Sarah May's Story

[Jade]

“Corrie started Macintosh Construction when Chris was born and it wasn’t long before it became a family business.” Sarah May rocked back on her heels and continued her story, because it was her story as Corrie was her husband and Chris was her son. “Chris was never tha far behind Corrie and it was sad because Corrie was never good on his feet. Which is why it’s ironic that they both went into construction.”

 

“I remember a time when they when picking apples at Old Donald’s farm and the birds sang from the trees: ‘E-I-E-I-O.’ And Chris spat the apple seeds across the road as Corrie started across the crick. Chris couldn’t have been that old and he certainly wasn’t none to be left behind and so just as Corrie was knee-deep in cold crick water, Chris was floundering about. The mud started whirling about like a small-crick hurricane and them boys, excuse me, them men…they were separated. Corrie followed Chris’s apple-seed trail up and out of that crick. When they came home covered in mud I said I told you so and tucked my boys in bed.”

 

Sarah May measured the sugar for her famous apple pie. She brushed the extra sugar into her hand and caught sight of and old photograph of just the three of them. Her eyes glistened before she looked down and away. She continued her story rather gruffly:

 

“Corrie promised our money problems were over. He got a commission at a job site to finish the frame of the biggest house in town. Granted, this town ain’t grown much since then, but the apples grow nicely. Rooms grew in that house like grass grows in the yard . And a day late in August when the apples were red as pain, Corrie and Chris were on the frame of the roof. Chris was spitting apple seeds and Corrie was never good on his feet. Corrie followed the apple seeds and landed with a cold think that was echoed by Chris’s fall. Corrie was bruised, and Chris was turning red.”

 

Sarah May glanced over at her shelf. Two apples, red and slightly bruised, blinked and shimmered in the kitchen light. “It wasn’t long before I was called to see them. They hadn’t been moved, but they sure weren’t what they once were. Corrie was bruised, Chris was red, Corrie was red, Chris was bruiesd.” She held her boys like she held this story, closely and with love. Sarah May would never say it, but once her men were manageable, she carried home two apples and put them on her shelf. Both red, both bruised, both a part of Sarah May’s story.

Edited June 1, 2005 by Jade

[Wyvern]

Very interesting story, Jade. :-) The concept of Corrie and Chris turning into apples was intriguing, and reminded me of medieval folklore about children growing out of the ground. I also really liked the phrasing and the casual tone in which Sarah May told the story, as I felt that it gave her her own voice and made for a very interesting narrative. I loved a number of the original details that you incorporated as well, especially the birds singing "E-I-E-I-O" and the apple-seed-spitting habit of Chris.

 

One thing that felt a bit awkward to me in this story was the framed narrative. The references to Sarah May's actions in the third person inbetween her narrations seemed a bit out of place to me, as the actual story is told to us through her point of view. I think that the story could be strengthened if it was entirely told from Sarah May's perspective, as this would keep it focussed on her narrative. Sarah's actions in the present could still be mentioned, just in her first person voice. Also, I was a bit uncertain what caused Chris and Corrie's transformations into apples... When they fell, did they bruise themselves on the apple seeds?

 

Very good story overall, Jade. Thank you for sharing it.

[Quincunx]

I took the apples to be only apples, a metaphor for the boys, and Sarah May to be delusional or visual--the boys/men/boys are dead but she needed something around the house. (As I just remarked to Wyvern on IRC, someday we'll agree on an analysis--to which he wisely replied, "fat chance!")

 

There's the slightest flash of inconsisent phrase with ". . .think[sic] that was echoed by Chris’s fall." Move Chris's fall into active tense and that'll clear up immediately. Anything else which could change, a proofreader can fix. Poke me if you want me to proofread.