Two Posted June 23, 2005 Report Posted June 23, 2005 1. Crumble Crumble is fat And baby girl pink. Fleshy soft Cheeks, with dripping jowls His pen-striped suit flows From the seams, upwelling Surging, across the massive expanses But Crumble dances. He dances On pliant ankles, on red feet He dances with aimless excitement Here, then quickly there Rapid rhythm, on pitched music Discordant notes pinging off his face. And Crumble thinks, or worries Like a bridge lady about tea cups And only those that come to his party Adore his pattern. And Crumble swells. 2. Crumble's Wife The wife sleeps at night She's regular, but the wedlock Is already old. She screams, She beats on Crumble Sometimes she thinks he will return Her affections, he doesn't Tight yellow skin, and bones Jutting out like fingers pushing through rubber latex Frying pan grease in her hair Dirty apron and dust everywhere But she'd like to clean Crumble Clean Crumble good! She has thoughts on the lizard But only when she lets herself He's not what she had in mind When she was young. Or last night 3. The Lizard The lizard was low in his belly When Crumble found him, in a moment Of weakness brought him home The ragged worm, cold and craving on his own Accord. His arthritis makes it hard For him to change positions Midget man, all glasses and fine fingers With his unkept face, and untucked tails Always eating what would be left-overs He hears all Crumble's inclinations, and sees All the wife's moves. He watches her And Crumble pets him like the best man And he doesn't think. He doesn't think At all
Wyvern Posted June 26, 2005 Report Posted June 26, 2005 I found this a very interesting poem, Guest1. :-) I really like a number of the original and evocative details that you incorporated throughout it. I also think that the structure centered around Crumble's life worked well, and I really liked the endings of each of the stanzas. The entire poem is nicely worded and phrased. One thing that I was uncertain about in this poem was the role of the lizard. I picked up on Crumble's arrogance and marital problems in the first two parts, but was not sure what the unthinking lizard was meant to signify in the third part. Very good poem, overall.
Nyyark Posted July 1, 2005 Report Posted July 1, 2005 I think the lizard is the biggest of Crumble's marital problems, sleeping with his wife and all. I really liked this. It was cool how the structure and the and content augmented on another. I also like how more and more shades meaning appeared as the poem progressed. Neat stuff, keep it up.
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