Ozymandias Posted June 29, 2005 Report Posted June 29, 2005 Shut up, and leave me alone Close for business for the night Shut up, and leave me alone Even though I just got here and I'm hungry You're tired, you work hard I understand My belly doesn't but that's okay I'll go somewhere else Stop calling, I don't want to talk to you My phone ringing unendingly with your constant pleas and demands Stop calling, I don't want to talk to you I know you're only doing what's expected of you but I'm not interested and I have enough on my mind already No more letters, I said and yet they still come Always wondering where I am what I'm doing how's my finances, job, family, do I need any money? No more letters, I said Yet you are so persistent in your concern that I get a new one every day I'd return them to sender if only I knew how to give all this back Shut up, and leave me alone
Wyvern Posted June 30, 2005 Report Posted June 30, 2005 I like this poem, Ozymandias. :-) I think that your uses of curt phrasing and repetition help in driving across the mood set by the title, and I like the concept of not knowing how to return the letters. The freeverse also read fluidly to me, and it was an easy piece to absorb. The one stanza that I didn't like in this poem was the fourth stanza, where the narrator's belly is personified. I felt that this stanza broke the tone that was set throughout the rest of the piece, as the reference to the belly seemed trivial when compared to the rest of the struggles in the poem. Nicely done, overall. :-)
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