DL_Snake Posted June 21, 2005 Report Posted June 21, 2005 (edited) Oooh, I’m made, factory fresh Leaving behind those rubber ash What wonderful adventures ahead Whose feet shall I wed? Hello sir won’t you take My humble self for your sake Yes, yes, pick me! Warm and comfy I guarantee Ah joy my duties performed To protect feet I was formed Hard granite bothers me not Neither is the concrete too hot Day by day woe is me These feet dumb as can be Look out, a puddle! No, do not *gurgle* Taste of mud on my tongue Brackish water overflows my lung Oh dear me, one thing this means A hole in me, I’m in my teens Ouch, hey don’t discard me here For need you have of me still, I fear Who shall cover your toes and sole? If not me, with my laces and bows? Alas! New kicks I do see Shiny, sparkly as can be Thrown, forgotten my faithful self Please at least give me a shelf Sob! Edited June 21, 2005 by DL_Snake
Vlad Posted June 21, 2005 Report Posted June 21, 2005 I like the rhythm of this piece but something about it just doesn't feel right... Maybe it's the abundance of periodic phrases, but I'm not sure.
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