Guilty as Charged

[Curious Mylo]

Hun, you really need to take a few steps back. Look at what you just said. Then compare it to how you’ve been acting lately.

You say I matter. A lot. I used to believe this with all my heart. You not only said it with your words, but with your actions and with your eyes. Your eyes give away everything.

When I believed that I was important to you, I could call you up at 3:30 in the morning just because I couldn’t sleep. You would get up and read me stories until I was asleep and then sit there listening to me sleep until you were asleep and your phone died. When I believed that I was important to you, I could call you when I was on the bus and you would grab your bag and meet me at the bus station so we could go to the park. When I believed that I was important to you, you would come to my house after you got off work and lie on the floor and watch Disney movies with me and eat gummy bears until we puked. When I believed that I was important to you, you would go to the fair with my family and me and go on all the upside down rides with me because my sister refused to. (Pauses and smiles half laughing.) We even t.p.’d a Christmas tree on my cousin’s porch because we didn’t have enough t.p. for the whole house.

Now I find it hard to believe that I matter more than a snail. When I can’t sleep, I still call you, but your phone’s always off. When I get on the bus, I still call you. But you’re always busy with the guys so I just sit on the bus and ride it around until I get home again. After work you’re always busy with the guys so I watch Disney movies all by myself eating gummy bears until I puke… all by myself. Last week my family and I went to the fair. I either sat next to people I’ve never seen before and most likely won’t ever see again, or all by myself on all the upside down rides. It’s no fun without you.

Do you even remember how long it’s been since I’ve seen you? Exactly five weeks and four days. In those five weeks and four days I’ve found more reasons to believe that you don’t care about me than any reasons I ever had to believe you did. Don’t even try to tell me you do. You’re eyes give away everything and they’re screaming that I’m right. They plead guilty as charged.