and meaningful words. As I read over your post and then follow over my * work * I understand what you mean. It needs more depth and more feeling to trully dictate to its readers the true feelings the writer ( myself ) is feelin at that moment in time. I think I will work more on this when I get a chance.. Thanks Wyvern. Always an inspiration.

[Tasslehoff]

I'd give up anything just to have you here right now,

to take back those stupid careless words I said; The ones I'll regret for life,

and make things right between us once again.

I need you to know and to understand,

that what came out of my mouth when I was upset

does not reflect the truth,

or the way I feel about you, about US.

The reality is, you mean the world to me; nothing can take that away,

You are the kind of person; An Angel one might say,

That I've always hoped for, looked for,

and dreamed about every night in my life....

The very person I want love for eternity |and beyond.|

That's why I have made a vow to you and myslef,

to quit the bad habits,Throwing the alcohol down the drain

Not to be a careless fool, Throwing my life down the drain

Who spouts of things he does not mean,

Things that cause hurt and anger; Cause I need your laughter

It raises my spirits and makes me feel on top of the world.

 

I hope that you will find it in your heart,

to forgive me once again for the retarded things Ive done this time,

or atleast give me that one more chance that I need to prove to you..

A chance to make things right again,

undo all the hurt I might have caused you,

I will all devote my time, my energy, and myself

to showing you who I am, every second of every day,

showing you how I really feel,

and how far I will go to win back your love.

I know I can do better, be a better person,

become the man you deserve..

All I need is that one chance to prove it, I need that look in your eyes,

The one that makes me who I am, and do what I never thought possible,

So please say you'll give me that chance to be the man I once was,

The man I can only be with your love..

 

 

 

 

Blue - Revised or New Line

 

 

Feels more like a letter, not quite a poem anymore, but I feel better about it, explains the details, hopefully shows a bit more emotion, but not too much that one thinks the writer is too weak.

 

Tas- Back in The States